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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit pissed off DH didn’t take up this opportunity?

78 replies

mouseyblonde · 20/08/2018 16:02

Have NC as potentially outing.

DH has been offered the chance to work abroad where the weather will be hot in December for 2 weeks. We have 2 DC (aged 3 and 13 months). We have never been on holiday with them and as people who love to travel we are desperate to get away for a while and we are now in a position to do so as we have been saving like crazy to get a mortgage and I have started my own business.

Accommodation and flights would be provided for him, but other colleagues have taken their families on this trip before and paid the difference for more family friendly accommodation and flights for partners and children

Because DHs work is full of Flash Harry’s (Hmm) we can stay at a family resort for a fraction of the cost it would normally cost for us to go with the money they are paying for DH. It’s a destination we have never been to and have always talked about going to.

The resort we have found would mean a roughly 30 minute commute there and back for DH, half of what he is currently doing.

He has turned it down, and I’m majorly pissed off about it. It’s a chance for some winter sunshine in a place we currently afford to go to. Plus I need a fucking break.

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working- when in reality, he would only be working about half his normal hours with reduced commute.

Think he’s pissed off because it means he can’t get pissed in the bars every night for 2 weeks- I don’t begrudge him doing this a couple of times as he knows regardless of me and the DC are there. He works hard and deserves to have a couple of beers once or twice a week.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 20/08/2018 16:04

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working

If that’s his reason, I agree it’s a shitey one.

Coco2891 · 20/08/2018 16:04

No I'd be really pissed off too , can he take it back? I'd be on his case big time to go

Cheeseislife · 20/08/2018 16:05

YANBU, your DH is a selfish dick though to begrudge his family that just because he will have to work. Have you not pointed out you'll be minding a toddler and a baby, hardly relaxing at the best of times?! Any chance he could change his mind, and would work still offer?

Alpacanorange · 20/08/2018 16:06

I’d be pissed yes, that he would resent me and the kids having a holiday whilst he was working !!! I mean wtaf!! You would be looking after his children ffs. Not drinking and shopping with your friends.

onetimeposter · 20/08/2018 16:06

Sounds like he doesnt want home and work mixing imo.
I had a partner who would never let me go to the meals etc. If i were to suggest it he would rather not go.
You say 'we' found the resort, but he doesmt want to go. So do you mean you? I dont understand why he wouldnt want his wife and children to have a holiday. I think for whatever reason he doesnt want you there. Its not about the holiday.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/08/2018 16:06

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working

Is he always such a selfish twat?

Alpacanorange · 20/08/2018 16:07

In pissed off mode, I would arrange to go anyway. Be cheaper without him.

Knittedfairies · 20/08/2018 16:07

But you wouldn’t be on holiday either - just looking after your children somewhere else.

Alpacanorange · 20/08/2018 16:07

He wants to holiday like you are not there.

MsHopey · 20/08/2018 16:08

Not sure what to say, but I love going on holiday but it's just not something we can realistically afford and haven't been away since 2015 (not the end of the world, but still a shame).
I would be gutted if my DH refused to let us go, especially with the good deal you are being offered.
I know it's for work, but surely he'd rather spend the time he's not working with you 3 as a family? Or is the alternative of drinking excessively and being alone better? Which ever way you look at it he's happy to leave you alone for 2 weeks near Christmas leaving all child care to you, when there is a clear option to take you along and have a family break.
Seems odd and I'd be pissed off.
When do you get a break?

caperberries · 20/08/2018 16:08

I agree with PP, it sounds like he's trying to keep you away from his work colleagues. Or do you know the people he works with?

Notquiteagandt · 20/08/2018 16:09

Is part of this work contract socialising/networking etc after "work" ?

If this is the case im with him

CripsSandwiches · 20/08/2018 16:12

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working

Yeah that is a shitty reason since it wouldn't involve him doing any extra work. If he had a better reason for not going to go that would be fine.

chickenowner · 20/08/2018 16:14

That's really mean of him.

My DP often works overseas and I sometimes go with him. I pay for my own flight and share his hotel room.

It has ever occurred to him to be cross that I'm on holiday, in fact he enjoys the fact that he can give me a very cheap break.

But then my DP is a nice, kind man.

teaandtoast · 20/08/2018 16:16

Like you'll truly be on holiday with kids that young!

Original poster
mouseyblonde · 20/08/2018 16:19

Tbh it is very unexpected. He has his moments but he’s not a cock.

There may be some socialising/networking while he’s there- and that’s fine. No problem with that at all.

I know 80% of his work colleagues over here through work events etc.

He can change his mind but only has until start of September

OP posts:
Jupiter9 · 20/08/2018 16:19

What a great opportunity for a cheap holiday. He's a very selfish man. I don't blame you being upset. 🌷

nibblingandbiting · 20/08/2018 16:24

Surely it's up to him if he wants to take on additional work.
It's not really a holiday for anyone. Ok, he would be working less, but still working. You would be in another location with the kids whilst he's at work.

serbska · 20/08/2018 16:26

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working

Ouch! He really said that?

DarlingNikita · 20/08/2018 16:29

He said he would resent me for being on holiday while he was working

What a silly bitch he is.

I'd suggest he grew up and graciously asked his employer if he might change his mind.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/08/2018 16:30

If you were leaving the kids or taking some child care with you so that you were having an actual holiday then he may have a point (but still be a bit mean). A 3 year old on holiday is hardly relaxing with cocktails round the pool is it? A marriage is meant to be wanting the best for everyone not just yourself. If he has got to work regardless...why begrudge you a change of scene?

Livinglavidal0ca · 20/08/2018 16:34

He might be working, but you’re not going to be drinking in bars all day and sleeping on the beach with two infants!
I’d be livid, give me a holiday anytime!

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/08/2018 16:36

Because he said what he said, which was pretty nasty, I'd worry there was an even worse reason. Like an attractive colleague. Because why would he say something so selfish otherwise?

You say he's not normally like this but if DH said something similar I'd be incredulous. I cannot imagine it. He probably would say, "just so you know I'll be socializing a lot". And that would be fine. I'm taking him and DD on my business trip in December!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 20/08/2018 16:37

What a mean thing to say. Me and my DH do this...sometimes with our DS and sometimes without. Obviously when I'm with my DS it's not much of a holiday but it's still nice. When we don't take DS with us obviously I'm getting a nice break but my DH would never begrudge me this. I'd be really upset if my DH said he'd resent me and DS having a nice holiday

Mitzimaybe · 20/08/2018 16:38

YANBU. He IBU.

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