To ask for your help to 'look polished'?

[pumpkinsandtreacle]

I know this might be a daft point to many, and apologies in advance if this isn't something that anyone here doesn't agree with or understand but it's something important to me at the moment.......

I have two DCs preschool age and a DH working abroad. Youngest DC is 3, and I've had a bit of a battle with PND and OCD since becoming a parent. At worst, it was, well, utterly horrendous and really terrifying but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now and have felt well, really well in fact, for a while (bar an unexpected relapse in May just so my brain could remind me it was still 'the boss').

One thing that has gone to pot throughout is any self of self-pride in my appearance and general 'wellbeing'. I'm clean, don't get me wrong - somewhere amidst the crazy and the chaos of having two preschoolers I promise I shower at least once a day :)

But, beyond that I'm a bit clueless as to how I look as 'polished' as so many of the lovely people I see in everyday life. I throw on whatever I find in the morning without a second thought (a lot of jogging bottoms and crocs - at the same time), hair (long and wild) is thrown into a Mum-bun and I slap on a bit of moisturiser if I'm lucky.

I'd love to just work out how to make being 'polished' a bit more of a routine? Does anyone have any good tips?? The one thing I thought I could do is actually lay out some clothes the night before, and just before I go to bed maybe just put everything on a hanger so it's ready to go? I know many people probably already do that, and I sound like a total buffoon, but that's where I am at the moment.

What do people do about make up? Hair? Nails? Jewellery? Or even if none of those things apply to you what do you do to feel 'finished' of a day? Nice shoes? A handbag (as opposed to the bag for life I seem to currently be carrying as it's got the kids' swimming things in along with my wallet)?? My skin's terribly dry but in the shower, do people really 'exfoliate'?? How do you genuinely have time to moisturise afterwards too?? How do so many parents have immaculate hair??? Is it really a daily wash and blow-dry kind of thing??

I don't want to look like a Kardashian. I just want to look like I've made a bit of an effort without needing to devote a length of time I don't have into doing so. I feel like if I plan for stuff I can just feel a bit better about myself, but I don't really know what to plan??

Also, I'd love to find a way to try some mindulness or yoga. I didn't cover mindfulness in therapy really, it was a lot of CBT and a few other treatments but I never got to practice mindfulness. Does anyone have any advice how I can make that kind of thing a simple addition to life? Is there such a thing as a ten-minute yoga routine I could try and do before the kids get up? Mindfulness etc - when do you fit it in??

Like I say, I know this kind of thing won't be of interest to many. And I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent and a silly thing to be trying to prioritise. But it's part of something bigger for me in terms of recovery and I'd really love any advice or tips or help anyone can give.

Thanks for reading, and for your time xx

Sure, but is that really necessary? I never do it and I don't see a build-up of dead skin cells.

It’s probably not necessary, no. Like many things people do in the name of ‘beauty’. It makes my skin feel nicer though so I do it 🤷🏻‍♀️

It means moisturiser is more effective.

Well, I shave my legs every day so I'm not gonna judge...

Thanks everyone, lots of great tips to work my way through!

Bra size seems a bit of a contentious point so I have indeed been measured and yes, I am actually not a 34A after all..... I’m in fact a 34AA, a size I didn’t even know existed!!

I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned as have only skim read the thread but ‘The Ordinary’ is a great range of cheap treatment skincare products. I’ve been using it for a couple of weeks and the results are noticeable. I think having good skin is important to look polished.

Placemarking

Great thread op :)

Similar happened to me, felt like I had let myself go and with fibromyalgia/insomnia and MH issues I was struggling.

I also turned 40 in January and decided enough was enough.

For me this is what has worked- wonders!

Getting shellac on my nails once a month.
It's bloody fantastic, I feel so much better having my nails done ( never ever had false ones ) and it lasts, I have OCD and clean a lot, it's tough stuff.

Eyebrows and lashes. I get a special offer where I get my lashes tinted ( they're very dark anyway but mascara irritates me ) eyebrows waxed and tinted- for £10 at the same place I get my nails done (£15)

Bought some Aveda moisturiser for my face and use it religiously after my daily shower

Never go out without a bit of blush and lipstick on ( I love lipstick )

Perfume- always makes me feel lovely

Shoes and sandals, always on the look out for nice ones. I'm a big size 8 and shoes can be hard for me so when I find some I like I get them

Clothes- I'm actually a size 18/20 and dress very well for my shape. Lots of stretchy jeans, pretty tops and scarves and most colour on the top half, distracting attention from my bottom half!

Fresh air- sounds silly but I look much better when I've been for a good walk

Diet and exercise- I'm working on that

The best feeling is when you find an outfit that makes you feel good. It shows for sure as the inner confidence comes out.

Lots of laughter- swear this helps me, I love watching things like Only Fools And Horses, nothing like laughing to make me feel better

Find time for you- due to my insomnia I take advantage and use the early mornings to make sure I get things done for me, self esteem is so bloody important

Clothes- start again, less is more. This was hard for me but who needs 42 tops that do nothing for you? Start buying one thing at a time and build up your wardrobe

Converse- I bought mine when pregnant in summer 2010 with dd who is 8 next Feb, they're still going strong. Throw in washing machine every few months, good as new

Lastly, learn to love what you've got and work with it. Changes won't happen overnight but if you do one thing at a time you will soon have the look you want

Very best of luck. Ps now I'm 40 and have got myself together I feel better than I did at 30. It's all about making small changes

I like to use marks and Spencer’s face tanning oil a few times a week, keeps you looking glowing even when you don’t have time for makeup.
A good brow shape and tint also.

I would throwing as a super unhralthuunfit size 18...couch to 5k...you might be rubbish at running g, you might hate ye, but it's idiotproof, free,youmightneedto spend 4 ,,weeks on each week but when yourself back in the house youfeelsoooo much better x

I quite like the French idea of not having to have v groomed hair - often just down and lanky-ish or up in a genuinely scrappy bun - but having lovely sunglasses/scarf/bright lipstick instead to distract/contrast.

Also, being polished can often be a state of mind rather than your actual look. Being able to have five/ten mins to yourself in the morning, whether it's getting up super-early or while the kids are eating breakfast or whatever, means I feel so much more "together" whether I'm wearing a suit and classic handbag or some jeans and a t-shirt, just because I'm not rushing and sweating and begging the DCs to please hurry up.
(I do love all these tips, though.)

Great thread OP! Loving all the tips & tricks!

After years —decades— of throwing a scrunchy on my hair, I YouTubed how to do a messy bun, a French pleat, ballerina bun, so that I finally learned how to do a quick smart hair do in 45 seconds.

BB cream from Lidl, quick flick of mascara, and lipstick.

Quick sweep of bronzing powder if you are having a pale day.

Earrings.

Scarves.

Shellac or gel nails are great; even better if you can pick up a matching £2 nail polish to touch up the base as your nail grows. So

You don't need to shower at least once a day! That's not necessary unless you sweat excessively!

I'll tell you what I do: (and sometimes I don't feel nowhere near polished)

Brows- get them done once a month/5-6 weeks (+dye). It's important to me to have a natural, quite thick shape. I have a fear of thin eyebrows
Hair- I'll admit I never wash it at home. My salon has a monthly package for blowdrys and I'm happy with the price, saves me time and nerves. 2x /week. Haircut + dye once at 8 weeks.
Shellac nails: 2x/month. I can't stay longer than this, I don't like how it looks. Pedicure once a month, including winter, maybe 1.5 months in winter
Facials: The salon I go to uses Guinot and has crazy expensive facials machines. Therefore it's expensive so I only afford to go once at 3 months or so.
I shave myself at home, been meaning to try waxing but wasn't brave enough yet. I also scrub my whole body with a coffee scrub from Frank
Clothes- I try to dress quite comfy but quite elegant. Usually no heels. My summer "uniform" would be a dress or sandals
Bags- I'm terrible with bags. I only have a black one which needs changing soon, a few small ones (coloured) that I never wear to work because I can't fit everything into them.
Accessories: I have only recently started investing in accessories. I normally wear tiny silver earrings and a bracelet (eg Pandora with a few charms). I recently started wearing necklaces and I try to coordinate everyday's outfits with a nice necklace.

My point is: To look extremely polished I have noticed you have to be thin (I am not exactly fat but I am a chubby size 10, working on this), and have a bit of tan.

I usually drink 1.5 litres of water a day but I have to look at my carbs/sugar intake.

Hope it helped!

Oh, and find your signature perfume. My one is Alien by Thierry Mugler. I only have about 3, but mostly use Alien.

You absolutely don't have to be thin to look polished. One of my friends is the Queen of Polish, everything's immaculate, colour coordinated, perfect nails and hair, the lot, she also smells amazing. She must be a size 22.

Cleanliness is the first base of polish. A daily bath or shower IS essential.

@Bluelady That's amazing! I think I must be going crazy because of this stupid instagram. Sometimes I feel fat and I am a bloody size 10!

Of course, being clean is essential. Never even thought of mentioning this, it's a no brainer

Here's my tuppence worth :

Drink loads of water
Low carb, high fat and protein diet. Loads of veggies
Be a healthy weight
Hair natural colour, or at least the appearance of
Moisturise lots
Exfoliate
Clothes that suit you
Clothes that fit you

Good tip to read the threads in style and beauty

My point is: To look extremely polished I have noticed you have to be thin (I am not exactly fat but I am a chubby size 10, working on this), and have a bit of tan.

^^
Totally agree.

Why would no-one be a 32a or whatever?

As I just pointed out, I know someone who completely disproves the weight/size theory. She's the most polished woman I've ever met.

Why would no-one be a 32a or whatever?

Because small breasts are considered a flaw, so most normal women who have them use 'booster' bras and most celebrities (all expect Keira Knightley, pretty much) have plastic surgery. I guess if you never see women with very small breasts anywhere, you draw the conclusion that they are borderline freaks extremely unusual.