To give my DS his sister's room?

[CherryChatsworth]

So, DD is 20 and is about to enter her 2nd year at uni. DS is 11 and about to start secondary

We have a 3 bedroom house and as is normal, DD got the second largest room - us of course having the biggest! DD has the smallest - it's still classed as a double room though but only just.

Anyway it would benefit him to have her bedroom now - we cannot fit a desk and a chair in his room and he's getting to the stage where he will need one at secondary.

I've spoken with DD about this and she's distinctly unimpressed which I expected. She's away for over two thirds of the year at uni but feels she should keep her room. For what it's worth, me popping her in his room would mean her keeping her double bed - I'm not proposing a single

So why would you do? Leave the second largest bedroom in the house empty for the bulk of the year despite being able to put it to good use? Or would you turf her out?

I didn't do it in her first year away but I'd prefer to swap them round

Shan't be forcing anyone to do anything at this point but what do YOU think is reasonable?

Yes, swap. My sister got my room when I started getting serious with (now) DH. And I still 'lived' at home full time, but stayed with DH most nights. I coped

I swapped mine, my argument was that you've had the biggest room for x years it's siblings turn for the biggest room now.

Well if she’s being snippy about the smaller room maybe she’ll decide to get her own place when she graduates rather than coming home. Win win

It’s your house. She pays rent and officially lives elsewhere. Your son is there fulltime and is currently missing out.

She’s an adult. Stropping about her entitlement to something she barely uses is very immature. You don’t ask her. You tell her. And you let DS redecorate if he wants so it’s permanently his.

Not a load of DC have double beds growing up either so they’re lucky kids and she needs to count her blessings.

Does the DD pay the mortgage/rent?

If not, you decide what's best for the full-time residents of the house. What's more, she benefited from the bigger room when she was at secondary school and now does not need those benefits. her brother does.

His turn to have the bigger room, regardless of anything else tbh

We are in the same position, dd off to uni for her first year next month. Her brothers room is on the ground floor and he would like to move into her room which is upstairs and bigger.
I think dd is going to agree but apparently we have to have a family conference about it😀

Ahh this stuff is hard. Obviously the most logical thing is for your son to swap but there is the emotional stuff of being turned out of your room that you’ve (possibly) live in for many years.

Definitely swap. Speaking as a second child who always missed out in preference to the oldest, I don't think rooms should be allocated solely on the basis of age anyway. It should be done on need. Your ds has need of a bigger space, it's there and empty most of the time, it's a no brainer.

Definitely swap. Speaking as a second child who always missed out in preference to the oldest, I don't think rooms should be allocated solely on the basis of age anyway. It should be done on need. Your ds has need of a bigger space, it's there and empty most of the time, it's a no brainer.

We did it DS1 went uni, DS2 got the bigger room.

DD has had the largest room for some time. Whether she comes back or not I think it’s fair to let DS have the bigger room now

OP she isn't there so why does she need the space? She doesn't.

I moved rooms when my sister moved out to uni and so did a lot of my friends' siblings when their older siblings moved out to uni.

Oh and it isn't normal for the eldest to be given the biggest room. One of my friends' brothers got the smallest room while the youngest got the biggest of their bedrooms after their parents. The reason for that is they worked out the youngest needed more room to play in when they moved into the house, there as the oldest could study in their study.

My DB is three years younger than me, we weren't expected to swap rooms when I went off to to uni, that room was still my home until the day I moved into my own house. which wasn't until a couple of years after graduation. However, whilst I was away it was effectively DB's sitting room so, if your DD had a desk, etc in the room, she can't object to her DB using it whilst she's away.

That's her other argument - the decorating! Her bedroom has a feature wall of beautiful silver birches and apparently this is not fair to remove her from them

She's not particularly bratty actually. But her room is very nice and she wants to keep it. I do get it but I've been patient and waited and I now feel it's time.

She doesn't, funnily enough.

Ok I think I will do it.

Muddling - that's another of her arguments- she says he can use her desk when she's not there.

Bye - yes that's it. I don't want her to feel that I'm turfing her out of her bedroom that she loves. But im trying to think very practically and my son has need of the bigger space - he still plays with toys over his bedroom floor (I'm not in a hurry to stop that as it's nice to see an 11 year old these days actually playing), he has a games console he can't use properly as no space (this is not a compelling reason) and he needs a desk and chair going forward

His sister thinks in year 7 and 8 he can do his homework on his bed

DD2 moved into the bigger room the summer DD1 got her A Level results. DD1 is currently home and somewhat cramped in the box room, but she's not here most of the time. It's only fair.

When my sister left, l turned her room into a "lounge" for me. Therefore it was still hers but l added a desk, computer, TV etc

Definitely swap. Ask her how she would feel her his shoes. She's away for the majority of the year.

We did this when DS went off to college last year. He wasn't really happy about it, the small room is tiny and not really suitable for a 6'4 human but in reality he doesn't live here anymore and DD keeps her new bigger room in a clean and tidy condition, she can have friends to sleepover and she now has space for a desk (DS used the desk space to store empty yoghurt pots and used pizza boxes)

Perfectly reasonable to swap the rooms over, your son will need study space.

Perhaps they could choose how the rooms are decorated, so your daughter feels that the smaller room is hers?

God I'm not letting him loose in two bedrooms He tries to make enough mess in one.

His room is plenty big enough for her, it isn't a box room. But it's not the size of her bedroom, by a long shot

I'd swap them. DSD is sharing with DD but once DSS goes to Uni his room will be hers and he will have to share with DS when he's with us.

As others have said I'd be unimpressed with her not offering in the first place! She's an adult living elsewhere most of the time at least for the next 2ys and in all likelihood further than that. I can't imagine I'd have been bothered if my room has 'gone' when I left home to go to uni - I was soon bloody excited to be leaving home and be 'independent' (although living with my parents money still...)

Just to ask op, what would you do if dd chose a local university and chose to leave be at home????

That would be an Interesting one!!!!

That happend to me I went local
And lived at home. My parents house is old tho and all 4 bedrooms are just about equal in size, that's the problem with newer houses where the third and even third and forth bedrooms are boxes!

I have a 3 bed with baby on the way and I'm even worried about using it as a nursery it's so small and pokey!! We plan to move in the next 5 years tho!