To ask for your help to 'look polished'?

[pumpkinsandtreacle]

I know this might be a daft point to many, and apologies in advance if this isn't something that anyone here doesn't agree with or understand but it's something important to me at the moment.......

I have two DCs preschool age and a DH working abroad. Youngest DC is 3, and I've had a bit of a battle with PND and OCD since becoming a parent. At worst, it was, well, utterly horrendous and really terrifying but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now and have felt well, really well in fact, for a while (bar an unexpected relapse in May just so my brain could remind me it was still 'the boss').

One thing that has gone to pot throughout is any self of self-pride in my appearance and general 'wellbeing'. I'm clean, don't get me wrong - somewhere amidst the crazy and the chaos of having two preschoolers I promise I shower at least once a day :)

But, beyond that I'm a bit clueless as to how I look as 'polished' as so many of the lovely people I see in everyday life. I throw on whatever I find in the morning without a second thought (a lot of jogging bottoms and crocs - at the same time), hair (long and wild) is thrown into a Mum-bun and I slap on a bit of moisturiser if I'm lucky.

I'd love to just work out how to make being 'polished' a bit more of a routine? Does anyone have any good tips?? The one thing I thought I could do is actually lay out some clothes the night before, and just before I go to bed maybe just put everything on a hanger so it's ready to go? I know many people probably already do that, and I sound like a total buffoon, but that's where I am at the moment.

What do people do about make up? Hair? Nails? Jewellery? Or even if none of those things apply to you what do you do to feel 'finished' of a day? Nice shoes? A handbag (as opposed to the bag for life I seem to currently be carrying as it's got the kids' swimming things in along with my wallet)?? My skin's terribly dry but in the shower, do people really 'exfoliate'?? How do you genuinely have time to moisturise afterwards too?? How do so many parents have immaculate hair??? Is it really a daily wash and blow-dry kind of thing??

I don't want to look like a Kardashian. I just want to look like I've made a bit of an effort without needing to devote a length of time I don't have into doing so. I feel like if I plan for stuff I can just feel a bit better about myself, but I don't really know what to plan??

Also, I'd love to find a way to try some mindulness or yoga. I didn't cover mindfulness in therapy really, it was a lot of CBT and a few other treatments but I never got to practice mindfulness. Does anyone have any advice how I can make that kind of thing a simple addition to life? Is there such a thing as a ten-minute yoga routine I could try and do before the kids get up? Mindfulness etc - when do you fit it in??

Like I say, I know this kind of thing won't be of interest to many. And I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent and a silly thing to be trying to prioritise. But it's part of something bigger for me in terms of recovery and I'd really love any advice or tips or help anyone can give.

Thanks for reading, and for your time xx

You could try the "how to look expensive" threads on here. They are very useful sources of where to buy classic styles eg. They do always suggest having your nails, hair and eyebrows well groomed and making sure clothes fit properly.

Hi

Little bit at a time.

First of all, bin the joggers and crocs. That will never be a good look.

Buy some jeggings (Sainsbury’s are good) and a couple of nice tops and some converse.

Next get a haircut. In peace. On your own.

To exfoliate, just have a glove in the shower and rub down and moisturise when you get out.

Skincare.....to start with, just buy wipes and moisturiser.

Slowly slowly......make up in a month or so.

And get fitted for a new bra.

First of all chuck the crocs! I would say to start off doing little things and maybe the rest will follow. Brush your hair, you don’t have to wash it everyday, maybe invest in some dry shampoo. I think laying clothes out the night before is a good step until “throwing together” a good outfit starts to come naturally. Keep moisturising and do things like exfoliate in the shower to save time. Even little things like brushing your eyebrows in the right direction and popping some lipbalm/gloss on your lips can make you look more put together. Things like nails etc why don’t you have a gel mani, it lasts 3 weeks and takes about 40 mins so if you have time why not treat yourself every so often? It’s all about taking a little bit of time for you and you deserve it! You’re a busy mum with little ones, take sometime for some self love! Xx

Had no idea 'How to look expensive' threads existed... thanks - will search now :)

As for the bra, I have no real chest to speak of (even after two kids I still can't fill a 34A) but will give that a go and see what they suggest x

It's neither silly nor self-indulgent, you need to focus on looking after yourself and sometimes advice is the best way forward. The Style and Beauty board here is an absolute mine of amazing posters who know loads of tips, tricks and magic.

I would aim for one thing per month to be incorporated into your new routine; for the first month perhaps focus on your hair, get it cut, coloured and sorted. One evening a week when the DCs are in bed put a deep conditioning mask on and leave it overnight in a towel. Do it religiously and ask your hairdresser how to keep your hair in good nick; for me it's never brushing when wet, using good heat protection and Philip Kingsley's Elasticizer.

Then once you've got into a nice routine with your hair, focus on your skin; learn to double cleanse (Caroline Hirons is like the Beyonce of double cleansing - google her) although there's a billion mad things to stick on your skin, the basic premise is that each evening you cleanse once with an oil-based cleanser to dissolve the dirt/grime/makeup and then again with a non-oily-cleanser to remove all traces of everything that's left. It has revolutionised my skin (and as a result I need less makeup because my skin is lovely).

Force yourself to drink lots of water each day as that will boost your skin and energy levels. Look at supplements for energy levels, too (I take Biotin because my hair is wispy bollocks and I swear by it).

Book yourself in for fortnightly/monthly mani/pedis til you're in the habit of taking that time for yourself, too.

and a hug. You sound lovely. Come over to the S&B boards and keep us updated with how you're doing.

And yes, I'm not really sure I even remember where the crocs came from. I think I got them for garden-stuff....somehow they just end up on my feet and I only realise when I am home again and taking them off.....

for me it's never brushing when wet

Oh dear...... this is literally the only time it gets brushed at the moment!! I had no idea.

Also didn't really understand there were style & beauty boards (I only ever seem to see AIBU threads in the digest emails!).... but I will wander over now! Exciting :) Thank you!

I have two pre schoolers and a DH who works away a lot.
I don’t know if I look particularly ‘polished’ but here’s my contribution...

Yes I exfoliate in the shower and moisturise (I get dry skin otherwise). I find it only adds about 2 mins on to the routine so not a huge issue!
I try to ‘buy less but buy well’ when it comes to clothes. So I think about what’s already in my wardrobe to make sure that things go together and only buy well fitting, good quality things.
I don’t have my nails done or anything like that but do make sure they’re clean/filed in to a nice shape.
I have long hair so it doesn’t need cutting too often but I have a trim about every 12 weeks.
I have my eyebrows threaded every month or so. It’s £10 at the Debenhams near my house.
I don’t wear much make up but I do spend money on decent skin care so my skin is pretty clear.
I spend money on a decent winter coat and boots.
I don’t wear crocs or joggers!
I’m currently pregnant and go to a pregnancy yoga class once a week, and try and do 5 mins of it before bed.

Mostly place marking.

I essentially have a uniform of a jeans and a few tops. Make sure you have suitable shoes. Make sure you have enough suitable clothes. Winter is coming up - do you have nice trainers, boots, jumpers and long sleeved tops?

I rarely exfoliate and moisturise my body but I keep planning to use those gloves and then use baby oil as soon as I get out of the shower.

I have a couple of pairs of simple silver earrings that make me feel more human.

Oh I forgot jewellery... I have a necklace that I wear every day, a nice watch and my engagement and wedding rings... that’s it.

Tinted moisturiser/ foundation - I use BB cream , mascara , lipstick , paint nails with clear or pale couloir and weekly blowdry for when you let you hair down

I have a couple of pairs of simple silver earrings that make me feel more human.

Earrings - definitely have some of those - generally only ever seem to wear them on 'occasions' but I guess that's a bit daft... thank you!

Dry shampoo for me! A volumising effect one works wonders - throw my head upside down, spray and tussle and then brush. Bam! Looks like I've washed and blow dried it oh and I second the converse - they go with ANYTHING and so classic they instantly look "polished" even when scruffy!

Jumpsuits are working really well for me, one thing to throw on and seems to look like you've tried.

Get your eyebrows done properly- makes a world of difference

Nice perfume

Practical but good bag - try asos?

Personally I wouldn't bother with jewellery with young kids, they're just a hassle and something to be grabbed at

Have a look at yoga with Adrianne on YouTube. Do it with the children!
Look at head space for mindfulness, you can do just 5 minutes a day.
Drink more water, best beauty product their is.
Ditch the crocs. Now.
Keep nails short and tidy.
With clothes you don’t need hundreds of outfits, just a couple of nice bits. I only buy second hand but I still make sure that it’s something that will suit me and my shape. Doesn’t matter if it’s in fashion.
Exfoliate in the shower. Face and body.

You’ve got this!

Not sure I am polished at all.

But: I get my hair cut every 6-8 weeks.

I go to a local brow bar to get my brows threaded when I feel they need it.

Look in Superdrug for skincare, it's really good value eg their vitamin E range.

Always wear an SPF moisturiser (I'll let you off in December and January!)

I drink lots of water and have a multivitamin and iron tablets every day (the soluble kind, which makes it easier to drink the water).

I swim once a week, run 3 times a week and do a strength and conditioning session when I can fit it in.

Not sure if I look polished but I think I look healthy at least.

Oh and mindfulness you can do using an app. Try the one called mindfulness, you can set timers to remind you to be mindful, it need not take any additional time out of your day or you can squeeze a 5 min one at bedtime

Not sure I would say I’m particularly polished but the things that always make me feel better/well put together:

• my handbag and shoes always match. Easy really as I have a lovely tan bag and just wear tan sandals in the summer and tan Chelsea boots in the winter. But it’s a fast and simple way to look polished/put together

• I paint my nails. Do it at home twice a week in the evening when watching tv. In the summer my toe nails are done too.

-find jeans you love. When you’ve found them buy as many pairs as you can afford! I have four pairs of Gap Super High Rise Skinny Cropped jeans. 2 in black, 2 in blue. I wear them nearly every day!

• but simple, easy to wear pieces that are good quality when you can afford them. White and black tees that suit your shape. Then buy a couple of statement pieces that you really love. I tend to wear jeans and a t shirt or blouse everyday but have half a dozen jackets I love and it looks more like an ‘outfit’ when I throw one on

• look after your teeth. I had braces as a teen so have always been conscious of my teeth. Looking after them makes me feel happier and that I look better

• Buy a change bag you love. If you have to tote a massive bag around with you everywhere it might as well be one you like!

Following this with interest.
My kids are a little older but I’m so lazy.

I'm currently working on a contract where I have to leave the house at 5.25am and I refuse to set my alarm with a number beginning 4..... so I have getting ready and out the door in under 25 minutes down to a fine art!

My routine looks like this....

Night before
Shower and hair wash (usually after the gym)
Hair combed with a wide tooth comb and left down to air dry.
All make up removed and face washed, moisturiser applied.
Clothes laid out ready.
Gym bag repacked and put in the car boot.
Lunch made and in the fridge.
Breakfast made and in the fridge (overnight oats).
Anything DS needs for school/holiday club all ready too.

When I get up
Face rinsed in plain old water and teeth brushed.
Makeup - concealer, foundation, highlighter, bronzer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, brows
Hair tied up in a slicked back pony.
Clothes - slacks and a blouse type top.
Downstairs and eat my breakfast.
Grab my lunch bag and GO!

I exfoliate my body maybe once a week in the shower at home and same with my face on a Friday night when I remove my makeup and put on an overnight moisturiser.

I doubt I look polished. But the very small things that make a big difference to my appearance....

1. Groomed eyebrows, even just tweezing the strays.

1. Upper lip hair...i use an epi stick from Amazon, it's like threading. Do it every week and hurts less.

1. Filing nails once or twice a week

1. Not always possible with preschoolers but decent sleep improves my skin.

1. Coconut oil for shiny hair. Decent hair serum for frizz.

Not sure if I look polished but I think I look healthy at least.
^Completely agree with this. I think it’s a lot easier to look polished when you look healthy. A good moisturiser, eyebrow brush (and gel if unruly) and lip balm can give you that ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’ look without needing make up.

I’m a makeup lover, but still look ‘polished’ without it by keeping hair clean(ish), nails neat and clean, skin bright with diet and water, and a simple wardrobe.

A Le Pliage bag in black is also a practical way to carry your essentials.

Make syre your clothing and accesories co-ordinate. Dont wear more than two colours, you can wear different shades/hues of one colour but don't wear say green top, blue trousers , brown shoes and carry a red bag, becuse it can make you look messy however neatly you are dressed
Only wear your jogging bottoms and crocs forgardening and/or cleaning!

For me I think simple for looking polished.
Clothes wise there is absolutely no point in buying clothes that you don’t feel comfy in and will, on a ‘feeling off’ day resort back to the tracks and crocs. For me I have a ‘uniform’ of stretchy skinny jeans, a few nice cashmere jumpers (hello and thank you tk maxx) and 2 pairs of loafers. Those clothes alone make me feel confident that I am dressed in a way to be taken seriously, if that makes sense.
I usually have my hair in a messy bun or tidy high ponytail, secured with hairspray to stop the horrid frizzy bits I get otherwise.
Nails, I personally think that a slick of clear polish, or nothing apart from clean well trimmed nails, looks better than bright varnish that you have to upkeep.
A leather tote (again to maxx is great for this) big enough to keep lots of stuff in is great, and as an addition for putting school/kids crap in a basket bag in great and essentially like a Tesco bag for life bag but looks better :)
If your face is moisturised then I don’t think there’s always a need fiend make up. If you want to/have time then less is more - consider taking some time going to get HD eyebrows done (honesty it is amazing the difference it’s made to my tired old face!). A bit of blush, a slick of concealer around the eyes/nose/chin crease.
Body-wise - an exfoliating glove is great in the shower - just whack the shower gel on it and scrub. Then plop on a bit of moisturiser as soon as you get out of the shower (admittedly I don’t always do this as even though it only takes 2 minutes sometimes it’s just 2 minutes I don’t have). If you’re not going to moisturise then use a moisturising shower gel instead and don’t scrub :)
I’m really into smells too, if you smell good people notice. I love Next perfumes, they’re cheap and smell lovely (just pink is really grown up but fresh smelling IMO).
Take an evening and sit down and think about how you’d like to look, the practicality of it (ie would feel fabulous in heels but in practice couldn’t be arsed) and marry the practicality of your daily life with how you want to look and feel in your clothes. Make a list of what you have, what you need and just start sorting it out a bit at a time. And once you’ve got some bits and bobs start removing the undesirable items from your wardrobe or it’ll be all too easy on a morning that you’re not feeling amazing to slideeeee back into those comfy crocs instead of slipping on well fitting jeans and a nice pair of loafers. 😊