AIBU... DH "needs 8 hours sleep", 2 week old baby

[Aw12345]

AIBU?

My MIL has convinced my DH that he should sleep in the spare room to ensure he gets 8 hours uninterrupted sleep every night because he has work.

This has annoyed me because obviously DH has taken this straight to heart and doesn't help me at all with DS (2 weeks old) overnight anymore. We have never discussed this and it annoys me that DH wants all the benefits of a baby without the drawbacks (mainly sleepless nights).

He does not have a demanding job and his work place are very child friendly.

AIBU? I'm seriously annoyed!!!

He is a parent of a newborn so should expect to be sleep deprived. You're doing all the hard work, he only needs to change some nappies!

I would never have got DP up in the night to change a nappy when I was awake anyway. What's the point?

What's the point?

Depends on your baby. Mine as a newborn would sometimes feed for 15 min, then need changing, then need tons of settling. If I did all of that I might be awake for an hour - if DH took the baby for one of those wakeups to do change and settling after I fed, that would get me an extra 45 minutes sleep.

But this is the point. Everyone and every baby is different. Telling the OP what she should be doing is not helpful and could cause problems unnecessarily.

He is quite a windy baby so takes a bit of settling after a feed... Also he has bad nappy rash at the moment (normal I know but still feel sorry for the little guy) so he needs changing really often whilst we try to get on top of that for him...

DH slept in spare room again last night but did stay up until 12 with baby so I could get an early night. Some improvement! Has also stopped talking about "helping" me which always made me really annoyed because it's parenting not helping.

So handy to know what other people think and what you did with newborns as this is our first and I'm making it up as I go along!

OP good on you.

Now you need to sort out lunch times.

Oh and research has shown fathers who are involved with their children from the beginning have a stronger relationship with the children and their partner.

You are doing great OP.

Like others, I found it really useful for DP to give a dream feed while I slept (we did mix feeding from the start - nipple confusion is a myth IME) and then put the baby to bed. I would then get a good run of a few hours sleep. DP enjoyed their time together.

Very soon DS would feed in 5-10 mins and be back down. DD never did less than 45 mins.

I was generally up for 2+ hours at least feeding dd in the night. It meant a lot to me that at weekends dp got up with me. Also that we all slept in the same room together so I didn't feel so alone. People may say it was pointless as I had to be up anyway, but if he hadn't been there supporting me I'd have gone even more insane than I did.

OP on a side note, try bepanthon for the nappy rash. We find it great

Nipple confusion isn’t a myth and introducing a bottle and not expressing at the same time can cause a dip in supply for some people! X

Glad stuff is getting better OP.

Plenty of bare bum time is good for nappy rash too (keep an old towel or terry nappy handy for the inevitable wee fountains this involves!)

Our 4 month dd has just gotten over a bad mix of heat rash and nappy rash. After two weeks the only thing that got rid of it was not putting a nappy on her for three days. We washed every single one of our towels, she even slept without one but it kicked it!
Also look at welleda nappy cream it's the only thing that's worked.

Glad you got an early night! It feels impossible now but it'll get easier 😊Although It would make me so sad if dh slept in the spare room even if he's sleeping just having him there is a comfort at 3am. He's quickly gotten used to any noise and can sleep through unless I need him. Our marriage has been tested enough since dd without separate beds keeping us apart

Nipple confusion isn’t a myth

That's why I said IME.

I don't believe it because of my experience (no problems with first child who had both from the start, second child refused a bottle or dummy a few weeks in), but some people do.

@Shabeth and @Verbena87 thanks for nappy rash advice... Very stupid question (ftm!)... When they're having bare bum time, do you apply barrier cream or only when they're in a nappy? Stupid question I know!

Not at all’s stupid, and tbh I’m never sure either (for reassurance, am 11 months in and we’ve cleared several doses of nappy rash so I reckon the ‘make it up as you go along’ approach is good. I’ve decided to reframe it as responsive, attentive, adaptable parenting ) - I think leave it off to let things air properly, but keep baby nice and dry.

Also we once had red spotty nappy rash that wouldn’t clear - HV said it was thrush, I was sure it wasn’t (no nipple/mouth thrush). 2 days of canestan and it was clear! So worth getting checked for that if air and cream don’t help at all.

Metanium when they have the nappy on, its main purpose is as a barrier to protect the skin from more wee & poo, bare skin while doing nappy-free time. It's the air you want

My number 1 nappy rash tip - put some child farm moisturiser on the rash before you put the nappy cream on top. Nappies can chafe little bottoms and nappy cream can be too drying. I swear by child's farm for clearing up nappy rash. Just the plain newborn moisturiser in the white bottle.

Anyway onto the original problem, yes you need to allocate him times when he is in charge eg 7pm-10pm then you can get a rest and take over. Happy days if he's in the spare room because you and baby can co sleep then which is the best way to get some rest (stick to safe sleeping guidelines though)

Don't worry ftm here too I'm making it up as I go along!
We've gotten in the habit now of taking nappy off in the morning and having half an hour of bare bum floor time to start the day. We don't use any cream until the nappy goes on so it gets to air properly. Just wipe to get the wee off air dry then cream and nappy. We also do another bare bum session after her afternoon nap.

Being a mama is a job as well, and your body is still recovering. so you need help also! What we done was my partner feed baby up in till 12 at night and got 7 hours sleep , I would be up maybe 2/3 times. Always nap when baby napped then dad would take over when he got in from work till I got dinner then I would take over till he got dinner. Then I went to bed at 9ish then be up about 3am since dad feed baby baby at 12. Also he gets up at the weekend and lets me lie in. My partner is very good though and a very hands on dad x

MIL needs to butt out on this one I agree

My DC are 90’s babies and I was back at work fairly quickly after they were born 6-8 weeks. DH shared the parenting as long as he was in the country. Night feeds, bottle preparation, cooking, cleaning there was no his jobs and her jobs just things that needed to be done. The only thing I did more if was the morning routine as he had a longer commute and going in early meant we had family evenings.

I worked with less than 8 hours sleep in a fairly important role, my SIL has had 3 none of whom were great sleepers by the time she went back to work and she is GP. Her DH has a job where you would prefer he has sleep but it just doesn’t always happen.

It’s been more than 20 years since mine were babies and when I read MN I feel we have gone backwards as a society. I am a child of the 60s and my DF could have been described as hands off yet my DM would leave us with him on a Saturday whilst she had me time. We bonded and survived.