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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age did your kids wipe their own bums?

207 replies

Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2018 19:28

DS is 3 3/4 and I still wipe his bum after a poo.
Actually I still often check my school age child too.
Should I be letting him do it himself?
He comes home from nursery regularly with dirty pants / bum and I wonder if I should be letting him do it himself at home so he will get better at it.

They are ‘preparing him for school’.

I will be having another moan but to me a 3 year old still needs help.

OP posts:
nellyellylove · 22/08/2018 20:04

We've just started getting our 3.5 year old to do the 'last wipe' to get used to the motion. He can't really reach though!

Backhometothenorth · 22/08/2018 20:06

Part of toilet training really- I have never checked since she asks if she ever needs help

LillyBugg · 22/08/2018 20:07

Erm can someone please explain to me how you teach a child to do this Blush currently I get DS to get off the toilet and he then bends over and I wipe his bum. Because I literally can't get my hand down the back of the toilet seat to wipe him whilst he is still sat there. He's definitely at an age I need to teach him this but I cannot get my head around how to teach him Hmm

Camomila · 22/08/2018 20:11

I used to work in the preschool room of a nursery, our potty trained three and four year olds would be encouraged to do it themselves. Especially in the spring/summer leading up to reception.

blibblibs · 22/08/2018 20:14

Oh god, we were definitely a house of late bum wipers.
Both were about 8/9 before they did it themselves Blush
One was just lazy and the other has pooping issues and it's just how it was.
Both are more than capable now at 9 & 10 but neither of them ever poo at school.

SendintheArdwolves · 22/08/2018 20:18

I don't remember my parents wiping my bum (not saying they never did, but I must have been too young to remember it) but I do remember being at my best friends house at the age of seven and being mortified at her shouting from the loo "Mummy! Bum please!"

She was otherwise a very grown up seven year old, so I guess there is a wide spectrum of "normal ages" to still expect this service.

Original poster
Luckymummy22 · 22/08/2018 20:18

I definitely will say again that I would like them to check!
He does try himself but his poos are often pretty soft and yucky (tmi - sorry).
I am happy for them to let him do itself but then check.
He is very shy so won’t ever ask for assistance.
He’s still got another year before school so I am confident he will be a lot better himself by that time.
My almost 7 year old often asks for help still.
She can do it herself and most of the time is Ok at school - but can occasionally come home with dirty pants. That is fine as I don’t expect a teacher to help her.

OP posts:
Oddcat · 22/08/2018 20:20

I taught my DD to wipe by wrapping her whole hand in loo roll so she didn't get it everywhere , she was doing it on her own by about 3 , although she did come back from nursery with marks on her knickers sometimes. I was astonished when my friends 8 year old asked her to wipe his bum .

4yearsnosleep · 22/08/2018 20:24

Just 4. I taught her to wipe and check until it's clean. I felt that she had to learn how to before starting school

TheSheepofWallSt · 22/08/2018 20:24

This thread is totally blowing my mind.

I was wiping my own bottom from as early as I can remember ... so 3? 4?

I can also remember hearing my own DM say of my aunt “I can’t believe she’s wiping those kids behinds at their age”- this was my cousins I’m guessing age 6 and 8(ish).

I agree with DM- why on earth can’t your children wipe themselves by 6,7,8?!!

AsteroidAsterix · 22/08/2018 20:26

I clicked on the thread with my 3 year old in mind, his arms just aren't long enough yet but we still get him to try.
I've not been near my 8 year olds arse for years. I don't even know when she's had a poo. Why would I?
And a 12 year old?? What? I can't cope with this.

Aghaidh · 22/08/2018 20:29

@LillyBugg - here too! Genuinely don’t know how to show him 🙈
Anyone got any tips?

Haworthia · 22/08/2018 20:31

In my daughter’s defence, she’s on medication for chronic constipation which makes her bowel movements softer than most. So she did genuinely need help for a long time.

The stubbornness though? Can’t excuse that...

LillyBugg · 22/08/2018 20:32

Well I'm glad it's not just me Aghaidh

TacoFriday · 22/08/2018 20:37

“I agree with DM- why on earth can’t your children wipe themselves by 6,7,8?!!“

I don’t know, why? Honestly. Those parents who are here saying their kids try and still have skid marks in underwear... why do you think they can’t wipe properly?

How did you teach your kids? I’m guessing no differently than those above. Hmm

icedgem85 · 22/08/2018 20:40

She's been wiping since she was 2.5 she would have skid marks until 3 but she started preschool a couple of weeks after her third birthday and hasn't had dirty knickers since (unless she's unwell).

garethsouthgatesmrs · 22/08/2018 20:42

They are being lazy as he has a year until school. Ask them to check. If he were starting in Sept then YANBU but they should build up to it this coming year. 4 is normal I would say. Why put them at a disadvantage at school?

lillybug I didn't teach it exactly I just told them they had to try and for the first few months I would check. They were rubbish at first but got better.

TheSheepofWallSt · 22/08/2018 20:45

@taco

Honestly genuinely Im baffled by this. Not being goady- I simply don’t get how (poorly kids, kids with bowel issues and non-NT kids aside) a child by 6, 8, or god forbid 12 cannot wipe their own backsides?!

Something, somewhere, has gone very very wrong with the world.

CandyflossKing · 22/08/2018 20:59

DD1 is 4.5 and I cannot recall the last time. Or actually teaching her for that matter! She must have been 3 when she started doing it herself.

icedgem85 · 22/08/2018 21:06

To teach them... you just let them watch you. You get them to do it until the toilet paper is all clean. It was just part of potty training for us. At preschool they were expected to be able to do that themselves, certainly by reception and no one will be checking for them or even going into the toilets with them unless they have special needs.

CodLiverOil556 · 22/08/2018 21:11

Ah another thread where people compare their kids and come out with such bollocks and put other parents down. Why can't you answer the question/give advice without judgement or any other shit (pun intended) yes my 8 year old son asks me to check his bum as he hasn't quite mastered the technique yet and he wants to make sure his bum is clean.

4yearsnosleep · 22/08/2018 21:11

You need to teach them to wipe and check repeatedly until there's no marks on the toilet rolls. With some poos that's one wipe and some it's 10. Either way they wipe and check until there's no poo on the tissue Hmm

SoyDora · 22/08/2018 21:13

In terms of how to teach them, they’ve watched me in the toilet enough times! I tell them to keep wiping with fresh toilet paper until it comes away clean. They both generally do pretty solid bowel movements but sometimes have looser ones.

FruitCider · 22/08/2018 21:14

My child is 6 soon and still can't wipe their own bum... their arms don't seem long enough! They do try sometimes though.

Skisunsnow · 22/08/2018 21:17

My 5 year old wipes his own bum, (there is no way he'd want me to check it) and has been doing so for a couple of years. My 3 year old always gives it a good try, but I'll often check as I know she's a bit hit and miss!