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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

403 replies

lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 20:36

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

OP posts:
WickedGoodDoge · 21/08/2018 21:42

They will be fine. Are you worried about them being separated on the tube? If so, make sure the 12 year old knows what to do- e.g. if the 18 year old gets off at the right stop but the 12 year old doesn’t, tell the 12 year old to get off at the next stop and wait for the 18 year old to get the next train and find them...and so on.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 21:42

I'm going to be worried sick. The.back story is I hate my MIL.with a.passion because she makes no effort to make their journey any easier.

OP posts:
PickleNeedsAFriendInReading · 21/08/2018 21:43

What are you actually scared of regarding the trains and tube? If you can spell it out, then people can reassure you.

The 12-year old will be able to cope fine, and won't be a big responsibility as she's old enough to entertain herself, to look after bags while the other one gets a drink or whatever. Does she have a phone? Does she know sensible things to do if they get separated briefly? Do you find her a big responsibility on your own? Is she badly behaved or with some other difficulties that might make her less likely to stay with the adult?

Just make sure she has things to do so that she isn't bored on the journey. But it sounds like a totally normal journey for teenagers to do.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 21:43

And she hasn't even offered to pay for.the tickets.

OP posts:
Stillnotready · 21/08/2018 21:43

Are you worried about a terror attack? I get that, but much more likely to be struck by lightening walking the dog at home or waiting for the school bus

wentmadinthecountry · 21/08/2018 21:43

Fuckpants Grin Love the name!

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2018 21:43

Ultimately your children have to learn to do this stuff. Your 18 year old could decide to get the train to Glasgow next month or travel by train in Europe.

EmmaC78 · 21/08/2018 21:44

You are making a big deal about this. Most 18 year olds cope with a lot more responsibility than keeping an eye on a 12 year old. If the 12 year old and the 18 year old get on well and are both sensible then there is no issue here at all.

titchy · 21/08/2018 21:45

Ffs OP what exactly are you worried about? You keep saying 'oh I'll be so nervous' etc, but about what? Are you expecting one of them to spontaneously combust if they set foot on a train or something?

You do know that grandma picking them up by car a station earlier is a far bigger risk accident-wise than the train is.

SinglePringle · 21/08/2018 21:45

If they know the tube, then you’ve nothing to worry about.

OP, I’ve been using the tube for nearly 40 years on my own and with friends and I’ve never got separated from a single one of them. Drunk or sober!

They’ll be fine. Basic instruction is (drummed into me since I was a kid), if you get separated, don’t move! Stay where you are and if your mates / mum / 18yr old sister are on the tube and you’re left on the platform, then they will go one stop, cross the platform and come back for you. That was my childhood tube rule.

PickleNeedsAFriendInReading · 21/08/2018 21:45

But what should MIL have done to make it any easier? This seems a perfectly ordinary journey! Why would you hate her for that?

Do the girls like her and want to stay with her?

Lots of people quite like travelling. It can be a bit of an adventure, you can buy yourself drinks and snacks that you don't normally get, you can have time to read your book or play your game or people watch, nothing really expected of you.

Travelling through London can be exciting, lots of different shops in the stations, the big stations like Kings Cross always feel a bit grand and special I think!, etc. - they might really enjoy the independence and excitement of it, rather than being picked up in a car. Long car journeys aren't much fun, often can't read, can't move around, can't eat and drink what you like, etc.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 21:45

The tube stations.are.full of nutters and I was on a tube train on the day of.then 7/7 bombings. This is.not a.walk in the park journey.

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 21/08/2018 21:46

I have to be honest and say I wouldn't like this either. 4 trains, London....nope!

SoyDora · 21/08/2018 21:46

Hating her with a passion for that seems like a very extreme over reaction to me... has she done anything else wrong?

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2018 21:46

They're going to visit the MIL, why would she pay? If I go on the train to a friend's house or my uncle's house I wouldn't expect them to pay. I also wouldn't expect them to pick me up from further away if there was a station close to my house. Doncaster to cleethorpes isn't exactly difficult to manoeuvre.

Alwayscommuting · 21/08/2018 21:46

My mum is scared of underground trains and there is a 6 year age gap between me and DSis. We would have been able to/allowed to do this journey at that age. No problem. Ask them to text you along the way to let you know they're ok.

titchy · 21/08/2018 21:47

It is a walk in the bloody park ffs. Tube stations are full of commuters not nutters.

Blarblarblar · 21/08/2018 21:47

Completely fine you say they are a sensible 18 yr so honestly ok and they are used to tubes. I was responsible for my siblings from when I was 14 to travel from various countries with numerous stops we coped and I was VERY not sensible.

Stillnotready · 21/08/2018 21:47

So it’s not the journey is it, it’s your loss of control to their grandmother , who probably loves them with a passion. Or just wants to piss you off

ParkheadParadise · 21/08/2018 21:47

When I was 17 I took dd who was 2. All the way to London on train by myself. My parents happily waved us off from Glasgow central. Didn't have a mobile phone in those day's.
I can remember my mum telling me if your brother's not at the other end just wait on him coming 😂

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 21/08/2018 21:48

Look. You have an irrational and out of control anxiety about this. Feel free to seek help to manage it, but DO NOT interfere with these arrangements. They will be fine. This is a normal thing to do. YABU.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/08/2018 21:48

You need to get a grip OP. You are sounding increasingly irrational. Really, no wonder they all did it behind your back, sadly.

INeedNewShoes · 21/08/2018 21:48

I think you need help regarding your issues with the tube.

I think the best course of action for this journey is to let them get on with it but if it's going to cause you such terrible worry could you escort them as far as KingsX by train or drive them there? Then all they'd need to do is get to Doncaster and change trains.

SpiritedLondon · 21/08/2018 21:48

What is it about the tube that you find so scary? I've been on a couple of foreign underground systems where I've found it a bit confusing with express trains and stopping trains but the London Underground is a bit more straightforward ( although I sometimes have to think about the circle line) and they won't be making lots of changes. Have they bought tube tickets with their overground tickets? If not a couple of Oyster cards might make life a little bit easier and they won't need to queue at the machines. Otherwise they get to hang out at Kings Cross which is nice following the re-fit. They'll also be travelling with tons of northerners who will 1) be up for a chat 2) willingly help if they get stuck at any point on the way to Doncaster. I would relax OP - 18 year olds flew bombers in the war! It will be fine.

MissLingoss · 21/08/2018 21:49

What if they get separated?

Give 12 yo her own tickets and she can make her own way to KX if she loses her sister. She presumably has a tongue in her head and is capable of approaching a uniformed member of tube or rail staff and asking for help if she needs it. Someone will then see her onto the correct train.

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