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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my DS his sister's room?

153 replies

CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 19:04

So, DD is 20 and is about to enter her 2nd year at uni. DS is 11 and about to start secondary

We have a 3 bedroom house and as is normal, DD got the second largest room - us of course having the biggest! DD has the smallest - it's still classed as a double room though but only just.

Anyway it would benefit him to have her bedroom now - we cannot fit a desk and a chair in his room and he's getting to the stage where he will need one at secondary.

I've spoken with DD about this and she's distinctly unimpressed which I expected. She's away for over two thirds of the year at uni but feels she should keep her room. For what it's worth, me popping her in his room would mean her keeping her double bed - I'm not proposing a single

So why would you do? Leave the second largest bedroom in the house empty for the bulk of the year despite being able to put it to good use? Or would you turf her out?

I didn't do it in her first year away but I'd prefer to swap them round

Shan't be forcing anyone to do anything at this point but what do YOU think is reasonable?

OP posts:
Bellabutterfly2016 · 19/08/2018 19:30

Just to ask op, what would you do if dd chose a local university and chose to leave be at home????

That would be an Interesting one!!!!

That happend to me I went local
And lived at home. My parents house is old tho and all 4 bedrooms are just about equal in size, that's the problem with newer houses where the third and even third and forth bedrooms are boxes!

I have a 3 bed with baby on the way and I'm even worried about using it as a nursery it's so small and pokey!! We plan to move in the next 5 years tho!

Bellabutterfly2016 · 19/08/2018 19:31

Sorry typo "live" at home not leave and no idea why it's come up twice!

Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 19:32

Bella - if she'd have chosen a local uni and stayed at home then no, I wouldn't have thought of doing this. At least I don't think I would!

I'm thinking about it because her room is empty for two thirds of the year at least and he has a need for it.

OP posts:
ALemonyPea · 19/08/2018 19:33

Can you get the wallpaper again? Just decorate it the same while she’s away so she doesn’t have to get involved with that.

I’d switch rooms, especially as she is away most of the year.

MuddlingMackem · 19/08/2018 19:36

@CherryChatsworth, even when I was younger, my brother and his friends sometimes used my room to play in as there was more space, his room wasn't a box room but there wasn't much space to play, so in a way I'd always had to share it to an extent. Maybe that's why I wasn't expected to swap.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2018 19:36

She benefitted from it for all the secondary years. Now it’s your ds’s turn. She is being irrational but it’s hard to let go sometimes.

Can you get the silver birch paper or wall art again or something similar for the other room?

Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 19:37

I have said that I will make the room how she wants it - within reason of course

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/08/2018 19:37

Yup! I'm the older sister....had the biggest room... Then didn't Grin

Can you present it as - your DD will always have a room... Just not necessarily this one! Your house will remain her 'home' as long as she needs it...
BUT mum has spoken re room allocation...

It is completely unfair that younger kids never get to have biggest rooms!

theymademejoin · 19/08/2018 19:38

We turned ds1's into a study when he left. Both dh and I regularly work from home and as the other two dc make a complete mess of their desks in the actual study, we wanted another room with a desk. Ds still has a bed in the room and did complain briefly, particularly as he's home every weekend due to sport commitments. Tough.

I'd give it to ds. Mind you, I still feel hard done by my brother getting a room over 2.5 times the size of mine just because he was a year older.

MrsBartlet · 19/08/2018 19:39

Yanbu! We did this when dd started university as her bedroom was 50% bigger than ds's and there was no way I was letting that sit empty for two thirds of the year while ds made do with a smaller room. I explained it to dd by saying she now had 2 rooms and both added up to more than she had had previously Wink We redecorated both bedrooms to make it nice for both of them. Dd actually prefers her smaller bedroom now.

I was the eldest of 5 and when anyone left for university everyone moved up a bedroom.

BlueBug45 · 19/08/2018 19:44

Your daughter is being selfish. She isn't there most of the year. As long as she has somewhere to sleep when she comes back then she should stop moaning. I would decorate her room how you like unless you intend for her to live with you until she is 35.

Oh and when I went to uni my mum wanted to store so old furniture in my room, so I said go ahead as there was lots of space and I wouldn't be there most of the year. She was surprised as we didn't get on.

KindergartenKop · 19/08/2018 19:44

Tell her that it's in her interests to swap because when she returns from uni you'll charge more rent for the bigger bedroom.

As another second child I agree that the eldest shouldn't always get precedence and better stuff. Are you the eldest child op?

Thesearepearls · 19/08/2018 19:45

YANBU

We had this argument because I did feel it was a bit unfair to DS who uses his bedroom to work in. DD won the argument (she so often does) so her bedroom went unused for a large chunk of the two previous years

EdisonLightBulb · 19/08/2018 19:47

I'm not sure, DS left for uni and DDs room was a single but decent clever fitted furniture meant she has a desk, chair and fitted drawers and robes so stayed where she was. Three years later he came back, she went away to uni. Then he went away to work for eighteen months then came back to save for a house.

She's graduated now but staying in uni town for a year then coming back to save for a house.

I guess he will be gone in the next year, for good this time. He has a deposit saved now. She will then move into his room. But only now, age twenty four and for good.

I don't think I would swap rooms until she was gone permanently. Treat him to fitted furniture if you can.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 19/08/2018 19:48

My parents were in clearing out my stuff and redecorating my room the weekend after I got dropped off for Freshers' Week Grin

When I came home to visit I had a sleeping bag on my sister's bedroom floor. I didn't mind - I didn't live there any more.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 19/08/2018 19:48

Her room sounds lovely ...and she’s very happy for him to use the desk while she’s away...you could turn this to your advantage, he keeps his bedroom but also has a study. Win/win.

MumW · 19/08/2018 19:49

Green - rite of passage isn't it? Oldest child gets the biggest bedroom available unless extenuating circumstance
I'm the oldest and I didn't get the largest room. Was always a bit resentful

SlothMama · 19/08/2018 19:52

It's only fair why should she keep the big room, she's hardly there!

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/08/2018 19:52

I think you should swap with your ds why do you need the larger room ?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 19/08/2018 19:56

Turf her out immediately! DS needs space for a desk etc. Let her moan

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/08/2018 19:58

I had hardly left the street to go to uni and one of my brothers was in my room! They did begrudgingly give it back after I graduated but really didn't want to. To be fair as an adult I can see if going to waste (the the rooms my brothers had were tiny compared to my room) but I didn't like it.

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/08/2018 19:58

I had hardly left the street to go to uni and one of my brothers was in my room! They did begrudgingly give it back after I graduated but really didn't want to. To be fair as an adult I can see if going to waste (the the rooms my brothers had were tiny compared to my room) but I didn't like it.

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/08/2018 19:59

I had hardly left the street to go to uni and one of my brothers was in my room! They did begrudgingly give it back after I graduated but really didn't want to. To be fair as an adult I can see if going to waste (the the rooms my brothers had were tiny compared to my room) but I didn't like it.

Enko · 19/08/2018 19:59

DD1 doesn't even have a bedroom in our house. She has a futon in her youngest sisters room. She is happy enough with that. Knows that she is not here enough for her to occupy a room over her siblings.

Original poster
CherryChatsworth · 19/08/2018 20:00

Marvel - ah there's always one utter fool isn't there in a thread? You win on this one.

OP posts:
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