To ask for your help to 'look polished'?

[pumpkinsandtreacle]

I know this might be a daft point to many, and apologies in advance if this isn't something that anyone here doesn't agree with or understand but it's something important to me at the moment.......

I have two DCs preschool age and a DH working abroad. Youngest DC is 3, and I've had a bit of a battle with PND and OCD since becoming a parent. At worst, it was, well, utterly horrendous and really terrifying but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now and have felt well, really well in fact, for a while (bar an unexpected relapse in May just so my brain could remind me it was still 'the boss').

One thing that has gone to pot throughout is any self of self-pride in my appearance and general 'wellbeing'. I'm clean, don't get me wrong - somewhere amidst the crazy and the chaos of having two preschoolers I promise I shower at least once a day :)

But, beyond that I'm a bit clueless as to how I look as 'polished' as so many of the lovely people I see in everyday life. I throw on whatever I find in the morning without a second thought (a lot of jogging bottoms and crocs - at the same time), hair (long and wild) is thrown into a Mum-bun and I slap on a bit of moisturiser if I'm lucky.

I'd love to just work out how to make being 'polished' a bit more of a routine? Does anyone have any good tips?? The one thing I thought I could do is actually lay out some clothes the night before, and just before I go to bed maybe just put everything on a hanger so it's ready to go? I know many people probably already do that, and I sound like a total buffoon, but that's where I am at the moment.

What do people do about make up? Hair? Nails? Jewellery? Or even if none of those things apply to you what do you do to feel 'finished' of a day? Nice shoes? A handbag (as opposed to the bag for life I seem to currently be carrying as it's got the kids' swimming things in along with my wallet)?? My skin's terribly dry but in the shower, do people really 'exfoliate'?? How do you genuinely have time to moisturise afterwards too?? How do so many parents have immaculate hair??? Is it really a daily wash and blow-dry kind of thing??

I don't want to look like a Kardashian. I just want to look like I've made a bit of an effort without needing to devote a length of time I don't have into doing so. I feel like if I plan for stuff I can just feel a bit better about myself, but I don't really know what to plan??

Also, I'd love to find a way to try some mindulness or yoga. I didn't cover mindfulness in therapy really, it was a lot of CBT and a few other treatments but I never got to practice mindfulness. Does anyone have any advice how I can make that kind of thing a simple addition to life? Is there such a thing as a ten-minute yoga routine I could try and do before the kids get up? Mindfulness etc - when do you fit it in??

Like I say, I know this kind of thing won't be of interest to many. And I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent and a silly thing to be trying to prioritise. But it's part of something bigger for me in terms of recovery and I'd really love any advice or tips or help anyone can give.

Thanks for reading, and for your time xx

I exfoliate in the morning after a shower, those little Clearasil pads in a tub. Put on CC cream, line eyes with eyeshadow (dip the brush in water) it gives a soft smudged look for day. Tinted lipsalve like Dior Glow. Powder. Brush a bit of subtle bronzer or blush under cheekbones.

Get your eyebrows waxed or threaded and tinted once a month (takes about 10 mins total, I use a walk in salon as I'm too lazy to book ahead)!

I have long wavy hair so get it heavily layered and cut in a v shape, makes it easy to care for. I clip the front back or put it in a sideways ponytail (Mum bun at home though!) Twice a week I wash and blow dry it in sections with a rotating brush so it's smooth and hangs nicely.

Invest in some good quality comfortable clothes. Save joggers and crocs for home. I like leggings with stretchy tunics or oversized dresses, or yoga pants with longline tshirts and long cardigan. And pretty sandals, I only have one pair but they're matte silver so go with everything. In winter I switch to black uggs! Get a leather bag or smart rucksack to match footwear (or one with a trim/details in the same colour).

I doubt I would be thought of as traditionally ‘polished’ by many people, as my style is very alternative! However, I do try to look nice (in my own way). I went through a period of time feeling like a total scruffbag when I was adjusting to having less time for myself with kids, so had to learn how to be bloody efficient! My budget decreased too, so figuring out how to look okay without spending loads was a challenge.

Shoes - get some good ones! If you’re on your feet all day comfort is important, and you’re not likely to reach for a pair of heels if you can’t walk/drive in them, so decent trainers/boots/flats can be great. If you’re on a budget check out eBay or other selling sites - most of my footwear was bought second hand for much less than they’re worth but still in great condition!

Clothes - figure out what style you like, rather than copying others. You’ll find it much easier to put outfits together if you actually understand what kind of look you’re going for. Combining cheaper stuff (primark etc) with more expensive items can be a good technique. Figure out what colours you like and stick with stuff on that spectrum so that everything goes together! As someone else has said - iron your clothes; everything looks a mess when it’s crumpled.

If you’re short on time (three kids, I often am), washing your hair and letting it dry naturally in the early evening can be really helpful. What’s your hair like? If you find products that work for your hair type (curling mousse to enhance natural curls, smoothing creams for frizz, products to enhance volume etc) it will make it easier to manage in a hurry. I have naturally curly hair, but if I wake up and it’s insane i’ll quickly run straighteners through it to deal with any fuzziness. Play around with some styles that you can quickly throw your hair into if you’re having a bad hair day - YouTube can give you some ideas!

Makeup - to start with, just getting your eyebrows threaded can make a big difference (you can have this done for around £5ish in a lot of places), then you can do upkeep yourself once you have the shape. If you’re short on time BB cream, a quick swipe of mascara and a bit of brow mascara/pencil/whatever is easiest for you to work with can really brighten you up! I always find a touch of neutral eyeshadow and quickly popping a sheer lip colour on makes me feel more ‘finished’ when I’m short on time, too.
Painted nails can be great, but if you don’t often have time just making sure they’re tidy can make a difference too. Clear polish can be good, as it’s not as noticeable if you chip it but it does give you a lovely shine!

It’s totally okay to carve out some time to spend on yourself so that you feel confident; if you can arrange a trip to a salon for a bit of pampering you should totally do it!

I get my eyelashes tinted (have done DIY when funds have been low) and tinted moisturizer. I also use the gradual tan moisturizer on my body (I'm really pale, pink undertones, dry skin, covered in marks from any little spot, bite or cut I've had) as it makes me look more 'even'.
I've been know to put my hair up in a high donut, blast it with some dry shampoo and leave it for a couple of days.
I've got loads of soft fabric trousers, (shops are full of them at the moment, usually beige with a tie at the waist) and basic black T's.
Effortless and quick!

I guess it depends what aspects of your looks you don't like. For me, pale and greasy skin and frizzy hair are the things that make me look dishevelled. I use a body shop lip and cheek stain to make me look "alive" and some powder on forehead and nose to take away the shine. My hair looks like a kinky mess unless straightened, so I do that after each wash. If I don't have time to wash my hair, I use dry shampoo.

In terms of clothes, casual dresses are good because you just pull it over your head and it's already a full outfit. I like knee-length jersey dresses, especially Breton striped as they look "grown up" but not frumpy. Apart from that I just wear jeans and t-shirts. Clothes without logos look a bit smarter, I think.

I'm an A-cup too and I don't bother with bras. I only think a new bra is helpful if your posture or shape is compromised by the wrong size, which is unlikely in your case (and mine).

If you're buying new clothes and accessories, I would invest most in the shoes, jacket and handbag as they're the things you use every day. Converse are better than Crocs good and have a big range of colours and styles.

Good luck! :)

No one is a 34a.

Ex-fucking-scuse me? Here's that "no one" you're talking about. There are people of all shapes and sizes in the world, believe it or not.

Watching with interest, could have written your post!

I’m time poor and lazy. For me it’s about doing what I always do, but swapping to better versions. Crocs were not my thing but manky trainers and Birkenstocks were. So I’ve updated them. Leggings replaced with very soft skinny jeans. Faded stretched out t shirts with newer ones. I try (but fail often) to wear sweaters instead of hoodies. Though I did replace my many hoodies from the boys dept at H&M with 2 from superdry. My hair is completely natural. And grey. And I don’t cut it often as I’m a bit phobic. I cut my own fringe, tie up and use hairspray to calm any fly-away strands. My facial skin care is more complicated than I’d prefer, but it looks ok and I don’t wear make up generally. I only exfoliate/moisturise my body when it get visibly scaly. I never change my earrings: I’ve got quite a lot and they’re all plain and matching silver or white gold. Nails are clipped and filed short.

Earlier in the summer I got Philips Lumea machine. It’s working pretty well, so I attend to legs about every 2 weeks with no hair removal in between: I do think a summer dress makes feeling “put together” very easy in summer. I do my tache with wax strips most weeks, and brow threading is £5 1x a month at a salon near work (I work 2 days).

I don’t exercise. I’m a healthy weight but not skinny. I wear good bras. Which means I only have 2 at the moment.

Another one recommending Yoga With Adriene on YouTube - she is amazing, I think I might be a little bit in love with her. She has hundreds of free yoga routines on YouTube, all completely free of charge, ranging from 3 minutes to an hour. They cover all sorts of ‘topics’ - there is literally a routine for everything...yoga for back pain, yoga for a hangover, yoga for hamstrings, yoga for digestion, yoga for heartbreak...you name it, she has put together a routine for it. I really like her ‘find what feels good approach’ - no pressure to look like a perfect yogi or even to do everything she says, just get on the mat and enjoy stretching your body out, however that may look to you.

Good luck!

Yoga with Adriene is brilliant. I am also a bit in love with her. Yoga will also have the advantage of improving your posture.

Thought of another one - I replaced a lot of my old cotton t-shirts with linen ones. H&M had nice ones last time I was there. They look a lot smarter but require no extra effort (apart from that they do need ironing but I'd have ironed cotton anyway). Linen t-shirt, well fitting skinny jeans, leather sandals and a leather tote is just as comfy for me as trackie bottoms and flip flops but looks so much more put together.

There are loads of great ideas here! I always struggle with my hair, it’s thick, coarse and wavy aswell but not enough to tease Into looking good so it has to be straightened or looks bloody awful. It takes an age to do all the time and is the one thing that prevents me looking ‘polished’ more regularly because it’s just such a faff, so to those who posted about the keratin straightening products I can’t thank you enough! I’ve just purchased my first one and can’t wait to try it!

Also to the OP, it might be worth joining Groupon as you can get deals on Hair cuts, manicures and pedis, sometimes clothes and accessories etc. It might help with the initial effort/expense to get your hair or whatever how you want it and then you can just proceed with the maintenance side of things x

Just read this and could have written it! Only difference being I'm now a bit too plump due to lazy/quick eating in between everything else going on.
My DSis told me to make a list of everything I want to improve on, section it out, and chip away at it slowly.
That was a good few months ago though, still haven't got round to making the list 😬😂

As for bras, soft sports bras with foam cups are really comfortable and give small boobs shape without wires and heavy gel.

Also match colours to look put together and polished eg a colour in your tshirt pattern matching your cardigan and socks, or your leggings matching the lapel of your coat. Don't clash colours and definitely don't clash patterns! Look at the colour wheel for colours that go well and accent colours for accessories.

I avoid jewellery for daytime other than ear studs or a single bracelet, I think too much looks tacky.

Obviously the following isn’t necessarily cheap but look for deals etc...

I have 4 young dc...so don’t have much time for myself...

I have permanent eyeliner and eyebrows...try to have my nails done once a month (get hands and feet done at the same time to save time)...tinted moisturizer, mascara, blusher, lipgloss..

I only wash my hair twice/3 times a week..I’m going to have the Brazilian blowdry soon so my hair is much easier to “style” so no blow drying etc...

Buy a few pairs of skinny jeans and a few nice tops...they don’t have to be expensive..and I always wear platform Converse/Superga trainers (white) as im on the short side so it makes me feel better about myself!

Definitely a good bra too...I buy in all neutral colours...black, white, skin colour...underwired t shirt bras with a bit of lift...work under all clothes.

Get measured too so you’ve got the right size!

of course it doesn't matter, but I am the least style conscious person ever and even I won't go out in trackies and crocs. (plus they are useless if they get wet and crocs are bad for feet)

dressed for what you are doing. So decent walking shoes/trainers (not farty fashion kit), appropriate trousers (I almost always wear walking ones which are smart and have pockets), hair brushed and tied back if you want. Clean and no rips or tears. Done - all else optional. Oh, and get a decent backpack so you get hands free, like men have.

makeup doesn't add polish but if you want to wear it, wear it. too much is of course not polished - check out the GCSE kids on the telly last night with inch thick slap and those ridiculous Max Headroom eyebrows. not good.

1. Hair. Get it cut every two months in a style that you can manage to do every two days. Use dry shampoo on the day in between.

1. Eyebrows. Go and get them threaded by a professional, then use tweezers once a week to keep them tidy.

1. Skin. Drink lots of water. Use a facial scrub in the shower a couple of times a week (the St Ive's one is good) and a gentle face wash. Slap a bit of moisturiser on when you get out of the shower and leave it to sink in when going about your business. (Or facial oil if your skin is dry - the Neal's Yard rose facial oil is great.) Quick flick of mascara and some tinted lip balm before you go out.

1. Clothes. Get measured for a new bra. You are probably not a 34A, or even an A cup. Most people need to go down a back size and up a cup size. Wear clothes that are comfortable and the right size for you. Stick to a certain colour palette and try to build a capsule wardrobe of things you like and which go together so you're never stuck trying to find something to wear.

1. Get a manicure and pedicure. Then try to paint your toenails and at least file your fingernails once a week when your kids are in bed.

1. Bin the crocs and get a couple of pairs of versatile shoes. I suggest a pair of Converse or similar, a pair of ballet flats in a nice colour and some smart ankle boots for autumn.

1. Invest in a nice coat because come October it's what people are going to see you in most often.

1. Hair. I have quite long unstyled hair (don't have the time or inclination for anything else). I keep a small hairbrush in my bag and just brush it through a couple of times a day. Also get it trimmed regularly. I also experiment with easy up dos for work. A bit of hairspray can transform a messy bun to a Meghan bun!

1. Skin - def recommend a loofah mitt to keep in shower as pp have said. Less than 30 secs and twice a week is enough. Nivea do a rinse on/off body moisturiser which is great. Again just 30 secs.

1. Nails. Gel nails are great as they are long lasting. I've got a kit worth a Uv lamp and i do it in front of the telly on Sunday evenings. Last about 3 weeks.

1. If you can afford it get laser hair removal for legs, pits etc. I got a great deal on Groupon and it's saved me soooo much time.

1. Other beauty routines - i have a time slot on Sunday mornings. Just 30 mins (my kids know to leave me alone and after that I'm all theirs) but it's surprising what you can get done. I do a face scrub and pack (i wear make up all week for work and it's brightens up my complexion to give it a deep clean). While it's on i check what else needs doing - so alternate different stuff each week (ie tidy eyebrows with tweezers, cut/repaint toenails etc), then jump in shower, wash face pack off and loofah my body.

1. Although i usually wear a full face of make up for work i have a bare minimum look which is BB cream and mascara (or when in holiday i get lash extensions instead) and tinted lip balm (nivea watermelon shine is my favourite).

1. Shoes. I love Fit Flops and wear them as long as possible. They are structured so really comfortable for walking, driving etc have a raised heel and most are sparkly so look a bit glam. Easy to slip on/off when wrangling children etc. My other suggestion for smarter but comfy shoes/boots is Gabor.

1. Clothes. Well fitting gym kit/yoga wear (including good sports bra) is very practical and still looks nice imo, better than baggy trackies. For smarter wear suggest go to TKMaxx and spending some time trying on different brands of jeans etc to see what suits your figure and taste. I discovered Vila jeans and never looked back. I also LOVE karen millen tops/ dresses. Very pricey but have found loads of ebay bargains. I wear lots of black (i appreciate not everyone's taste) as it makes it easy to mix and match clothes. I agree with pp who said with investing in stuff you will wear/ be seen often do if you can afford to splurge a but, do so on coat, jacket boots etc.

1. Bra - i am a 34A (really) and aside from sports bra i wear bras from Max Cleavage. Omg they are amazing. Really comfortable well made bras which fill out my clothes perfectly. I feel great wearing them. My confidence and posture has improved 100%!

10. Accessories. A good bag should be a good investment. I've bought some fantastic bags (LV, Prada etc) for a fraction of price of new from Etsy. Think about what you need practically and go from there. My "main" bag is a huge Prada tote which gets everything in it including make up, hairbrush , baby wipes, packed lunch etc!

Good luck OP. I'm not a natural glamour puss but trained myself into it as I'm expected to look groomed for my job. I actually enjoy it now!

You are probably not a 34A, or even an A cup.

A-cups don't exist, you see.

Interesting to see that I disagree with almost everybody. Cut your hair as short as possible? Yeah that'll look good... if it's kitten-soft and straight. Wiry/wavy... not so much. I've learned the hard way that my hair needs weight to stay down and just sticks up all over the place even at shoulder length. Exfoliate? Eyelash extensions? Pedicures? Ain't nobody got time for that!

My hair is much easier to manage long RoboticSealpup, the weight keeps it in a nice shape and I just have to have it trimmed every few months and wave the hairdryer over it after washing.
Exfoliating takes me less than a minute though

Exfoliating gloves for the shower.

Hair straighteners
Go for sleeker lines - chuck out the jogging bottoms and crocs
Find out what cut of clothes suit you and stick to it - don't go with fashion over what suits you
Find that necklace/pair of shoes/handbag/whatever that makes you feel confident! When others see you as confident, you will appear polished too

It took me years to find what suited me clothes-wise. Now my colleagues will say, 'I saw a dress/pair of shoes yesterday that were just you!'

I've noticed that the polished mums on the preschool run tend to wear a 'uniform'. I.e. Skinny jeans in dark colours with a simple t-shirt and cardigan or hoody. Plain colours or either a coloured tahirt or cardie (not both!)

Bra fitting - as a guide your back size is usually the same as your dress size I.e. Size 10 - 30 back, size 12 = 32 back, 14=34 etc. Following this I went up 4 cup sizes and bras have never been more comfortable.

Shoes - one pair for winter, one for summer and flip flops. Slip ons or zip shoes are invaluable! They have to be comfy and good quality.

Large leather tote to chuck anything in.

Trimmed, filed nails. Polish just chips and then needs maintenance in my experience

Shower in the evening - wash face and body with a flannel. Cheeky wipes are fab - bought them for my children and now I use them too. Slap on moisturiser after shower.

Either get a haircut (just long enough to put in a ponytail) thats shaped around your face or find an up do that's quick and suits you (mines a French plait).

I tend to do everything for me once the dc are in bed - including a 15min stretch.

Wear matching underwear in a style you like.

Iron your clothes including jumpers. Debobble your jumpers regularly.

Hair: every person ever selected to appear on a tv ‘transformation ‘ show had bad hair. Sort out the hair, add a few clothes that suit the person’s body shape and bingo!

Smile 😊. It looks way more polished than a permanent frown and is good for your mood. Not non stop obviously but consciously smile more often and you will look better, stand better (posture, posture, posture) and feel better.

So many people are recommending skinny jeans but actually cropped wide leg trousers are very flattering with a fitted top. Also slightly less than skinny. Uniqlo currenty has some ‘leggings’ which are trousers by any other name witha flattering side zip and a decent amount of stretch and a very nice shape.

Dresses and jumpsuits mean you have a whole outfit in one. In winter I wear a dress, thick tights and flattish, fitted boots all the time.

Plan, plan, plan. And throw away all your dodgy gear and old, stained or not fitting clothes. Get rid forever and look forward to feeling polished.

Just to say, having done lots of exercise, I'm currently down to a 32AA or perhaps a 30A on the bra front, but having one that actually fits properly makes a word of difference to a) how you feel and b) how your clothes fit on top.

Here are my basics:
Semi permanent eyebrows
Tinted moisturiser
Tinted lip balm
Hair- mine is also long thick and wild and I wear a pony a lot but my top tip is coconut oil over night once a week then wash in the a.m. I also condition before I shampoo (just the lower half).
Put it in a pony but take a couple of sections and wrap them around the band. You can get really quick at this and it makes your up do look more "on purpose".
I often wear a french plait too- I can do it in 2 minutes (you tube!)
I don't find jeans very comfortable so I wear a lot of cullottes (Uniqlo and Zara are good) with basic long sleeve t shirts. Also have many dungarees and loose dresses with thick tights.
A good leather bag, leather ankle boots or loafers. Don't buy cheap plastic shoes it's a false economy.
Instead of cardigans ( have irational hatred of them) I have a couple of semi structured cropped jackets in cotton and wool that sort of go with lots of things. I also have a poncho that I love in the winter which I wear over stretchy velvet or cord trousers. I'm not a "classic" dresser but good quality fabrics and coordinating colours make me feel more put together.
My main clothes tips are coordinating colours (same colour different shades) or two colours that clash but not a black bottoms and a light top. So I might wear a navy corduroy dungaree dress with a bright yellow t shirt underneath or a pair of dark grey trousers and a pale grey jumper, but not a pair of black trousers and a white shirt. That might just be me though!