AIBU with my MOH?

[FireHazrd]

I'm getting married in a few months. My MOH is my best friend, and she just got engaged too - he didn't propose, they just sort of mutually agreed on it.

Obviously I'm delighted that my best mate has found the One, but I'm a bit pissed off that they had to do this now. We're in the middle of all my planning, with only a few months left to go (November 11th) tensions are high and plans are messing up. I need her help with all this, and I'm afraid that suddenly it's all going to turn into talk about HER wedding (which she's done before, at a wedding fair with me, while not even dating her fiance - instead of helping me, she wouldn't stop talking about her hypothetical wedding). I feel like I can't even run the seating chart past her ATM because I'll be taking away the spotlight from her recent engagement!!

It just feels like I'm not allowed do anything without her swooping in sometimes. She's forever doing stuff the minute I decide to and randomly tagging on to my interests and stuff. I've waited nearly TEN years to have this wedding, I had to finish college, get well after being very sick, survive my parents both passing, save thousands to afford the bloody thing, and a whole heap of other things. I need this. I need the fuss. I deserve my day, right? I've waited so damn long for this.

On the flipside, they're together maybe a year, and don't live together. As I said, there was no proposal so I imagine she probably instigated the whole thing. I do believe they love each other and I genuinely am happy, I just wish they'd waited a few months more. I'm happy to still have her in my bridal party, she is my best mate, I'm just a bit peed off about it all. Am I being a horrible bridezilla type?

You sound really quite awful. You can’t possibly be that awful in real life, so hopefully when you re read your messages it’ll just be a need to rant.

My maid of honour is my best friend, I didn't even want her to have to plan the hen night because in reality, my wedding is not her responsibility. She really wanted to though so she's planning and I'm paying for everyone. What you need to understand is that it was YOUR choice to get married, it was YOUR choice to have bridesmaids. It is HER right to be happy and excited about her own nuptials and want to share it with you, it's only natural when you're discussing weddings. Never lose sight of the fact that NO ONE cares as much about your wedding as you do. That being said, I genuinely hope you have a wonderful day and I wish you an exceptionally happy marriage

This kind of post makes me really glad I never have been and likely will never be a bridesmaid!

Why does it have to be a competition?

Why shouldn't they have a long engagement?

She's doing it because I am....ME ME ME all over this!

You don't like your best friend much do you??

Look, unless she turns up at your wedding in a big white dress complete with cathedral veil and insists that she and her new fiance cut your wedding cake, she can do very little to steal your thunder on your Wedding Day ie not Wedding Entire Year Before and Entire Year After. Thing is while you're in the middle of wedding plans no one else's world comes to a grinding halt. I sincerely doubt she's done this to in some way spite you and if you truly do believe that she's capable of that why is she even a friend let alone a MOH?

BTW there is no right or wrong way to do relationship progression, proposals, length of engagements (ironic you should complain about this when yours has been 10 years), wedding preparations - it's down to every individual couple. You did it your way and she's doing it hers.

I hope you're basing your decision on a marriage OP, you just seem very fixed on the wedding and being centre of attention. That's not why I got married, and yes I had a big do, three dates three different locations, two continents. Planned it all myself including the hen, my MOH was a star, corralled the junior bridesmaids, brought me champagne the morning of the big wedding, helped me go to the loo in my dress! Packed a little gift of bridal PJs and robe for when I was having my hair and make up done, organised some surprises for the hen. I couldn't have asked for more. You sound like a toddler stamping her feet 'but look at me, look at me!!!' it's very unbecoming. Your MOH is a person with her own life, she has every right to get engaged and maybe she's just not into the flashy stuff, and doesn't need a big elaborate proposal. You don't sound like a very nice friend.

These posts always make me laugh. I asked my best friend to be bridesmaid but here's a list of bad shit she's done. She's actually a monster who I hate.

Your moh is not there to help organise your wedding. Yabu.

If you and your fiance can't manage organising your own wedding then hire a wedding planner - you cannot ask others cease their lives for your wedding - perhaps if you are lucky your parents or family will want to help a bit but really it is down to you.

OPs long gone by the way, so you’re all howling at the moon

I planned our wedding at the same time as revising for, and sitting my University finals in two subjects, and including a vocal recital. I was living in Stoke on Trent at the time, and dh was working shifts in London, so neither of us had lots of time.

Unless you are having something akin to the Royal Wedding, I don’t see how it can provide work for a bride, a maid of honour and other family members, to the extent where the MOH cannot have anything else on her mind for the next 3 months!

So yes, I am afraid you are being a bridezilla about this, OP.

What is it about getting married that turns some people into self absorbed mini dictators? I don’t get it. Chill. Its one day. I don’t remember the flowers from a single wedding I’ve been to. Every bride wore white. Beyond that I couldn’t tell you very much about their dresses. Long, lacy, bit of sparkle. Maybe, who knows? no-one remembers that stuff.

I’m always intrigued as to what can be so so stressful about wedding planning, especially so long before the big day. You sound high maintenance and a pain. You don’t like your bridesmaid either

Ps sorry about your parents

I think you're expecting too much from other people. A lot of this stuff should be done by you and your fiance. Is he not contactable at all? Can you not do some of it via email? This is about you and him. No-one else.

Your friend sounds a bit competitive, but you know this, so stop involving her in stuff. I would keep her at a bit of a distance for a while, as she's clearly stressing you out.

Are you for fucking real????

YABU

Plan your own wedding! You don’t need her to look at seating plans or anything. That is for you and you fiancé to decide on. Your wedding really isn’t that important to anyone else.

Oh my gosh, what a horrible question!

How can anyone ever be so self centred that they think someone else should put their life on hold due to your wedding plans?

I feel like this might be a fake post.

So let me get this right, she has been with her now fiancè a year, but was spoiling your wedding planning by discussing her plans when she was still single? So you have roped this poor woman into planning your wedding for over a year??

You are being outrageously unreasonable.

I'll accept that you need/ deserve your day, that does not mean the whole bloody year beforehand is yours too, you cannot expect other people to put their lives on hold.

Wow.

Probably the firmest YABU I have ever given.

Get a grip!!

Idk if you are suffering from some kind of ptsd that prevents you from being in touch with reality but thread is so devoid of emotion I thought it was a reverse. In any case despite the difficulties you have faced in your life, you don’t seem to have learnt much. Strange.

The thing is, if you have a friendship group of say 6 and you’re all the same age, expecting each friend to ya e a year for their own wedding is completely unreasonable.

Marriage is not about the wedding day, that is insignificant.

I have a theory that the greater the fuss about the wedding the shorter the marriage.

100% record at being accurate in predicting marriage breakdown based on how up herself the bride was/how pretentious the wedding was.

Fucking Ada. You sound like you dislike her so why on Earth is she being your mob???

Hi OP. I totally agree with everyone else. In reality, no one cares about your wedding but you. No one wants to hear about a wedding for this amount of time. You get the one day that's it. MOHs organise hen do's, wear a lovely frock on the day, walk slowly, maybe hold your bouquet. Ideally have one dance with Best Man. You are expecting too much, even from someone who supposedly loves you. I can see why you might think that this woman is stealing your thunder. But I'm guessing she is just sick of hearing about it. Tone down the bridezilla. Show some interest in your friends life and save your friendship. It's one day. If you put this much expectation on it, it will never live up to your dreams. Good luck. X

Actually if she has form for copying you I don't think you are necessarily BU.

I wouldn't include her in your planning, she isn't going to be that interested I'm afraid, and of course you don't want to talk about her wedding when you're still planning yours.

Brace yourself, this is only going to get worse when you have DC!