Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

[user1485342611]

I was in a restaurant and a mother with a baby aged about 10-12 months and in a high chair were at a table near us. The baby was playing happily with a plastic toy when the mother suddenly dropped her spoon on the floor. He thought it was funny and gave a happy squeal. So the mum kept pretending to drop the spoon to make him laugh. The problem was that each time the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon.

This went on for ages and people were turning around and giving her annoyed looks and two women at the table beside them moved away.

AIBU to think she was being really inconsiderate and that this went beyond just a bit of happy playing and strayed into noisy and disruptive behaviour (from the mum, obviously, not the baby).

I had this on Saturday night. It was a restaurant that brings out lots of little plates over the time you are there, so not a lot of spare room on the table, and mum had her just about walking toddler standing on the table and making her squeal by trying to get her to 'dance', with mum standing up as well. She was actually singing the fucking hokey pokey to try and get the kid to do it. The squeals were getting to the point that only dogs could hear it. Restaurant owner came over and said 'GET DOWN NOW!' Precious mummy pouted and said 'but she's just having fun'. Owner said 'no, she's annoying, and you either put her in high chair or go away.' Rest of restaurant applauded.

There is a particular breed of parent in South Dublin who does this kind of thing...
Those piercing shrieks physically hurt me. But if you dare say that you're accused of being a child-hater because it's 'just a baby' and 'only playing'. Still annoying. I HATED working in Blackrock because the mums and their darlings wrecked my lunchtimes.

YANBU, OP.

Personally, I would have said something to the mother rather than inwardly seething.

Same goes for people who give children a tablet or phone as a babysitter and don't turn off the sound or use headphones. Unacceptable and so so selfish.

Restaurant owner came over and said 'GET DOWN NOW!' Precious mummy pouted and said 'but she's just having fun'. Owner said 'no, she's annoying, and you either put her in high chair or go away.' Rest of restaurant applauded

Brave person! I do fearfor their reviews now though.

It's awful the way some of these bloody parents hold restaurants to ransom like this. 'Say one cross word about my child and you're going to be trashed on Twitter/Menupages wherever.

It's a pity restaurant owners can't think of some way of countering this, because it's unfair on them and it's unfair on other customers who have to put up with this shit.

More people would be happy that the manager did something about the racket. Who cares if one self-absorbed mum gives a bad review?

And I wouldn't want to eat somewhere that allows shoes on tables - vile.

Who cares if one self-absorbed mum gives a bad review?

Because it's never just one. It snowballs from there. These people have they herds of equally entitled and crazy mothers.

That's the problem. The parent will give a heavily edited review putting themselves totally in the right and a load of indignant and like minded parents will come piling on to support them.

For all you know it was the first time that baby made that noise and the parents were enjoying it. The sound of a baby being happy is the last thing I could give a shit about.

I do keep mine well behaved and quiet in public but really? Getting het up about this? A friend of mine lost their very small baby this week. She'd love to hear him squealing in a restaurant.

Brave person! I do fearfor their reviews now though.

I don't think he would be too worried. It's a new chain of restaurants that have opened over here and they are fully booked ages in advance, for several sittings per night. They have absolutely fantastic food, great value for money and seem to have hit the demographic exactly right. We're usually there once per week at the moment, and I notice a lot of the same faces each week.

@Scientistic as sad as your friend's situation is (and I am really sorry, hope they will be ok) it has no bearing on this.

For all you know it was the first time that baby made that noise and the parents were enjoying it.
Well, doesn't mean everyone has to "enjoy it" with them.

@MidniteScribbler that's great! Chains are often less fearful when it comes to this. I envy that sometimes😂

The dancing on the table thing does sound like exhibitionism tbf. And I HATE accusations of “performance parenting”; rife on mumsnet, if someone so much as talks to their child instead of looking stony faced and bored (like I imagine some bitter performance parenting accusers must look ).

scientistic

That puts things into perspective and you’re so right.

Scientistic

If you or your friend would like some support regarding the terrible bereavement, the Bereavement board is very supportive

user

Most people can read between the lines. I had to stop having meals with some of my friends when mine were little because they'd allow all sorts of shenanigans in cafes. As a mum of young kids, and even more so now, I'd take complaints with a massive pinch of salt.

Ugh, this reminds of the parents I sat next to on the tube. Roughly a year old baby, that they were entertaining by "dropping" so he could grab onto the overhead bar.

Except every time they "dropped" him, his shoed feet swung right in my face. I naively assumed that my visible start back and flinching would be enough to make them stop, but instead had to actually point out to them that it wasn't really a fantastic idea of entertainment.

Losing a child is terrible and of course doesn't compare to a rude parent creating a racket.

But neither does it mean that parents fortunate enough to have a lovely healthy baby can do what they like in public shared spaces, regardless of impact on others.

@MidniteScribbler that's great! Chains are often less fearful when it comes to this. I envy that sometimes

Yup they're pretty awesome. You pay $32.80 Australian (about 19 pounds) for a two hour slot and you can order as much Japanese food off the menu during that two hour period as you like.

Thank you @notagainyoda.

I agree parents can't do 'anything they want' in public with their baby. Running riot etc. This just doesn't sound like a big deal to me. I am not saying you can't be annoyed by it. But, I would save my energy to be annoyed by something else. How does anyone know what that family are going through? How does anyone here know that their child is perfectly healthy and fine? Mine looked fine at 10 months but wasnt in the slightest (he is doing ok now). How does anyone know that that mum hasn't just had some awful news and was revelling in some happiness? I don't know, I am just saying don't sweat the small stuff I guess.

I am probably not in the right frame of mind to discuss this, I know that, but I find this thread a really sad one to read.

Thank you for the well wishes everyone.

I don't have anything to add to this thread other than to thank the first poster to mention 'performance parenting'; I hadn't heard of this as a way to describe these noisy, inconsiderate parents who constantly have to narrate every single move or expression their child makes, to anyone within a 100m radius, whilst laughing and generally being loud, braying idiots.

In that situation I would have to drag my distressed self harming 12 year old out of the cafe probably getting hurt myself in the process. This sort of behaviour isn't a trivial thing to some people.

I'm quite noise sensitive and this sort of squealing actually makes my ears hurt. On two occasions, we've asked to cancel our order in pubs where there have been people encouraging toddlers to screech to a point where it makes it impossible to relax.

Both times the offending parents were asked to stop the noise or take the toddler outside until they've quietened down "because they're disturbing other diners". You get black looks from people, but I don't give a shit because when we're paying £50+ for meals and drinks, I think we're entitled to enjoy it.

We avoid places that sell themselves as "family friendly" and are thankfully blessed with a DGD who loves her food so much that she wouldn't dream of doing anything other than eating!

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar I don't think it depends on the class of restaurant as to whether this is acceptable but it does depend on the general noise level. If it's a very busy place playing loud music it'd be less noticeable than a quiet tea room. That said I think it would be more obnoxious in a michelin star restaurant as people might have saved for years to go to it so the experience is likely to be more special to them than going to Pizza express.

That said I'd be hard pressed to find a restaurant that was noisy that a screaming baby wouldn't be annoying.

Performance parenting love it. I often see these mum's going round Tesco loudly interacting with their kids just so you notice them never knew there was a title