Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with my MOH?

208 replies

FireHazrd · 21/08/2018 16:45

I'm getting married in a few months. My MOH is my best friend, and she just got engaged too - he didn't propose, they just sort of mutually agreed on it.

Obviously I'm delighted that my best mate has found the One, but I'm a bit pissed off that they had to do this now. We're in the middle of all my planning, with only a few months left to go (November 11th) tensions are high and plans are messing up. I need her help with all this, and I'm afraid that suddenly it's all going to turn into talk about HER wedding (which she's done before, at a wedding fair with me, while not even dating her fiance - instead of helping me, she wouldn't stop talking about her hypothetical wedding). I feel like I can't even run the seating chart past her ATM because I'll be taking away the spotlight from her recent engagement!!

It just feels like I'm not allowed do anything without her swooping in sometimes. She's forever doing stuff the minute I decide to and randomly tagging on to my interests and stuff. I've waited nearly TEN years to have this wedding, I had to finish college, get well after being very sick, survive my parents both passing, save thousands to afford the bloody thing, and a whole heap of other things. I need this. I need the fuss. I deserve my day, right? I've waited so damn long for this.

On the flipside, they're together maybe a year, and don't live together. As I said, there was no proposal so I imagine she probably instigated the whole thing. I do believe they love each other and I genuinely am happy, I just wish they'd waited a few months more. I'm happy to still have her in my bridal party, she is my best mate, I'm just a bit peed off about it all. Am I being a horrible bridezilla type?

OP posts:
Stimmyplip · 21/08/2018 18:36

Someone reading this thread may say British people seem self satisfied, smug and superior but then hey, it's terrible to generalise huh? Hmm

Stimmyplip · 21/08/2018 18:37

Oooops!!! GrinGrinGrin

SirGawain · 21/08/2018 18:38

Am I being a horrible bridezilla type?
Yes! So no one can make any decision which is their privilege because you are planning your own wedding? Yes that is bridezilla!

BlancheM · 21/08/2018 18:40

You're in your wedding bubble but to other people, well, life doesn't revolve around you.
I'd have thought it would be wonderful to be able to share this time together with your best mate and be fully immersed in all things wedding.
Why are you finding things so stressful? What do you need her help for?

NeverendingSunday · 21/08/2018 18:40

You're getting married on Remembrance Sunday?

Misses point of thread.

SirGawain · 21/08/2018 18:42

Actually if she has form for copying you I don't think you are necessarily BU.
I want to complain. Loads of people copied Lady Gawain and me by getting married. Some even in the same year, some in the same church and even the ultimate insult on the same day!!!

Nunya · 21/08/2018 18:49

Yes, OP, YABU! I agree with you that as a bride, you deserve your day, but that's just it, it's a day. All the days in the months leading up to your wedding aren't yours so what do you mean that you're a bit pissed off that they had to do this now? Why should their lives be on hold until you get married? You don't sound like a great friend to me because you are not genuinely happy for her. I don't see how running a seating chart by her at this time would take away from her engagement news anyway? I don't see why your opinion that she must've been instigating the engagement or him not proposing is relevant to anything.

InfiniteVariety · 21/08/2018 18:54

I need this. I need the fuss. I deserve my day, right?

This sums up everything I hate about weddings & the self-absorption they create in people

TheEmmaDilemma · 21/08/2018 18:57

MN:

AIBU Bridezilla.

Yes. :slapdown:

Dishwashersaurous · 21/08/2018 18:57

Never ending. Gosh only just noticed that and with spouse in the forces. Sadly must be a wind up

reallyhopethisworksNC · 21/08/2018 18:58

she wouldn't stop talking about her hypothetical wedding

This is very annoying - I had a friend who I would send photos of me in a wedding dress and who would reply “when I get married I won’t wear something like that I will wear....” and couldn’t just say “you look nice” when she wasn’t engaged either. Like I did think “we will do you when it’s your time!” Type thing BUT now your friend is engaged and it’s also her time and relevant for her and probably your and my friend were just a bit jealous or left out and wanted to join in. Just because she’s your MOH doesn’t mean she can’t be excited about her own wedding.

SalemBlackCat · 21/08/2018 19:10

I'm in two minds here, but and I know I'd be in the minority her, OP, but I do not think you are being unreasonable. I don't understand why you are dragging her to all these planning events, as a MOH does not help plan weddings. You seem to have misunderstood what a MOH is and what the duties are. Perhaps it grates on her that you are dragging her there, but she doesn't have the guts to tell you, so is being very attention-seeking/passive-aggressive instead. Maybe she resents you too, and doesn't know how to tell you?

However it is still wrong of her to make everything about her. And if she is not getting married for another 2 or 3 years, why did she really need to bother to tell you she is engaged? I too would wish she had have kept that to herself until after the wedding, you know, not 'steal your thunder' and all that. What I don't understand though, is why on earth you even asked her to be MOH if she has form for behaving like this? I really do not get that. I don't get that at all. Don't you have another sane friend or relative that you could have asked?

LyndorCake · 21/08/2018 19:25

So am I right in saying that she hasn't actually made any of this all about her yet? You're just afraid she will? So you're condemning her before she's commited the crime?

In my very close group of friends, three got engaged last year, all three weddings are this year. Two other got pregnant and had babies within months of each other. Funnily enough, no one was copying anyone else, that's just how our lives progressed.

Also, how long have you been planning your wedding for?? If it was years ago that this wedding fair fiasco happened, have you been bleeting on about your wedding for years? Did you expect her life to freeze while you planned your wedding?

batshitbetty · 21/08/2018 19:27

Yes you are being very unreasonable, you do get to enjoy your day but expecting everyone else to put their life on hold for the entire planning period is completely ridiculous. Sorry to break it to you but your wedding is of zero interest to anyone but you and your fiancé (despite what brides seem to think)

bloopitybloop · 21/08/2018 19:32

Am sorry OP - YABU - it’s very easy to get caught up in the wedding stuff but you need to get a grip.

I don’t really see how lack of proposal is relevant. DH never actually proposed to me coz we both just knew after a few months together and we have been together for 18 years now.

Yes your wedding is important to you - good friend can be excited about her wedding and happy for her friend!

organised5 · 21/08/2018 19:38

I couldn't even read this whole thread. Yes YABU. You should be ecstatic for her!

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 21/08/2018 19:44

Honestly i do come across a lot of people who have said how disinterested they found thei bridesmaid/MOH by their wedding day. You need to choose the person for the role really carefully.

That said, OP, you may be taking your wedding a little too seriously, just plan to enjoy the day as much as possible.

SilverySurfer · 21/08/2018 19:46

SirGawain
I want to complain. Loads of people copied Lady Gawain and me by getting married. Some even in the same year, some in the same church and even the ultimate insult on the same day!!!

How very shocking, I hope you reported them all to the appropriate authorities?

Gretagumbo · 21/08/2018 20:15

The whole world doesn’t stop for your party.

I fucking hate weddings and all this self centred shite.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/08/2018 21:13

@SirGawain. Silly, that’s not what I meant!

The OP was saying her MOH had a habit of copying her on other things, so this seemed like part of a pattern of behaviour, that’s all.

Since2016 · 21/08/2018 21:17

Yabu - completely.

Why is she your MOH? You don’t sound like you like her much...

I’m glad I’m not your friend tbh.

SimonBridges · 21/08/2018 21:29

I feel there is more to your relationship.
In normal circumstances I’d think you were being unreasonable but I wonder if there is more.

Cawfee · 22/08/2018 04:18

You are moaning about her taking over your spotlight with her engagement but you are getting married on Remembrance Sunday, which is a special day for the whole country and supposed to be a day for the people who died in the war. You’ve taken the spotlight off that and them. But it’s ok for you? Because it’s you eh? Or is it because your day is about you and you don’t really care that much about Remembrance Sunday? Maybe she feels the same way. Her engagement is about her and that’s ok. Everybody can have their own days and their own things. Your day is special to you but it’s not her whole life! Back off and try and be normal

KC225 · 22/08/2018 05:47

I think the poster above hit the nail on the head when she said nobody cares as much about your wedding than you do. Not just you, this applies to everyone. You expect your MOH to be excited eager to please, but your MOH sees it as a tester to nab some ideas and inspiration. Leave her as MOH but if you need help, rope in one of the sisters, DM or MIL. Your MOH won't even notice she's been sidelined because she is head in the clouds thinking about her wedding. Then you will stop feeling resentful towards her and relax enough to enoy the planning and the day.

Congratulations by the way.

pigeondujour · 22/08/2018 06:29

When you say you've waited ten years for this, do you mean you've been with your fella ten years, or you're ten years old? Either one of those makes your bridezilla antics ten times more embarrassing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread