To ask for your help to 'look polished'?

[pumpkinsandtreacle]

I know this might be a daft point to many, and apologies in advance if this isn't something that anyone here doesn't agree with or understand but it's something important to me at the moment.......

I have two DCs preschool age and a DH working abroad. Youngest DC is 3, and I've had a bit of a battle with PND and OCD since becoming a parent. At worst, it was, well, utterly horrendous and really terrifying but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now and have felt well, really well in fact, for a while (bar an unexpected relapse in May just so my brain could remind me it was still 'the boss').

One thing that has gone to pot throughout is any self of self-pride in my appearance and general 'wellbeing'. I'm clean, don't get me wrong - somewhere amidst the crazy and the chaos of having two preschoolers I promise I shower at least once a day :)

But, beyond that I'm a bit clueless as to how I look as 'polished' as so many of the lovely people I see in everyday life. I throw on whatever I find in the morning without a second thought (a lot of jogging bottoms and crocs - at the same time), hair (long and wild) is thrown into a Mum-bun and I slap on a bit of moisturiser if I'm lucky.

I'd love to just work out how to make being 'polished' a bit more of a routine? Does anyone have any good tips?? The one thing I thought I could do is actually lay out some clothes the night before, and just before I go to bed maybe just put everything on a hanger so it's ready to go? I know many people probably already do that, and I sound like a total buffoon, but that's where I am at the moment.

What do people do about make up? Hair? Nails? Jewellery? Or even if none of those things apply to you what do you do to feel 'finished' of a day? Nice shoes? A handbag (as opposed to the bag for life I seem to currently be carrying as it's got the kids' swimming things in along with my wallet)?? My skin's terribly dry but in the shower, do people really 'exfoliate'?? How do you genuinely have time to moisturise afterwards too?? How do so many parents have immaculate hair??? Is it really a daily wash and blow-dry kind of thing??

I don't want to look like a Kardashian. I just want to look like I've made a bit of an effort without needing to devote a length of time I don't have into doing so. I feel like if I plan for stuff I can just feel a bit better about myself, but I don't really know what to plan??

Also, I'd love to find a way to try some mindulness or yoga. I didn't cover mindfulness in therapy really, it was a lot of CBT and a few other treatments but I never got to practice mindfulness. Does anyone have any advice how I can make that kind of thing a simple addition to life? Is there such a thing as a ten-minute yoga routine I could try and do before the kids get up? Mindfulness etc - when do you fit it in??

Like I say, I know this kind of thing won't be of interest to many. And I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent and a silly thing to be trying to prioritise. But it's part of something bigger for me in terms of recovery and I'd really love any advice or tips or help anyone can give.

Thanks for reading, and for your time xx

Put all these tips together and you'll
be thinner too, as you won't have time to eat.

Also I always wear a sports bra - I’m a fully paid member of the itty bitty oh shit they’ve disappeared titty committee- and the padding on the sports bra gives me the shape I like but it’s oh so comfy. No one can see what underwear you have on so go comfy every time!

I bought a kids yoga dvd from Amazon which I do with my ds. I also go swimming with him once a week. I find the swimming really helps my mood and energy. It seems to be very good for me.

I always wear jeans and a nice top with either trainers or shoes. I am starting to think about winter clothes now trying to work out what will be in fashion this year.

You can buy body moisturisers that you put on while soaking wet as soon as you get out of the shower. I’ve got a Sanctuary Spa one and I just slap it on before getting dry and dresses. Saves loads of time. Also I get my clothes ready and bag packed the night before. You don’t have to have a handbag, what about a rucksack you could throw over your shoulder on the way out?

Exfoliate in shower.
Use a shower gel that includes moisturiser (altho I prefer soap myself) then body moisturiser.
Earrings.
File nails once a week and apply clear polish.
Some more stylish slip on shoes other than crocs (Convers look great but take too long just to slip on first thing in the morning). ? Sketchers have some nice things but that's personal choice.
Touch of concealer and a slick of lip balm.

The thing that made a massive difference to me was cutting my hair. What's the point of having lovely long hair if it's always tied up? I get mine cut every 6-8 weeks and it makes me look neater.

I agree that ditching the trackie bottoms and crocs and finding a “uniform” that suits you is key. Mine is usually leggings and a dress, with a co-ordinating scarf thrown over when going out. I have a few outfits that all go together and keep cardigans, accessories etc by the front door so I can quickly grab something on the way out.

Make up wise I think a bright lip can make you look a bit put together (and younger) without wearing any other make up, or maybe just a lick of mascara. Have enjoyed sunglasses weather so I don’t have to bother with eye makeup.

I struggle with hair too and mine definitely doesn’t look polished! I’ve just bought Olaplex 1 & 2 to do overnight treatments at home, and a keratin straightening kit from amazon that was recommended here to help with the frizz. Good luck!

Also if you’re time poor I wouldn’t bother with nails other than keeping them trimmed and clean. I never notice anyone’s nails unless they are those hideous stick on talon ones, total waste of time IMO.

Tinted moisturiser or BB cream makes your skin look great and takes seconds. I use Laura Mercier when I'm feeling flush and Rimmel BB cream when I'm not. Two more seconds for a dab of blusher on each cheek. If you can find 30 seconds, you have time for a quick slick of mascara. Another 10, a bit of lippy

Shoes: I adore my crocs but will never venture further than my garden in them because they are, frankly, hideous. Ballet flats are comfy and as quick to put on as crocs and look great with jeans, leggings, cropped trousers, capris and some skirts. Loafers ditto, but they dpn't suit everyone, and when the weather's colder, ankle boots that zip up.

Definitely put clothes out the night before. Jeans that fit well look better than smarter trousers that don't, if you have good legs, jeggings look great. Throw on a classic sweatshirt, Breton top (I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't look good in a Breton top) and with your ballet flats you'll pass for a Boden yummy mummy.

Hair: get a decent haircut and a style you can manage easily. For me, it was a bob. I'd wash, blowdry and straighten at night when I had time, and in the morning, just run my fingers through it. Then I got a shoulder problem that meant I couldn't lift my arm above shoulder height; now it's layered, air dried and gets a rake with a comb, a quick dab of curl definer and shaken upside down: hey presto, wavy Big Hair.

A manicure every 3 weeks and a decent bag and you'll look the bee's knees.

Put all these tips together and you'll
be thinner too, as you won't have time to eat.

Pahahahahaha :) Another up side in that case! ;)

These are all lovely, and really helpful thank you so much everyone!!

You need a bra intervention ( look for the threads). No one is a 34a. At the very least try a 32B. Most people go too large in the chest. Too small in the cup. Don’t go to m&s to be fitted. They use an out of date system.

I have a few basics to make my face feel done on the hop. Eye lashes curled, blusher, and eyebrow pencil to make them look less sparse. Those are my three absolute minimums for makeup.

Always wear stud earrings pref with sparkle or white such as pearl. Makes your face a bit brighter.

Skinny jeans and a nice top is an easy go to you don’t have to think about much. Decent pair of boots in the winter, converse type shoes in the summer.

Also invest in a decent necklace and just wear it all the time. Never take it off. Makes life easier. I have a lovely pave disc necklace right now, goes with everything. If it’s decent quality you can shower in it, sleep in it etc.

Mostly place marking (sorry!) but dry shampoo & that Sanctuary moisturiser you can put on in the shower when still wet are life savers for me!!!!

Also - clothes out the night before and have at least a few outfits that you look / feel fab in. They don't need to be expensive - just clean, ironed & coordinated!

Have your teeth whitened. Your dentist will give you trays and bleach for about £300 and you do it at home. It lasts about 2 yrs and you can buy more bleach to do again with the original trays. Also dry shampoo is a godsend when you have little ones.

With clothes I think you have to consider your lifestyle. As a SAHM with small dc you need practical and comfortable but that doesn't have to be tracky bottoms and leggings.

Think about skinny jeans or trousers with flat shoes or ankle boots as autumn approaches. Wear with a tunic top, a cotton shirt or vest/cami and cardigan. Day dresses with thick tights and flats are another option and you can get loads that don't need ironing.

I have long, thick hair and find if I leave too long between cuts it's impossible to do anything with. Get a few inches chopped off and maybe some long layers, it will look loads better.

Use an exfoliating glove/shower puff or even just a rough flannel with your soap or gel in the shower. You're washing anyway so it's not taking any longer. I do it while my hair conditioner is in.

Re body moisturizing I'm always surprised when people say they don't have time but then I reckon they're possibly influenced by those tv ads where women seems to spend ages languidly massaging lotion into their long, lithe limbs . Screw that you're not filming soft porn just squeeze a load of E45 in to your hands and rub it all over, 30 - 60 seconds will do it!

Makeup (if you want to wear it) - a cc cream or liquid foundation and some powder plus mascara and a neutral lipstick or tinted balm. Takes 5 minutes. A clear or subtle shade of nail polish on neatly trimmed nails.

Oh and ditch the bag for life Op! Buy yourself a proper bag that works for your daily needs .

Acrylic or Shellac/other gel nails, depending on how good your nails are (I need acrylic, nothing else stays on longer than a couple of days). No matter how yuck I feel having nails on makes me feel a million times better. Gutted I can’t have my acrylics at the moment as I have water damage on my nails. Threaded eyebrows and lashes on as well - less work and never look bad.

In seriousness, I looked neither expensive nor polished, but, on the days when I can be arsed, I usually try some sort of loose top/tight trouser or tight top/loose trouser combination, with nice shoes (sandals or loafers) in a neutral colour. I have a decent neutral leather bag.

Make up: try the Maybelline Dream Cushion and a proper foundation brush - easiest I've ever applied make up in my life. Tidy eyebrows and clear lip gloss.

Nails and toenails - I only bother if I'm going for an interview or wearing sandals.

Dry shampoo for me! A volumising effect one works wonders - throw my head upside down, spray and tussle and then brush. Bam! Looks like I've washed and blow dried it

Totally this. It makes a massive difference compared to scraped back hair. A dust of powder and some lipstick only takes seconds as well and changes the look entirely, I don't bother with any more than that most of the time.

Personally I think ditch the jogging bottoms and replace them a pair of well-cut jeans for everyday use. Burn the crocs.

Get gel nails done every fortnight or so. For me, no matter how crappy I wake up feeling, perfect nails just make me feel 'polished'.

Run a straightener over your hair. It doesn't have to be perfectly styled but running these over your hair makes it look shiny and styled with minimal effort.

If you're not comfortable 'doing jewellery' then just pick out a nice pair of stud earrings or hoops that you like for everyday use, a suitable matching bracelet and then if you feel like getting dressed up, you can easily add more.

Go for a bra fitting. Sounds obvious but a well-fitted bra makes the world of difference to your overall look and comfort as well as the fit of your clothing.

Spend a day at the shops just trying on clothing from different stores. See what styles you like and which shops offer clothing that's cut to flatter your figure - then buy in future from these stores. It makes the world of difference and saves stress and money in the long run!

Good luck, OP - I had a similar experience after losing weight after DS2 and it is possible to start feeling well-presented again!

Get a haircut.

Start using Eucerin moisturiser with 5% urea. It is suitable for even sensitive skin and will start to give you more radiance with very little effort. In a few months when you are ready to polish off the next layer, we can revisit your skin regime.

Get some tinted brow gel and lipstick.

Get some simple basics - a couple pairs of well-cut jeans and t-shirts, plain jumpers.

What will make you look polished will be the "3rd piece." A well cut coat or blazer. Accessorise with a nice scarf, some good boots or simple ballet flats.

Be well groomed at all times. God is in the details. Keep your nails trimmed, no need to bother with varnish.

Download an app called Headspace

It has amazing guided meditations
Try the Take 10 programme, 10 minutes of guided mindfulness. Life changer :)

Don't buy jeggings & don't buy converse. Nothing says mum trying to be stylish more than that.

Buy some decent jeans - Asda have wonderfit for about £20. Decent footwear - not birkies either, suede trainers, something that makes you feel good.

Disagree with the wipes too - eco anyone? Flannel, asda hot cloth, toner & moisturiser. Mascara & a bit of colour on your cheeks.

Do your DC have a gro clock or similar? As soon as mine were old enough (approx 2.5/3) and I could reliably expect them to wait until 7am to come in, I started setting my alarm for 6.30.

The 30 minutes are BLISS to wake up at my pace and, either do some mindfulness, intention-setting, general thinking or to get ahead and jump in the shower etc.

It makes a huge difference to my day and overall composure which then feeds into everything else.

I'm very low-maintenance as a rule, but the two things I do keep in check are my eyebrows, which I have waxed and tinted every six weeks, and my fingernails (which aren't long or painted, but I do keep them neatly clipped and filed. I even buff them if I'm feeling fancy).

I don't wear make up or 'smart' clothes (I work in an industry where hoodies are the norm!), but just a wee token bit of grooming makes me feel better.

I keep my face wipes, toner, serum, night cream next to the bed so I can just use the flannel and water at the sink while brushing my teeth but the rest of my skin care in bed like a lazy slob!