To ask for your help to 'look polished'?

[pumpkinsandtreacle]

I know this might be a daft point to many, and apologies in advance if this isn't something that anyone here doesn't agree with or understand but it's something important to me at the moment.......

I have two DCs preschool age and a DH working abroad. Youngest DC is 3, and I've had a bit of a battle with PND and OCD since becoming a parent. At worst, it was, well, utterly horrendous and really terrifying but I feel like I'm coming out the other side now and have felt well, really well in fact, for a while (bar an unexpected relapse in May just so my brain could remind me it was still 'the boss').

One thing that has gone to pot throughout is any self of self-pride in my appearance and general 'wellbeing'. I'm clean, don't get me wrong - somewhere amidst the crazy and the chaos of having two preschoolers I promise I shower at least once a day :)

But, beyond that I'm a bit clueless as to how I look as 'polished' as so many of the lovely people I see in everyday life. I throw on whatever I find in the morning without a second thought (a lot of jogging bottoms and crocs - at the same time), hair (long and wild) is thrown into a Mum-bun and I slap on a bit of moisturiser if I'm lucky.

I'd love to just work out how to make being 'polished' a bit more of a routine? Does anyone have any good tips?? The one thing I thought I could do is actually lay out some clothes the night before, and just before I go to bed maybe just put everything on a hanger so it's ready to go? I know many people probably already do that, and I sound like a total buffoon, but that's where I am at the moment.

What do people do about make up? Hair? Nails? Jewellery? Or even if none of those things apply to you what do you do to feel 'finished' of a day? Nice shoes? A handbag (as opposed to the bag for life I seem to currently be carrying as it's got the kids' swimming things in along with my wallet)?? My skin's terribly dry but in the shower, do people really 'exfoliate'?? How do you genuinely have time to moisturise afterwards too?? How do so many parents have immaculate hair??? Is it really a daily wash and blow-dry kind of thing??

I don't want to look like a Kardashian. I just want to look like I've made a bit of an effort without needing to devote a length of time I don't have into doing so. I feel like if I plan for stuff I can just feel a bit better about myself, but I don't really know what to plan??

Also, I'd love to find a way to try some mindulness or yoga. I didn't cover mindfulness in therapy really, it was a lot of CBT and a few other treatments but I never got to practice mindfulness. Does anyone have any advice how I can make that kind of thing a simple addition to life? Is there such a thing as a ten-minute yoga routine I could try and do before the kids get up? Mindfulness etc - when do you fit it in??

Like I say, I know this kind of thing won't be of interest to many. And I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent and a silly thing to be trying to prioritise. But it's part of something bigger for me in terms of recovery and I'd really love any advice or tips or help anyone can give.

Thanks for reading, and for your time xx

I don't fuss, but I do a few things that make me feel more together.

1. Roughly 2 minutes on makeup in the morning. A BB cream, some mascara, a quick eyebrow brush (I like Glossier's boy brow, but you can just comb them), and some very simple lip stain or balm.

1. Fresh deodorant and a quick spray of a light perfume.

1. A simple style that works well for me. A pair of stretch crepe trousers (like Eileen Fisher) always looks put together and is easily as comfortable as tracksuit bottoms. That plus clean plain t-shirt plus scarf/cardigan/jacket is easy and super comfortable. Get two pairs of the pants in black, five different colors of shirts, and three of the toppers and you can mix everything up without thinking for a moment. You don't even need to pull clothes out the night before. If you don't want to do crepe trousers, a decent pair of stretch jeans or even jeggings will work as well.

1. Shoes. Invest in 2-3 pairs easy, comfy shoes. I am a fan of Rothys, which may not have hit the UK yet. They are washable, comfortable, elegant ballet slipper-style shoes. As easy to put on as Crocs and require no clean socks, but they look intentional and I get a ton of compliments on them. If they're not in the UK, find something similar--or just go with a pair of simple Converse low tops.

1. Claire's earrings. Pair of fake pearls and pair of fake diamonds. (You can go funky and interesting if you want, but if you're feeling overwhelmed, simple studs.) If you lose them, it's not a big deal, and they go with everything.

1. At night, I use face wipes to take off makeup and do a quick moisturizer. Mostly it makes me smell good before I climb into bed.

1. Clean bottom sheets as often as I can. I change them much more often than my duvet cover. Quicker to dry, way quicker to put on the bed, and the clean-sheet feeling, which always makes me ready to face the day.

You don't need to spend a lot of money buying new clothes/bags/shoes. Just make sure your clothes are clean, fit well and match. Maybe just buy one new decent quality 'staple piece' every few months to add to your wardrobe. Great idea to lay them out the night before if you're in a hurry most mornings.

Use a tinted moisturiser instead or normal. Keep a tinted lip balm/gloss in your bag. Make sure you're drinking a lot of water everyday - it plumps your skin and makes you appear youthful/healthy and refreshed.

Swap out the 'mum bun' for a neater bun.

Stand tall and be confident.

Try to stick to a limited number of colours so everything goes together. When the children were younger I'd sometimes take a spare tshirt out in the change bag for me.

I have a huge tote bag (vegan leather) here that sounds like it may be what you need

I have two fleece blazers that I wear when it gets cold - warm enough and makes me look smarter than a coat

Agree - simple jewellery- a necklace and stud earrings that you wear all the time.

I recommend proper mAke up removal at night and m&s night moisturiser that makes you look like you've had 8 hours sleep, I use a compact foundation, mascara & that's it.

Thanks everyone - these are great :)

I got a bit over excited last night and painted my toenails after the children had (eventually) fallen asleep - base coat and everything..... not a great job and a bit smudged, but feel like a supermodel today! :)

That’s great, Pumpkin! I think a lot of looking polished also comes down to how you feel about yourself. Once you get used to feeling fab and holding your (freshly moisturised!) head high, people will view you differently and see you as someone who has it altogether - even if you don’t feel that way

I swear by the bare minerals complexion rescue (tinted moisturiser) and a quick slick of brown mascara (less obvious than black) also for those inevitable mum bun days get a hair donut, I feel like it makes it look like i've made a conscious effort to put my hair up not just that it desperately needs washing!

Going against the grain here regarding the trackies. I think it you are thin or at least toned trackies can lo ok fine. A few school mum's wear them in the morning and they really look dare I say it polished (I OTOH would look like a beached whale) I think it is important to wear clothes that suit your shape and I for one do not publicly wear leggings or skinny jeans as they make my legs look massive, so straight trousers are the way forward.
I hate hate hate gel/acrylic nails so just keep mine neat and tidy. I find using a facecloth in the morning gives my face a healthy glow.

For the converse wearers, are they good for walking in?

Haven’t RTFT, but once I’ve posted I will!

I’ve recently had a bit of an overhaul myself, mostly MH which has made me unkept recently.

I’m making a conscious effort to shower, wash my hair and give it a decent blow dry every other day, if I can’t blow dry it I’m using one of those shiny big clips to put it up instead of scraping it up.

Also wearing a pair of stud earrings each day, a bit of B.B. cream and a bit of mascara.

Also thrown out the uggs and jogging bottoms.

I feel a million dollars at the moment.

Oh and buying myself a few sale bits every so often is making a difference.

A pair of stretch crepe trousers (like Eileen Fisher) always looks put together

YABVVU, Nancy, to have introduced me to Eileen Fisher! The trousers look fabulous, but at £180+ a pair they need to. And the tops... the tops - I want almost all of them, one in every colour. I didn't dare even look at the shoes.

It's Toast and Poetry all over again, fabulous simple clothes that I love at prices I'd really struggle to justify even if I could afford them.

Having champagne taste on a beer income is so hard to bear.

Ok my tips;

Eye brow threading is amazing, it changes your face and it's quick. Tesco is really cheap if you have one with a salon near you
Invest in good quality coats, jackets, boots and bags. Buy quality not quantity
Buy what suits your body shape/colouring not what is in fashion.
If you can't really be bothered to keep on top of your nail varnish then I think no polish, neat short nails is better than chipped polish.
Moisturizer with SPF every day

I’m not a fan of the ‘done up to the nines’ look but the key thing for me is eyebrows. Get those looking decent and you barely need anything else on your face. Benefit Browzings is an excellent kit to use (go to the Benefit counter in your local department store and they will give you a quick tutorial).

Also, face moisturiser morning and night - a bottle of £5 Olay will do the job and it has SPF in it.

Gel nail polish - what an invention and a half! But go somewhere reputable - look at reviews for your local nail bars and ask friends etc.

Above all else - be proud of yourself. You have been through a very difficult time and come out the other side

If you don’t which colours suit you and you have the money then a house of colour consultation can help you.

I don't find converse great for walking in (not enough cushioning/support) - but I am old!

Hello, far away unknown friend ... Maybe unreasonable to ask ME (I don't have kids therefore have more time/energy) how to look polished, and it also depends on what you consider "polished".

But let's pretend it's fucking obvious. So I'll say this: have fitted clothes of the right size in decent fabric (maybe avoid stretchy cottons as they sag at the arse and turn into tiny baubles at the front and everywhere), look after your shoes (i.e. take to cobblers for repairs, polish them), wash hair when needed so it always looks clean and fresh, trim the split ends (a husband/friend can do it if you don't want to pay the full haircut price for just that at the hairdresser), don't abuse it with straighteners.

Bags: I believe one or 2 expensive ones are the solution: they are for life, instead of 50 cheap crap ones. If you like the idea of perfume, get a small bottle of something a bit more expensive (avoid celebrity scents).

Skin: well, the usual crap - vegetables, water, moisturiser and, above all, SPF all fucking year round.

Hope it's helpful rather than annoying and unachievable.

F

Definitely check out the “expensive” threads - and good for you for putting yourself first for a bit!

Regular haircut

Capsule wardrobe (try project 333) - you won't have to think about what to wear that way

Ditch the comfy, slobby clothes (ie crocs) so you don't reach for them by default (you will, it's a comfort thing). If they're not there you'll be forced to wear something else

Do a bit of research into skin care and simple make up techniques - watch Lisa Eldridge videos on YouTube for some inspiration

Get some good quality, basic accessories - a new leather handbag, some simple stud earrings with a bit of design to them, a new watch, etc. Doesn't have to be expensive

Wash your hair night before rather than in morning,so when you wake up you have clean hair, bang straighteners through it and good to go in 5 mins, lot less time but look a lot neater... I recently realised this after washing hair every morning and racing to work with car heater blasting out with vents aimed at my hair and arriving at work looking like a horrible Histories stone age extra

I don’t think anyone has said this: iron your clothes. If it’s something that can crease at all, if it’s not ironed you will look scruffy.

Keep your shoes polished and re-heeled.

Replace lost buttons asap.

Nails always neat and filed even if not painted.

Buy a Babyliss Big Hair and you’ll always look like you’ve just been for a blow dry.

Get one of those bobble shaver gadgets. Bobbly jumpers always look awful but these little gadgets work brilliantly.

Definitely a leather tote.

Also this might just be me, but a trench coat goes with everything and makes you look put together. Zara do nice ones.

The Style & Beauty board is your friend!

JoyceDivision agree re washing hair the night before. I do that and either run the straighteners over it, or spray on some heat spray to dampen it very slightly and use the Babyliss Big Hair for a more “done” style. Takes about 10 minutes max.

As for the bra, I have no real chest to speak of (even after two kids I still can't fill a 34A) but will give that a go and see what they suggest

Ditto same here. I found marks and Spencer do some nice basic t shirt padded bras which help with a bit of shape under clothing. Also if you want to treat yourself to some nice underwear boux avenue have some lovely stuff.

Re smudged nails..the Sally Hansen quick dry stuff is a godsend! Its £8 a bottle ( Tesco does it), and it dries your nails in secs. Leave for 15/20 mins to stop smudging. Its a bright red bottle and you just paint it over your nails.

If I want to look smart in jeans, just buy a decent well cut jacket and a decent leather bag ( TK Maxx). A white cotton shirt or decent teeshirt and a necklace and you will look great.
And haircut

@LakieLady, never fear: eBay!

I get most of my EF stuff on eBay. I like to buy new, so it's often last season, but it's impossible to tell unless you are very over invested in Eileen Fisher runway minutia, and it's way less than half price. Snagged a brand new cardigan the other day for under $50. Plus it lasts forever--the last two pairs of trousers have been worn almost every work day for over two years. (This is what I repeat to myself when I allow myself a full-price purchase.) Pickings can be slim, but over time it builds up.

I like to think I have champagne tastes on a very, very good Belgian ale budget. It's maddening.

I pick out clothes and shoes the night before. It helps a lot.

Everyday at a minimum: moisturizer, undereye concealer (everyone should use this to brighten their eyes), Mascara and a tinted lip balm

I would also get your hair cut to a nice mid-length (basically as short as you can cut it while still being able to put it in a ponytail). Then, have your hairdresser show you how to properly blow dry your hair. You would be amazed how a proper quick blow dry and a little bit of product will make your hair look amazing.

Think about doing a capsule wardrobe whilst the kids are young: If you like a pair of jeans, buy 3. Buy multiples of classic nice tops and a pair of classic trainers that go with jeans (converse/ adidas stan smiths etc). Then when the weather gets cooler, you can throw a simple scarf over your outfit (even those simple cotton pashmina types in your favourite colour).

Finally the easiest and cheapest thing: POSTURE. Stand up straight, sit nicely in chairs, etc. A lot of the polished look is confidence and how you carry yourself.