AIBU with my MOH?

[FireHazrd]

I'm getting married in a few months. My MOH is my best friend, and she just got engaged too - he didn't propose, they just sort of mutually agreed on it.

Obviously I'm delighted that my best mate has found the One, but I'm a bit pissed off that they had to do this now. We're in the middle of all my planning, with only a few months left to go (November 11th) tensions are high and plans are messing up. I need her help with all this, and I'm afraid that suddenly it's all going to turn into talk about HER wedding (which she's done before, at a wedding fair with me, while not even dating her fiance - instead of helping me, she wouldn't stop talking about her hypothetical wedding). I feel like I can't even run the seating chart past her ATM because I'll be taking away the spotlight from her recent engagement!!

It just feels like I'm not allowed do anything without her swooping in sometimes. She's forever doing stuff the minute I decide to and randomly tagging on to my interests and stuff. I've waited nearly TEN years to have this wedding, I had to finish college, get well after being very sick, survive my parents both passing, save thousands to afford the bloody thing, and a whole heap of other things. I need this. I need the fuss. I deserve my day, right? I've waited so damn long for this.

On the flipside, they're together maybe a year, and don't live together. As I said, there was no proposal so I imagine she probably instigated the whole thing. I do believe they love each other and I genuinely am happy, I just wish they'd waited a few months more. I'm happy to still have her in my bridal party, she is my best mate, I'm just a bit peed off about it all. Am I being a horrible bridezilla type?

Oh my goodness, yes you totally are!

Why do you need other people to help sort things?

YABU. My MOH had nothing to do with the actual wedding planning, she sorted my hen do, helped me on the day, that was about it.

Ultimately she can get engaged whenever she likes, “proper proposal” or not. And wether she’s getting married in 10 days, 19 months, 10 years, she’s got every right to be just as excited about her wedding as you do about yours.

You still don't get it.

Why now?

Because they want to.

They're not marrying for at least two or three more years they've said, after they move in and all that. I don't understand why they didn't just do that first?

Because they don't want to.

It's not rocket science is it?

But if she's "always doing things like this" do you even like her? You don't sound like you do.

Unless it was the day of your wedding then their engagement is entirely unrelated? You don't get a whole season blocked out around it in which people cannot steal you thunder. Only one day!

If you fiance is not really involved then that must be hard. Are you possibly projecting your frustration onto your MOH? You don't sound terribly happy about any of it...

You have set yourself very high expectations that when wedding plans go awry (which they always do, BTW) it could set you up for a lot of stress. You need to be able to laugh about it and be flexible. You are zooming in with a massive amount of anger towards her, which could come out in an unpleasant way and which will upset you both, possibly for years. Just accept that she doesn't sound like the most objective person to ask about napkin colour and whatnot because she has her own agenda. It doesn't mean she isn't a friend or a nice person.
Remember this is about marriage to someone you love deeply, not just one stupidly expensive day. Just resolve to have a great day, no matter whether it rains, the cake collapses, the wrong flowers show up, your MIL gets pissed etc etc. My advice would be to get a brilliant photographer and makeup artist, so you get that single amazing photo for the wall, which is all you'll bother with after the dust settles. Stay as relaxed as you can, and chose people around you who keep you calm.

My chief bridesmaid chose the morning of my wedding to tell everyone she was pregnant. Having informed me the night before so that I spent my wedding eve discussing her pregnancy.
That OP is limelight stealing...

YABVU. And yes, a Bridezilla.

My cousin was my only bridesmaid, and she got engaged not long after us. We got married in July, and them in October. l thought it was nice to share all the worries and mad stuff as well as the nice things!

Hahahahaha this has to be a wind up

If not OP you sound bonkers.

The fact that you have pointed out that she was making it all about her even back when she was single suggests that you've been going on about this wedding for a long time OP. Do you really expect her to put her life on hold while you drag your 'day' out for well over a year?

Not sure if you have had ten years to plan why it's all panic now. I also planned my wedding by myself and only expected my moh to come shopping for her dress at her style and colour choice. Then turn up on the day you are very unreasonable

Why is she your MOH when you don’t actually like her? You think she is malicious in her engagement, trying to steal your limelight and self obsessed.

NEWSFLASH: The rest of the world doesn't grind to a standstill because you're getting married. people are still allowed to have lives of their own.

Why are you having this woman that you obviously don’t like, as your MOH?

I find it really hard to understand the complaints about her getting engaged. Unless I’m missing something, you are saying she has to put her life on hold and shouldn’t be moving forward because you and your event are more important? That really is very self absorbed.

You should in theory be thrilled for her because you have someone to share wedding drama with.

And why is a long engagement an issue? You said you’ve had this on hold for 10 years! Lots and lots of people get engaged to show commitment for each other without immediately planning a marriage (I’ve been engaged for 3 years with no planning yet).

YABU and I just can’t understand why she is your MOH if you clearly don’t like her very much.

FFS you'll be in the limelight on your wedding day!!! Is it only you that can be excited?

*@Nothisispatrick
Promise I’m not trying to steal your username or opinions

It sounds odd that she's your best friend, yet you feel she's done this to steal some limelight from you. I'm guessing she has a habit of "making things about her" and it's something that pisses you off. If so, why are you best friends?

And, let's face it, on your wedding day no-one is going to care less about someone else's engagement so you'll still get the day you've been planning. If her boyfriend had got down on one knee after the ceremony and proposed then? That may have been something to feel annoyed about!

I’ve just sorted out a full weekend 2 night wedding for 150 people, mostly me on the fine detail as I’m more of a planner than my husband is. It really wasn’t hard.

Arriving to set up the marquee on the morning of the first day when the marquee company hadnt showed up... that was somewhat annoying to deal with.

But choosing flowers to go with your colour scheme? I will never understand why some women make such a drama over a party.

If you have issues with her generally as a friend, fine. But you are being a complete bridezilla expecting her to plan your wedding for you!!

PatrickMerricksGoshawk

No problem, I stole my username from spongebob squarepants!

Hahahaha.... of course you ABU!

I was MOH and was early pregnancy (dress still fit fine etc.) had been trying as had MC previously. Bride was annoyed with me for being pregnant...

The world doesn't stop just because you're getting married!

Maid of honour/ bridesmaids are just honorary titles.They are not really expected to do anything but turn up oj the day in the dress you have picked out for them.

I really want to think you're joking/trolling. If not you sound really judgemental about your friend's relationship with your remarks about their lack of proposal, not living together and how long they've been together.

Seriously OP. Are you 12?

Ginger has it right