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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age did your kids wipe their own bums?

207 replies

Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2018 19:28

DS is 3 3/4 and I still wipe his bum after a poo.
Actually I still often check my school age child too.
Should I be letting him do it himself?
He comes home from nursery regularly with dirty pants / bum and I wonder if I should be letting him do it himself at home so he will get better at it.

They are ‘preparing him for school’.

I will be having another moan but to me a 3 year old still needs help.

OP posts:
theclockticksslowly · 22/08/2018 21:21

My recently turned 5yo DD is fine with wiping after a wee bit still can’t quite reach to wipe after a poo properly. I can always tell when she’s done a poo in school... Envy (not envy!)

havingabadhairday · 22/08/2018 21:23

My five year old can and does wipe himself in school, but at home wants it done for him.

SleepFreeZone · 22/08/2018 21:24

I’m still wiping at 5, nearly 6. Apparently he doesn’t like poo 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 (and i do of course 🙄)

Singingitoverandoverandover · 22/08/2018 21:24

still check or help my 7 year old. I know he can “do it”
Most kids can “do it” but the point is can they do it RIGHT. Until they are actually clean. And not blocking the toilet/smearing it up there arse cheeks or missing the mess completely.
If it’s a messy one my son asks for help.
And no, I don’t think encouraging boys to wipe forwards is wise either. At a young age they still need a hand on the seat to steady themselves.. the other hand to wipe.. they would need a third hand to love their bits out the way Hmm

Singingitoverandoverandover · 22/08/2018 21:26

*move their bits..

badgeronabicycle · 22/08/2018 21:26

@Haworthia, I could have written your post word for word.......

ShesABelter · 22/08/2018 21:27

My ds has only just competently started managing at 5.5 although he will still shout me to check maybe a couple of times a week. I stood with him for a week or so at first showing him how much toilet roll to use for each wipe then a couple more weeks checking he was doing it properly so we have never had a stage of messy pants. I didn't see the need for him to do it at 3 tbh, it's pretty young.

KindergartenKop · 22/08/2018 21:30

5 or 6

Ohyesiam · 22/08/2018 21:32

Girl, effectively at 2. Boy, 11 and still counting.
He is the sole reason we have moist toilet paper.

Stinkbomb · 22/08/2018 21:33

Since she was 3.5. She's now 5, occasionally there's a mark on her pants but more often than not, she does it very well.

SoCockneyItHurts · 22/08/2018 21:36

Always wipe my 8 year olds bum. But he does have Crohn's disease with perianal disease so gets a bit messy. Plus it's the only way I get to check his fistula's or look for new abscesses. Not ideal but needs must x

Naty1 · 22/08/2018 21:43

Dd was still struggling a bit at 4.3yr and in yr r. She does go a lot at school though. Probably more confidence than anything else. And maybe wanting the attention!
She doesnt like having the door shut at home even at 6yo.
I guess some kids proportions are different, some have better motor skills.
But i do think as with anything they will not improve without practice. So it's important to let/make them do it as much as possible. And possibly just check.
Incentive charts? For only calling for a check when it's actually clean.
. Also dd got a uti at 3yo soon after PT so i did worry a lot re the wiping as she was really ill with fevers etc.

Dd will sit on the loo (for hours) if she gets up early to go. Once i dozed back off and she was still there. I worry she sits there for ages at school.

Original poster
Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2018 21:51

I will try and encourage him more.
But his head is just so full of nonsense...........Hmm

OP posts:
Cachailleacha · 22/08/2018 21:52

2, a couple of months off turning 3.

If there are marks on their pants then they can have a shower or bath before bed surely? Buy dark pants. They will learn quicker if left to do it themselves.

What do older kids (7, 8+) do on school or Cub Scout camps?

hibbledibble · 22/08/2018 21:53

This thread has also surprised me. School age children who can't wipe themselves??! That is neglectful parenting in my opinion, unless there is a medical reason.

My eldest was wiping herself after potty training at 2 years old. I initially helped her but she quickly got the hang of it.

Middle is 3 and has chronic diarrhoea, so isn't able to wipe. I ask her to ask me for help, as otherwise it is quite literally a shit storm.

babybythesea · 22/08/2018 21:53

My perception of what is normal is skewed. My eldest had permanent diarrhoea until she was nearly 8. Went to the GP (when DD was around 3) who said she was fine, no underlying issues, and she would probably grow out of it by 7, but that it could be tricky for her to toilet train. Indeed it was. And because she had the runs, I helped her clean herself. She actually didn't have accidents past the age of 5 but everything was explosive (teachers at school under strict instructions not to stop her if she was running for the toilet!) and she needed help. Now she's 9 she cracks on with it and while not totally normal yet she's definitely outgrowing it.
I still help DD2 (just turned 5) but I think it's because I helped DD1 and use her as a benchmark. I may need to rethink. (To be fair, I could sometimes be washing one or two pairs of pants a day at this age for DD1, so as I don't have to do this for DD2, I consider it a bonus!)

Girlsnightin · 22/08/2018 21:56

NT 8 year old here!

Has very short arms.

MillieMoodle · 22/08/2018 22:34

DS is 7 and mostly ok. Sometimes he will ask me to check if his bum feels sore. Sometimes he will ask me to help because he can't be bothered to keep wiping but I am wise to that one now.

Reception/year 1 he had some issues and didn't wipe properly at school despite having been fine until he started school. I think this was because they tell them to hurry up in the toilets and he is one who can take a while. I discussed it with his teacher and she suggested he keep
some of the toddler toilet wipes in his drawer to take to the toilet if he needed them. Once he knew he had them there if he needed them, he seemed to relax about it and he's been fine for the whole of year 2.

Singingitoverandoverandover · 22/08/2018 22:36

cachailleacha marks in their pants aren’t just marks are they. They are poo. Poo smells and is unhygienic. If there is poo dried in pants from 9am.. that’s ok because they will get a bath? Gross.

And hibbledibble neglectful parenting don’t talk crap. It would be more neglectful to leave a child smelling of shit with crusty pants because “they are old enough to do it themselves”

Original poster
Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2018 22:46

My DS’s bum was sore looking tonight because his bum hadn’t been wiped properly. He did have a bath of course as soon as he came in. But I hate the thought that his bum was sore.
It’s difficult for me to wipe as his poos are not solid. It’s usually have to use a wet wipe to ensure it’s clean. I’ll send in some wipes too!

OP posts:
buddy79 · 22/08/2018 22:47

Ds is also 3 3/4 and I have been teaching him to wipe -mainly thinking he will need to do it by himself at school! He can do it in a fashion but with my supervision and double checking at the end. Not sure what they do at nursery! We have more problems with immense unflushable amounts of paper being involved....

Louiselouie0890 · 22/08/2018 22:51

My son just turned 3, he wipes his own although the other day he didn't do it properly and there was literally a line of poo down the stairs where he shuffled down. That was fun.

CottonSock · 22/08/2018 22:52

I'm going to be checking for a while. My dd5 was getting skid marks, which turned out to be more than that and start of bowel issues. Encopresis

TheToldYouSoDance · 22/08/2018 22:52

My DS was almost 9 and still asking to ‘check my bum’, then he just stopped asking. 3 is so young still. I’d give it a while yet if I were you.

LyraLieIn · 22/08/2018 22:56

How will he dispose of wet wipes at school?