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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

403 replies

lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 20:36

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/08/2018 15:30

Bloody hell OP you're not helping yourself here.

NerrSnerr · 22/08/2018 15:33

I'm waiting for the next MIL drip feed. She's a convicted murderer? She had sex with your brother?

MrsChollySawcutt · 22/08/2018 15:33

OP are you Hyancinth Bucket??

A handwritten note? In 2018, you really truly expect this would happen?

Yeah right. Hmm

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 15:35

I'm clearly conversing with savages. Turning notifications off now.

OP posts:
HopefullyAnonymous · 22/08/2018 15:36

I think OP is having a good laugh at our expense. A handwritten note Grin

SoyDora · 22/08/2018 15:36

We’re clearly conversing with a bridge dweller Grin.
I hope your daughters have a lovely time at their MIL’s.

impostersyndrome · 22/08/2018 15:39

I get your concerns are real in your mind, so it’s a question of of working out how to deal with them. If it’d help asking your daughters to text you after they’ve reached the London terminal, that doesn’t seem unreasonable.

Just one thing, someone advised you to get them to avoid the tube by getting the train from Three Bridges. This isn’t really not recommended. That line has been in the news for its unreliability. Stick with the nice straightforward tube route and make sure your 12 year old knows what to do if they inexplicably get separated.

Everyoneiswingingit · 22/08/2018 15:49

I think OP that the travel will be the least of your worries, staying with your MIL should be of concern. She doesn't sound like a nice person.

Queenofthestress · 22/08/2018 15:55

You're conversing with people that have damn common sense. At 18 I had a kid. Was living on my own. If your adult child couldn't take care of the completely self sufficient teenager I'd be damn worried.
Yes they shouldn't have gone behind your back, but I can see why they did!

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 15:57

“I'm clearly conversing with savages. Turning notifications off now.”

Oh, ffs. Why do people ^do this”?

MissLingoss · 22/08/2018 15:59

It's not so much the op who worries me, as the number of posters on the thread looking for ways to micro-manage and infantilise an eighteen year old. Normally on MN if you refer to an eighteen year old as a girl, you're told she's an adult woman. But so many people here are responding as if the adult woman is no more capable and competent than her 12 yo sister.

myrtleWilson · 22/08/2018 16:06

Is the note situation binary? So a handwritten note (which could be 'Dearest lily, I think you're evil personified, love MIL) or a reassuring note (email from MIL, don't worry lily I'll pick up the girls in Cleethorpes)

JassyRadlett · 22/08/2018 16:14

People's risk assessment is shocking. My sil would not let her 11 and 12 year olds go to the loo at a family campsite because it was too dangerous, but cheerfully let them go, as non swimmers, more than waist deep off an unknown beach in choppy water with no other swimmers and no lifeguard.

ShockShock

I am often taken aback by how blasé people in Britain (making wild assumptions!) are about water safety but that’s quite something.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/08/2018 16:18

You’re terrified of the tube? Really? Why?

I’m assuming your DDs aren’t, thankfully.

Look I’m normally super cautious about stuff like this but when I’m thinking you’re being utterly ridiculous here.

titchy · 22/08/2018 16:20

Hmmmm - op was happy for the 18 year old to travel by herself a couple of years ago....
I am pleased to say she is making a trip to Yorkshire on her own to go to the GCSE Presentation Evening to pick up her GCSE certificates as she was given a couple of awards for all her hard work.

Willow2017 · 22/08/2018 16:37

A handwritten note?
Seriously?
Not a phone call or txt to say she will pick up at station as planned already by your dh and dd? They atent going to mars just a couple of hours on trains!

Ffs what nonsense.i wonder why they arranged it all first then told you 🤔

Mercurial123 · 22/08/2018 16:42

At 18 I travelled through the Middle East, worked on a kibbutz and spent two weeks in Jerusalem..... You are being pathetic.

corythatwas · 22/08/2018 17:47

Hmmmm - op was happy for the 18 year old to travel by herself a couple of years ago....

I'm not sure she was. The way I read it she was taken to Greece by a friend's parents and the willingness to give independence was the OPs preparedness to let her out of her sight in the charge of other responsible adults. Could be wrong of course.

Ds was taken across country by dh when he was 2 weeks old (emergency situation involving possibly dying grandparent). I wouldn't say that means he'd have been much good at arranging his own itinerary.

titchy · 22/08/2018 17:50

I'm not sure she was. The way I read it she was taken to Greece by a friend's parents

No. I advanced searched (yes I know but OP looked rather bridge-like) and the now 18 year old travelled back to Yorkshire herself to see her (trans apparently) boyfriend two years ago.... So not sure I really believe their credibility tbh.

corythatwas · 22/08/2018 18:01

ok, titchy, missed that

zeeboo · 22/08/2018 18:06

Do? Nothing! I'd happily let my 19 yr old do that with my 8 year old and would have let her do it at 18 as well.
As previous posters have said, many 12 year olds make long and even multiple train journeys to school, to music lessons, to visit non resident parents etc.

Hertha · 22/08/2018 19:19

Haven’t RTFT but if you’re worried about them getting separated, you could always ask them to get one of those apps people use to keep track of family members locations. Might put your mind at rest.

SilverySurfer · 22/08/2018 19:37

And there we have the flounce - conversing with savages? We may be savage but we're not bonkers. Grin

CherryPavlova · 22/08/2018 20:03

I now think this isn’t true at all. I think it’s someone taking the rise!

ScottyTotty2 · 22/08/2018 20:19

When I was 18 I took my 12 yr old sister to Paris for a week....don't worry they will be fine