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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old taking 12 year old on 4 trains aibu?

403 replies

lilypoppet · 21/08/2018 20:36

Without asking me,.my DH, Mil and 18 year old daughter have organised for the 18 year old to take my 12 year old daughter to Lincolnshire on their own. We live on West Sussex. This involves a long journey of 4 trains, including underground across London. I must stress DH isn't.going with them and I have not.been asked. I don't even know which station they'll.be picked up from. I have been given no information. They have already bought the tickets. What can I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:06

Someone has obviously seen a previous boost when I was worried about a dog MIL had that bit my daughter. I wanted the dog to be away when she next visited, DH refused to confront it. Eventually, sadly, the dog bit MIL so badly she had to go to hospital and the dog had to be put down. both DH and MIL knew how dangerous this dog was but continued to let my DD go to the house right from when she was a baby. That's the level of irresponsibility I am dealing with.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:07

*post

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:11

Regarding the trip to Greece, this was arranged by school friends and the parents kindly invited me to a meeting they had where they discussed arrangements. A lot of the parents were a lot more worried than I was. I hadn't really bothered about it.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/08/2018 14:12

That's pretty shocking OP. What breed of dogs does MIL have now? What's their behaviour like?

BringBackSummerQuick · 22/08/2018 14:13

I took my 10 and 8 year old cousins on days out when I was 18. We went on trains to get there. It was fine. I looked after cousins all the time and they we’re better behaved for me than their own parents as they knew I didn’t have to take them again if they were really hard work IYSWIM. I did have to stop them bickering etc a few times but we had a lovely time. Is there any particular reason you don’t trust your 18 year old?

Hopoindown31 · 22/08/2018 14:16

Is this about your now adult daughter or your MIL?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:16

I do trust my 18 year old. Dogs are corgis, this one dog had some sort of issue. Never got to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
Poloshot · 22/08/2018 14:41

Don't see the issue at all

Backdrop · 22/08/2018 14:43

Corgis. Well known for their vicious personalities, aren't they...

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:44

Backdrop most corgis are fine but as I explained this one had some problems although noone discovered why.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 14:45

"Which goes to show how off people’s perception of risk is - going for a wander in the Lakes would carry more risks than going five stops on the Victoria line during the day"
People's risk assessment is shocking. My sil would not let her 11 and 12 year olds go to the loo at a family campsite because it was too dangerous, but cheerfully let them go, as non swimmers, more than waist deep off an unknown beach in choppy water with no other swimmers and no lifeguard.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 14:46

It was not a suitable dog to be in a house with small children, but MIL disregarded this as she believes children should go along with the house and not have special arrangements made for them

OP posts:
Backdrop · 22/08/2018 14:46

Well they're not small children any more. They'll be absolutely fine.

MissLingoss · 22/08/2018 14:51

This is a good life experience for them, it'll help them learn to be self reliant and independent.

One of them is eighteen! She should be at least a couple of years past the stage of needing to learn this level of self reliance and independence!

It will however be a nice adventure for the 12 yo, a first step on the way to doing a journey of this type on her own, when she's 14/15.

MrsChollySawcutt · 22/08/2018 14:52

But your OP is nothing to do with a potentially dangerous corgi, which you have said is now dead anyway.

Or are you worried they will encounter dangerous dogs on the trains and the tube?

Seriously, OP if your NT 18 and 12 year olds can't judge situations and work out what's dangerous for themselves you need to have think about why that might be.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 22/08/2018 15:03

So now this is about a dangerous dog that's been dead for many years? What the actual fuck?

choli · 22/08/2018 15:03

A more accurate first post would have said "AIBU to not want my kids to visit their grandmother because I dislike her? I need to find an excuse to cancel the visit."

ivykaty44 · 22/08/2018 15:07

At 18 you can

Drive a car
Get married
Vote
Have been able to have sex for 2 years legally
Give birth legally
Helping a 12 year old catch 4 trains seems fairly straight forward

BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 15:07

“So now this is about a dangerous dog that's been dead for many years? What the actual fuck?”

Well, earlier on it was about the crap choices made by an 18 year old single mother 55 years ago..........

Queenofthestress · 22/08/2018 15:08

Oh get a grip! The trains into Lincolnshire are perfectly safe, the most we get are a few drunkies coming home from a night out. If your teens can't tell if a situation is safe or unsafe then you've got a lot more to be worrying about than if the journey is safe.

expatinspain · 22/08/2018 15:14

I used to fly to another country at 13 and get a connecting flight. One time my parents were held up to meet me at the airport and I had to negotiate the connecting flight alone, in a pretty scary country. Your 12 year old will be fine!

hannnnnnnxo · 22/08/2018 15:18

OP, you’re an absolute freak. They’ll be fine. The bloody tube hardly counts as a train!

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/08/2018 15:27

A handwritten note or reassuring note from MIL would have been nice, or a some kind of acknowledgement from DH that it was rude to organise this without so much as a conversation, is what I would have liked. also details of where they will be picked up from.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/08/2018 15:29

I genuinely give up. A handwritten note??.??

SoyDora · 22/08/2018 15:29

A handwritten note?! What, sent through the post?? She discussed it with your DH. My MIL has never hand written me a reassuring note!
Have you asked DH where they’re being picked up from?

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