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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

403 replies

lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 20:36

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 21/08/2018 21:03

You can’t do anything. The 18 year old is an adult.

There isn’t an issue here, don’t create one!

SoftSheen · 21/08/2018 21:03

That sounds absolutely fine to me. Presuming that the 18 year old is averagely sensible, and that they have a mobile phone, I really cannot see any problem with this.

What can I do? Make sure the 12 year old has a (charged) mobile and some cash for drinks and snacks, and a magazine if you're feeling generous.

happinessiseggshaped · 21/08/2018 21:03

Has the 18 year old never been on a train before or something? or do the 12 year old and 18 year old not get on?

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 21/08/2018 21:04

Can’t see the issue.

Missingstreetlife · 21/08/2018 21:05

I do think 12 a bit young alone, but with 18 year old adult should be fine unless v irresponsible. You have pr but why didn't they tell you

MrMeSeeks · 21/08/2018 21:08

What can i do?
Nothing? The child is with an adult, perfectly fine.
It’s not like the ‘child is even young, they’re 12!
Tell them to have a great time!

Dollius01 · 21/08/2018 21:09

My 13 year old has flown home from Spain on his own. And his 12-year-old Spanish friend has been flying to and from the UK alone since the age of 11.

A few trains??

Abra1de · 21/08/2018 21:10

Can’t see a problem with this. My children made long train journeys alone from about 13.

wentmadinthecountry · 21/08/2018 21:10

Go with them because an 18 yo really shouldn't be left in charge of a 12 yo in this country!

Racecardriver · 21/08/2018 21:11

Go have a stiff drink. You are worrying over nothing.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 21:12

Thanks, you are putting my mind at rest. The journey is an hour and a half to London, a tube to Kings Cross, change at Doncaster then on to Cleethorpes where I am hoping they will be picked up
After a few days they do the journey again back to Chichester
I was hoping to do the London but with them but they've arranged it when I am at work.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 21/08/2018 21:13

What can I do? maybe you can ask yourself why they haven’t discussed it with you? Are you a teensy bit of a control freak? Might you have tried to stop them? Saying that they have done this without asking you is a bit of a giveaway. Do you think they need to ask you before they can do anything?

SoyDora · 21/08/2018 21:13

Go with them because an 18 yo really shouldn't be left in charge of a 12 yo in this country!

What? Why?

NewHampshire · 21/08/2018 21:13

Why on earth would you need to do the London bit with them?

The tube is so simple. I'd be very worried about any 18 year old who couldn't figure out how to use it.

Just plan the journey with them first and make sure they know which line they're going on.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 21/08/2018 21:13

Was going to say! At 18 I had my first car and was living by myself going to university (and driving the 250kms or so back home every other weekend).

ThistleAmore · 21/08/2018 21:14

By the time I was 18, I had been living away from home for 18 months (including six of those in Paris), and then went to university 400 miles away from my home town. I was no stranger to buses and trains, which I think my mother preferred to me doing the motorway journey in my decrepit Hyundai.

My parents (for reasons best known to them) also saw fit to wave me off, at the age of eight, to spend the odd weekend with my 20-year-old student sister in her uni digs (although granted we did travel together, I don't think even my parents, with their fairly laissez-faire approach to parenting, would have thought sending an eight-year-old off on a 50-mile train journey by themselves was appropriate. Although I did once fly to Singapore as an 'unaccompanied minor' when I was ten, so I dunno).

SPOILER ALERT: I'm not dead.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 21/08/2018 21:14

Some of you are actually asking why she wasn’t consulted? Seriously? It’s perfectly bloody obvious why.

OP it’s 4 trains to Grandma’s, not an overland through Africa. They’re not even staying somewhere by themselves. I’d be mortified if I thought my 12yo couldn’t cope doing this alone.

You need to speak to a professional about your anxiety 🌷

MyBrexitUnicornDied · 21/08/2018 21:14

Is the 18 year old legendarily irresponsible?

They will be fine. Not sure why you are worried.

Willow2017 · 21/08/2018 21:15

Go with them because an 18 yo really shouldn't be left in charge of a 12 yo in this country!

Wtaf?

Llanali · 21/08/2018 21:16

I’d be mortified if at 18 my mother intended to accompany me and my 12 year old sister on a train journey.

What’s worrying you?

Bezm · 21/08/2018 21:16

I took my 17 yr old daughter to Berlin. She sorted out all the trains, outings, food in restaurants etc!

Reastie · 21/08/2018 21:16

Has the 18 yo been on tube before and know how they work? (As in the lines and northbound etc). Assuming she/he has or knows what they’re doing I’m Sure it’ll be fine and will be a good experience for them. I hope they have a good time up north!

GreenandBlueButterfly · 21/08/2018 21:16

My 14 year old has been regularly making a 2 hour journey on his own into London (train+ tube + walk) for quite a while now to see family. It's absolutely fine.

You have an adult and a 12yo traveling together. There's absolutely nothing you need to do.

Reastie · 21/08/2018 21:17

PS I too would feel peeved it was all booked without me, but I’m a control freak so I don’t know if ibu about that.

Creatureofthenight · 21/08/2018 21:21

OP they will be absolutely fine on the train, they’ll have a great time.
Either there’s a communication breakdown or your DH has pre-empted your overreaction. It’s not clear which is the case.