To give my DS his sister's room?

[CherryChatsworth]

So, DD is 20 and is about to enter her 2nd year at uni. DS is 11 and about to start secondary

We have a 3 bedroom house and as is normal, DD got the second largest room - us of course having the biggest! DD has the smallest - it's still classed as a double room though but only just.

Anyway it would benefit him to have her bedroom now - we cannot fit a desk and a chair in his room and he's getting to the stage where he will need one at secondary.

I've spoken with DD about this and she's distinctly unimpressed which I expected. She's away for over two thirds of the year at uni but feels she should keep her room. For what it's worth, me popping her in his room would mean her keeping her double bed - I'm not proposing a single

So why would you do? Leave the second largest bedroom in the house empty for the bulk of the year despite being able to put it to good use? Or would you turf her out?

I didn't do it in her first year away but I'd prefer to swap them round

Shan't be forcing anyone to do anything at this point but what do YOU think is reasonable?

That's very strange Cold but it's not what I'm asking here. I wouldn't dream of her moving out for good and still strangely keeping dibs on her room

I swapped my 2 DC bedrooms when eldest went to uni, the small room is tiny and just fits a single bed in, eldest DS wasn't bothered about swapping though. He's just about to do his last year, and when he returns next year, assuming he's coming home and getting a job, I will swap them back as eldest will more than likely be paying a bit of rent so only fair he has the bigger room.

I'd definitely swap them. It makes absolutely no sense for your son to have the smaller room and not have the space he needs when she's away a large chunk of the time. I didn't have siblings, but my parents made my room into a guest room when I left. So it was still there for me to sleep in when I was home, but it was more practical since I wasn't around as much.

I have my dc the biggest room op, that doesn’t make a fool it means I put my children’s need to play before my want for extra floor space!

That great Marvel! Totally irrelevant but great

(Backs slowly away from Crazy)

Thankyou for being so gracious cherry
As I was reading my friend was texting me about her DD (who is totally spoilt and NOTHINGS EVER her fault) and the banner kept appearing at the top of my screen.
I then typed that. It was unfair and very judgemental of me and as soon as I'd pressed send I cringed

Yes of course your DS should have it. What's the point of having a room empty for most of the year when she might not even come back. Luckily my two have rooms of a similar size so it won't be an issue in 4 weeks when the oldest leaves.

A few of our friends have moved and redecorated for younger children/bigger room even before the results came out

Ha don't cringe! I totally get it youarekiddingme

Are you always so rude op , you have called me a fool and crazy because my opinion differs from yours.

I'm only rude to people who ask deliberately inflammatory and obtuse question Marvel. You added nothing to the debate apart from asking why my husband and I didn't give up our bedroom. Pointless, irrelevant and strange - unless you wanted a serious answer to that?

Anyway no more engaging with Crazy

In similar situation we allowed younger children use of the bigger rooms, (desk, storage etc) when the older were not at home but we didn't allow them to formally swop i.e no personal belongings, no redecorating etc until the older DCs had a permanent jobs and had moved to different towns.

Well yes op I was being serious as that’s exactly what my dh and I did. I thought maybe it was an option that had not occurred to you l, and it may have been an something you wanted to consider.
Had you shown more of your character before I posted, it would have been obvious to me that was never an option for you!

I this YABU. Your son needs it more. I have already warned two of mine this will happen. Four years plus is fair warning so hopefully mine won't be surprised 😁

When my brother started seeing his now wife he was staying at hers for weeks on end so I decided I was having his room. I’d had the box room for 18 years and I’d had enough!! I told him and my parents if he wasn’t living at the house and I was, and paying board, I was moving him out. So I did 😉 makes sense to me. She’s still got a room. My parents eventually knocked my old room and the bigger room into one and made a walk in wardrobe! They actually stated work the day after I moved out 🤣

OP some parents end up selling up and moving to a smaller house when their youngest goes off to uni away from home. (I've even have friends whose parents moved to a different country.)

How is your daughter going to react then if she hasn't realised that she is becoming an independent adult so things at her parents' home will be changing?

I’ve already considered this as my youngest has a tiny room. I think what we will do is simply allow him to use the desk in his brothers room. I don’t want to discourage the older one from coming home.

No! I wouldn't (and didn't) swap. It was still eldest DD's home and still her room. Never occurred to her brother or sister that they'd take over her room.
Your DD still considers the family home as her proper home and her Uni accommodation as her term-time digs.

Have only read the OP... My younger brother took matters into his own hands and swapped our bedrooms over within a week of me leaving home! Obviously I wasn't too happy about it, but I knew I had absolutely zero argument for keeping it.

Swap the bedrooms over. Your DD might not like it but tough, she's an adult. It's her little brother's turn to get the bigger room.

I don't get why your eldest would get to keep the largest room indefinitely? When she was in secondary school she got a large room with a desk why shouldn't DS get the same? I don't see why the eldest should get the best of everything while the youngest always gets what's left over.

We (4) all played musical rooms. DM regularly moved us all around on an annual basis. I quite liked it as we got to redecorate every time.

With my 2, it was just logical that big brother needed more space and then when he moved out ds2 moved over. Now I’ve remarried and moved so ds2 still has a big room, little one is a study and there’s a loft room with ensuite for visiting ds, sd’s and ss’s. I’m trying to talk oh into letting me Airbnb it when it’s not in use for some extra money.

YANBU. She has essentially left home so it’s perfectly normal for DS to take her room. The only thing is what are her plans after uni? Will she end up back with you full time? Is the other bedroom going to big enough to accommodate that?

llange - yep that's what lingers at the back of my mind

Out - his room is a double room, albeit a small double. So she will have her double bed in there and theres a built in wardrobe and shelving unit etc

No denying it's smaller though than what she has

Ice cream - he's not disadvantaged in any way whatsoever. Theres definitely no case if him always getting the leftovers.

He's had no real need for the bigger room. Until now

And I've no idea what her plans are after uni. She's only completed Year one. She doesn't know either so it's impossible for me to guess whether she will stay in the town she's in now or come back home