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Original poster

To give my DS his sister's room?

153 replies

CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 19:04

So, DD is 20 and is about to enter her 2nd year at uni. DS is 11 and about to start secondary

We have a 3 bedroom house and as is normal, DD got the second largest room - us of course having the biggest! DD has the smallest - it's still classed as a double room though but only just.

Anyway it would benefit him to have her bedroom now - we cannot fit a desk and a chair in his room and he's getting to the stage where he will need one at secondary.

I've spoken with DD about this and she's distinctly unimpressed which I expected. She's away for over two thirds of the year at uni but feels she should keep her room. For what it's worth, me popping her in his room would mean her keeping her double bed - I'm not proposing a single

So why would you do? Leave the second largest bedroom in the house empty for the bulk of the year despite being able to put it to good use? Or would you turf her out?

I didn't do it in her first year away but I'd prefer to swap them round

Shan't be forcing anyone to do anything at this point but what do YOU think is reasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:01

Kinder - I am indeed the eldest child but interestingly my younger brother got the biggest bedroom .

I shall bring this up with my mother over WhatsApp immediately Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:04

Edison - I can't put fitted furniture in his room, doesn't work logistically at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:04

Edison - I can't put fitted furniture in his room, doesn't work logistically at all.

OP posts:
mirialis · 19/08/2018 20:04

You absolutely should swap rooms straight away! It's fair enough for her to feel disgruntled but it's disappointing that she didn't say 'ok fair play'.

MintCassis · 19/08/2018 20:04

I think the fact he doesn't have floor space to do the things he wants would be the decider for me. My aunt gave my younger cousin the bigger bedroom from the age of one because he would make use of the extra space playing with toys and his older brother (8) mostly played football outside or on his computer which fitted in the smaller room. If he needs the extra space and she doesn't then a swap sounds fair.

Sturmundcalm · 19/08/2018 20:05

slightly smaller age gap but we've agreed the same - DD moving out for uni in a few weeks. we won't swap the rooms over this year but if she stays away from home again next year then DS will be offered the choice of switching rooms. he may not want to cause his is much sunnier but hers is a good bit bigger.

it's what happened in my family as folk moved on - the next oldest got the choice of getting the biggest room!

bridgetreilly · 19/08/2018 20:06

Definitely should be your son's room. He needs the desk available every day. Her 'I may want to come back' is irrelevant.

Also, it's your house, your decision.

AJPTaylor · 19/08/2018 20:08

I did this. More in rage tbh after DD1 left her room like a pit after she went back after her first summer holiday.
The next time she came home it was DD3s room. Completely redecorated. No going back

chocatoo · 19/08/2018 20:12

I would swap the rooms but I would sweeten the pill by making her new room as lovely as possible with new furniture, etc. I would also put a lot of thought into the design to maximise space.

SnowyAlps · 19/08/2018 20:13

My little ds (14) is tying to turf big ds (18) out of his room now he’s going to uni. Problem is he’s commuting and we live in a 2 bed! He thinks his big brother should sleep on th sofa now he is an adult!

MoonFacesMum · 19/08/2018 20:13

I think I would have just told DD that DS is moving rooms and if she likes, she can redecorate the smaller room any way she chooses should she live with you again for an extended period. It’s very nice of you to ask her, but she’s not really being very practical or mature about it.

SnowyAlps · 19/08/2018 20:14

Sorry I forgot to answer- yes change them around!

Redglitter · 19/08/2018 20:14

rite of passage isn't it? Oldest child gets the biggest bedroom available

I've never understood this reasoning. When we moved house my parents gave my younger brother the bigger room as he was still at the stage of playing in his room whereas I was at High School & past that stage. I didn't need as much room as he did so he quite rightly got the big room. Our rooms were chosen for need rather than who was older

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2018 20:35

You're not turfing her out! She's moved out to go to uni - assumably for at least another 2 years?

I can't believe she'd rather leave a room that would give her brother a comfy place to study empty for her to return for a few weeks at a time and live in rent free?

Who raises these entitled brats Shock

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2018 20:37

Sorry my post was harsh Blush

Stand by what I said but I should have said it better. Caught me at a bad moment

GreenTulips · 19/08/2018 20:41

I knew you'd say 'because she's the eldest'
Your son will never get to be thatwill he?
Awful reasoning.

My friend regularly swaps her two round so they don't pull this rubbish, bit take it in turns

She's had 18 years of the bigger room, your son will get 7. Hardly fair is it?

SuburbanRhonda · 19/08/2018 20:41

We did exactly the same but we waited until DD was ready. She had MH issues and couldn’t face the thought of giving up her “sanctuary”.

DS was very patient as he understood why she needed to be ready. I decorated the smaller room for her and it looks lovely!

FrancisCrawford · 19/08/2018 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notdaddycool · 19/08/2018 20:45

How many years has he had the small room? She can now have it for the same number of years and if she’s still living at home in that many years they can swap back again.

User467 · 19/08/2018 20:51

As a younger, and middle child, your reasoning of "she's the eldest" really isn't great. Your DS will never get he perks of being the eldest, no matter what he does. It's a very good way of building up resentment.

Room should be based on need. She needed it when she was living there and needed the space, he needs it now.

Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:52

Don't worry you are Kiddingme! I raised her but she's not an entitled brat I promise. She's reluctant to move out her room and I get that. But I don't 'get it' to the point where she runs the show here

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:53

And don't worry about my DS being somehow disadvantaged by being younger. He's really not at all in any way shape or form.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:54

You seem quite angry greentulips. How bizarre for such a dull question being debated

OP posts:
Coldilox · 19/08/2018 20:54

I'm the youngest of two. I always had the smallest room, on account of being the youngest, which I hated. My sister didn't go to uni, but she moved out at 19 into her own place. She said her room was still her room, and that I wasn't allowed to live into hers, and my parents went along with this. I was 13, and stayed in my single until I left for uni.

I'm still bitter. She basically got her way because she would have tantrummed if she hadn't.

Coldilox · 19/08/2018 20:56

And I always hated that she always got first choice of everything "because I'm the eldest"

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