In thinking friend could have announced pregnancy more kindly?

[MrsMeyersMum]

I know I'm actually being unreasonable a bit.

But fucking hell. My friend knows that my ds was a miracle. And that we've be desperately trying for five years since (and had 8 miscarriages.)

I'm now 41 and have recently been telling friends to stop asking about pregnancy etc as it's not likely we'll conceive or carry to term again.

Tonight at a picnic dinner my good friend does a big announcement in front of 10 of us of how she's pregnant with her third and knew that her one miscarriage was a temporary blip and how she's now a strong Mama who will carry to full term.

I am really pleased for her but would have appreciated a heads up. We sat alone chatting for over 30 minutes. She could have told me then. She absolutely knows the heartbreak and struggle we've been through with fertility treatments.

A few friends have since text saying how awful it was and how they were embarrassed, especially banging on about strong Mums being able to not miscarry. I said it was fine but I'm so hurt.

I’d have walked out, apologising to my other friends. I have every admiration for you sticking it out.

I’ve got one DC, had a second term MC and been struggling to conceive another, all be it not as long as you, but over a year since MC and more than 2 since actively trying.

I’d have been very hurt by that. I don’t even know the woman but spouting about strong mamas and ‘blips’ makes me want to vomit and shake her in equal measure.

She sounds absolutely horrible. What she did was more than insensitive. She sounds bloody cruel.
A real friend would never do this.

What an utter cow, bloody insensitive and quite cruel.

We’re just starting down the fertility treatment road after 18 months of trying for DC#2 with only a miscarriage to show for it. The way some friends have announced their pregnancy in this time has completely floored me.

for you OP. This kind of crass insensitivity defies belief.

Very insensitive. I had multiple miscarriages after having my son, and now am pregnant with miracle twins. I am lucky. I’m no stronger or better than any other woman and I feel incredibly fortunate to be in this situation.

OP I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and your friend saying that. She’s just excited and nervous about her own pregnancy and not thinking.

It takes an exceptionally “strong mama” to go through infertility and recurrent miscarriage, imo.

There's no excuse for this sort of insensitivity. Absolutely none! I'm apalled on your behalf. Utter bullshit and just a cringeworthy thing to say. YADNBU. I wouldn't even bother to say anything as she will play dumb and you will somehow end up apologising! Maybe she will grow up and realise she's been a dick and be worthy of your friendship in the future, but I'd give her a wide berth for now

I'd tell her what an insensitive twat she is, then I'd not have anything more to do with her. What she said about 'strong mama's is unforgivable. What an arsehole.

((Hug)) 🌷

YANBU it was a horrible thing to do. It’s beyond thoughtless or insensitive...I’m not sure if there’s a word for it, but it was massively unkind.

On top of that, she sounds like a complete twat anyway. Whether I’d had miscarriages or infertility problems or not, I just couldn’t be around someone spouting shit like that. ‘Strong mama’ ‘a blip’ I’d need to throw up or throw her in a lake.

Give the fuck muppet a wide berth and don’t pretend to your other friends it was fine, because it bloody well wasn’t 🌷

🤞that very soon you will get pregnant & have another DC, secondary infertility is very, very difficult.

What a crappy person she is! Would you consider telling her how you feel?

That's an awful and very unkind thing for her to have said that.
Having had 9 miscarriages myself that's very hurtful

She would be off my Christmas card list I can assure you and every other list. As the saying goes, "with friends like that, who needs enemies"??????

What a DICK!!!!!!!

So those of us who have suffered losses are weak?

Fuck me!

Where does she live? I have a strong compulsion to go and dig her in the face.

YANBU. Is she generally so tactless?

she's now a strong Mama

Cringey. Using the word ‘Mama’ seems to be the current fashion amongst certain types of people.

She cares not a jot about your feelings. It’s her third child. There really was no need for the big announcement.

What a dreadful way to announce her news, not sensitive or trying to spare your feelings. It was smug and verging on being spiteful imo, your other friends’ reactions suggests something similar.

I’d be wary of her after this and wouldn’t be friends.

She sounds awful - there doesn’t seem to be any excuse for the ‘announcement’. I do think however that there is something about the issue you are not supposed to raise that always make you say something totally inappropriate and often out of context. Or maybe it’s just my family - we could write a book of them 😣.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable however. I’d minimise contact if possible but wouldn’t hate her for it.

At first I thought you should be more sensitive to her clearly not after reading it all. How starnge she would go on about a blip and strong mama thats just terrible. I would be stepping back with this ‘friend’.

Feel sorry for her that she's projecting her insecurities for all to see.

And feel sorry for yourself that the friend you thought she is, isn't actually such a great friend.

When I opened the thread I thought you'd probably be being a bit over sensitive. But you aren't. She's a twat. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive her properly.

I’d be quietly backing away from that friendship.

It’s possible that your own judgement is off, understandably, due to your current circumstances. However the fact your friends also thought she was being unreasonable suggests you are not being overly sensitive.
Sorry for your loses OP, I’d distance myself from this ‘friend’ it will only get worse.

Wow how completely thoughtless of her. I really hope one of your other friends actually told her how insensitive she was (rather than just sympathise with you).

one miscarriage was a temporary blip and how she's now a strong Mama who will carry to full term.

I haven't even had a miscarriage and I would find that insensitive and offensive.

I'm so sorry for your losses

YADNBU! She sounds awful. Particularly as she knows your situation PLUS she's had a mc so knows how awful it can be. I've had some pretty thoughtless announcements and comments by people who know full well we've been ttc #2 for 2.5+ years and now doing ivf. Its so shit. I'd go low contact and focus on taking care of yourself.

@mynameisjune 💐💐

How does the "super fertile" thing mean she is able to choose the sex of the baby? Surely you can't actually "choose" the sex unless you have had preimplantation testing which would only be possible with fertility treatment.

Anyway OP, YANBU and she sounds like a prize cow.

”a strong Mama who will carry to full term”

Avoid her for that alone! Toe curling.....

You don't sound like you like her very much anyway (and who can blame you!), so just cut her and avoid her as much as possible.