To be mad and disappointed with him

[hersandhis]

Basically we have a six week old. I'm on maternity leave. DH works 8-5 Mon-Fri.

He's never done an entire nights worth of feeds. He's done one half a night and for a few days while he was on paternity he took LO in the morning so I could sleep in.

Now he's back at work. I don't expect him to do the nightfeeds whilst he's working but thought it would be nice if he did one night once a week, maybe on a Friday. This hasn't happened.

Last night, (Saturday) I was so utterly exhausted I struggled to hear my LO crying in the night and he was literally right next to me. DH heard him and just kept nudging me throughout the night to get me to wake up. I also a dodgy belly in the night and was sat in the toilet for god knows how long.

We were supposed to be visiting family this morning. All of us. DH literally couldn't wake me up this morning. He went downstairs with LO at 8:30am and was trying to wake me up for an hour and a half. Bearing in mind we were supposed to be leaving at 10am. I didn't go in the end because I didn't have time to get ready and I still had a poorly tummy. So DH went with LO without me. They were gone 2-3 hours.

Tried talking to DH to explain that I feel like I'm not getting enough help and support from him and all he said was 'I gave you a lie in this morning and went out with LO to give you a break and that's you not getting enough help and support?!?'

Um. No. You didn't give me a lie in. I wouldn't wake up. You kept trying to wake me up because we were supposed to go out.

You didn't go out with Lo to specifically give me a break as we were all supposed to be going.

Just infuriated me.

There's so many other little things as well but this is so long already so if you managed to get to the end

Well he failed on night two with the feeds

Beyond me why that would make you smile.

@Wallywobbles It didn't. That
Smile was one of sarcasm.

Ah. I see. I've been where you were but without the step kids. Don't envy you at all. Mine was ok with DC1 but 100% shit with DC2. V small age gap. He's now exh. He was abusive and an alcoholic so not the only problems.

"Well he failed on night two with the feeds"

what a surprise!

Yes, we are all shocked. Not.

Stunned. Didn't see that coming. Much.

Is he being at all contrite about his attitude to you now that he can't even manage to do what you do for 2 nights?

I think you should emphasise that you do expect him to do 2 nights every week at the weekends. If he can't do that, he needs to support you a lot more (e.g. taking baby early morning, giving you time to nap in th evenings, doing the 'until midnight' shift) because you're doing it every night and it's much, much harder than going to work 5 days a week.

I would be so utterly put off and disgusted if I had to tell my dh that he needs to step up as a parent. My ds is a terrible sleeper and even though I am a sahm he still does the night shift twice a week. I take one night a week to sleep in the spare room to fully recharge. Does he think you are on a jolly being on mat leave.

It's awful. But he needs to do one night a week. He seems to think that he can work 5 X 8 hour days and you should do 24/7 with the baby! I would suggest he is responsible Saturday night and you don't make plans to go out Sunday morning.
You need to nap whenever you can in the day. It's not a great help because it's just more broken sleep when really what you need is a good night's unbroken sleep. Always keep in mind, the awful nights don't last forever - but you could still have weeks/ months to go ( or years if you're really unlucky). You and your OH are going to be tired and ratty. It's sort of how it is. But you need to see yourselves as a team and look after each other, not enemies or in competition.

And in other news, the sky is blue.

It only remains for you to decide what you want now.

And in other news, the sky is blue.

It only remains for you to decide what you want now.