Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

[user1485342611]

I was in a restaurant and a mother with a baby aged about 10-12 months and in a high chair were at a table near us. The baby was playing happily with a plastic toy when the mother suddenly dropped her spoon on the floor. He thought it was funny and gave a happy squeal. So the mum kept pretending to drop the spoon to make him laugh. The problem was that each time the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon.

This went on for ages and people were turning around and giving her annoyed looks and two women at the table beside them moved away.

AIBU to think she was being really inconsiderate and that this went beyond just a bit of happy playing and strayed into noisy and disruptive behaviour (from the mum, obviously, not the baby).

Most DC I see eating out are really well behaved.
Of course they are. Just like most neighbours are lovely, most relationships are goos and nurturing, most people are polite and considerate etc

The reason 'loud parent allowing child to misbehave / mother encouragjng hee baby to shriek/ neighbours being a nightmare / so and so is being rude' threads exist is because there's a minority of people who aren't polite and considerate, which is irritating for the majority.

But the point is Maisy for the relative amount of annoyance DC in restaurants cause there are a large number of threads on MN about the subject.

I'd guess because if different people see it and get irritated then a % of them will start a thread.

I went to the supermarket yesterday and had to contend with a couple of kids on stupid heely shoes whizzing around being a bloody nuisance. I reckon i see kids using supermarkets as their play area every other time I go. It's inconsiderate and annoying, but the handful being a PITA aren't as common as the vast majority in the supermarket behaving at any one time. I just haven't started a thread about why I think people who allow kids to whizz around shops in heelys should be asked to leave

It's lovely that the mother wanted to entertain her child, but why couldn't she do it at another time or place? Surely the child doesn't get incited to screech at every single meal. She could save this activity for once daily at home and do something less annoying when in cafes.

YANBU
Totally unreasonable behaviour. I would have had to say something along the lines of "I can see you are both having fun, but the noise is really intrusive now. Do you think you could stop it, please?"

I don't think so maisy there is an undercurrent that they don't have a right to be there/ should be seen and not heard.

Well, I'm glad you didn't intervene to stop the "ghastly" experience of a happy baby.

I think this is one of those "only on MN" things. Babies are part of human life, and babies' happiness is one of the best parts. If you will go to a place that allows children, children will be there and make child sounds and it's on you to go somewhere that doesn't if they are a problem for you - yes antisocial behaviour is another thing but babies are not capable of antisocial behaviour, making a bit of noise is part of being for them and they don't know any better.

If I saw a fellow mum or dad this excited at such behaviour I'd probably wonder whether they'd been worried about the baby before that or something, and if someone "confronted" the mother because the happy baby noises were ruining their knickerbocker glory I think a lot of people would think them a mean-spirited ninny, I suspect this is the real reason they don't do it.

there is an undercurrent that they don't have a right to be there/ should be seen and not heard.
I've not seen that at all really

As lots of people have said (me included):

• happy baby, not an issue
• baby gurgling etc, not an issue
• parents talking to babies at a reasonable level, not an issue
• children in restaurants, not an issue
• parents talking to children at a reasonable volume, not an issue
• children in shops and any other public space behaving properly, not an issue
• baby is upset and parent is trying to soothe the baby and calm it down, not an issue
• child is having a bit of a tantrum moment or has behaved poorly and the parent is dealing with it, not an issue.

... but

• baby shrieks so mum continually does the same thing to make the baby shriek in a a restaurant, not ok
• people who allow their children to charge around cafes, not ok
• parents who allow their children to whizz around shops on heely shoes, not ok
• parents who allow their children to treat any and every area as a playground, not ok
• parents who do nothing to challenge their children being disruptive, not ok
• parents who actively encourage their children to be loud, not ok

Then worse you get the obtuse responses like 'you lot are miserable because you think nobody should ever speak to a child ever. Why are you all so annoyed at the idea of a baby even being happy?' Or 'but kids re kids' as if somehow the norm for children is to be loud, rude and inconsiderate (reality is not the case, but nice way to set the bar low for those children). Or the best one on here 'if you don't like the noise, leave' because obviously the world has to cater towards people who choose to enable inconsiderate behaviour.

If you say so Maisy. In terms of 'if you don't like the noise then leave' I reckon that would have been applied immediately to the restaurant situation I had last night because they were adults. I'd have been a miserable Fecker for being negative about them having fun. We all do stuff that irritates other people - if you find people annoying they probably find you annoying as well but rubbing along together as best we can is the meat sensible plan generally.

Teateaandmoretea
If the adults were being more noisy than is reasonable for the situation then they were being rude.

The onus shouldn't be on considerate people to leave situations because others wish to be inconsiderate.

I shouldn't have to move seats on a train because some idiot want a to have a loud 'hello I'm on the train... yeah can you tell Bruce to fax those documents and I can pick them up...' chats.
I shouldn't have to leave a supermarket because a partner has chosen o allow their children to treat it as a play area.
I shouldn't have to leave a restaurant because a mother is actively encouraging her baby to shriek (not the baby's fault - Its the mother's lack of consoderation).

People can have fun without being rude and inconsiderate to others. It's how most of us manage in life.

As usual and as I predicted at the beginning of this thread, we’re arguing at cross purposes. I know the points you are arguing maisypops. And as I’ve said a few times on here it is ultimately impossible to know whether the mother in the op was being a pain or not as we weren’t there and it’s really difficult to convey the noise levels / annoyingness of the whole thing to people who weren’t there to see it. I have never personally had a situation where happy noises from a baby became aggravating. But that’s not to say it couldn’t happen. That’s why I was fairly open minded at the beginning of this thread.

Then came all the nasty, negative assumptions “I know EXACTLY what this woman was doing- she was treating her baby like a toy... she thinks everyone wants to hear her and her baby when we really don’t... As if I could have said anything to her irl- even staff in these establishments daren’t approach these parents, for fear of a rude and hostile response...”. Not from the op, from people who weren’t even there, so have even less idea what the woman was like.

These threads always invite comment from people who seem to enjoy getting outraged. And all too often it’s outrage at parents and young children.

I’m all for keeping children in check when they’re being antisocial, but this just doesn’t sound that irritating to me. Again, who knows as I wasn’t there? But then if I don’t know, neither do any of the other posters on here as they weren’t there either.

So, as I said right at the beginning, these threads are always hard work!

SaoirseTheSeahorse
Aren't people just emphasizing and drawing on their experiences? Some comments were nasty, others musing about why someone might not challenge or politely ask someoen to quieten down are quite true (I've politely asked a child to excuse me move out the way in a shop (because they were too busy treating it like a play area, not that I said that) and the response of the mother was priceless mouthing off 'who are you to tell my child to move!' followed by lots of huffing and puffing to her mate about 'daft fucking snobs who hate kids' and why I couldn't have just waited instead of being impatient etx. If that's the response a polite 'excuse me can I just get through' gets having already waited a minute or 2 trying to find a gap in play, I'd hate to directly ask someone to shut up.

Aren't people just emphasizing and drawing on their experiences?

Otherwise known as exaggerating and projecting? The thing that bothers me about these threads is that some people really seem to enjoy the bloodsport. Especially when it’s a mother with a young baby “showing off” how happy they are. It stinks frankly.

And no, it certainly isn’t every poster, but there is a significant minority who think mothers are fair game if they are just too darned conspicuous in public.

Empathising even

We don't know if the mother was showing off or not because we weren't there.

But we know there is a type of showing off parent who loves to make a big fuss about what an awesome parent they are (Which is why performance parenting exists as a concept).

I really don't think it's people thinking mothers are fair game for being conspicuous. Even if I've not always agreed with posters, I've generally taken it as 'people have an issue when people are loud, rude or inconsiderate and part of that includes parents who engage in loud and inconsiderate behaviour'.
Being a mother doesn't give someone free pass to make as much noise as they like.

But primal People are different aren't they? Can't you just rise above it and get on with life confused?

So you never, ever silently judge people for behaving outwith socially acceptable behaviour? Well done you - that's commendable.

"but this just doesn’t sound that irritating to me."

But it will be to some people. The sound will be downright distressing for some people and they matter too. If a child is doing it without encouragement it can't be helped. If they are doing it because someone is encouraging them to do, that person is being very inconsiderate. They are forcing other people to leave because of their chosen behaviour.

So a baby making happy noises is downright distressing to some people and this woman should have known this? Even though to at least some (most?) people it isn’t even worth remarking on?

If she doesn’t know, then how does she know to stop it? And if nobody tells her because “she might be rude to me” then what is she expected to do to avoid a slagging off on here? Read everyone’s mind?

Many people are very sensitive to the sound of other people eating. I think there is a word for it and yes, they would find the noise (I believe) “downright distressing”. Have you ever eaten in a public space? Didn’t you know you might be causing a portion of the people around you distress?

Saoirse

The reason it is sometimes good to start a debate about things like this (or people shouting into phones on public transport; using wind chimes in their garden; letting dogs bark outside throughout the night etc etc etc) is because it might cause some people to stop and consider their behaviour and realise that something they thought was okay can actually annoy a considerable number of people.

I have approached people before and got rude, hostile or dismissive responses. It makes me less inclined to do it again. You may find that pathetic, but there you go.

I don't think it takes much thought to realise squealing is a distressing noise to some. It is hardly an unknown one.
I could encourage my child to make all sorts of loud noises and bang loudly on things when we are out but I don't because at the very least it is obvious it is annoying to other people. He may make noises by himself but that is not on purpose and so not the same thing - just like eating noises usually aren't.

If your 12 year old is trying to bite a chunk out of your arm because of the noise, you can't go over and say something.

So a baby making happy noises is downright distressing to some people and this woman should have known this? Even though to at least some (most?) people it isn’t even worth remarking on?

It's really simple.
Normal happy baby noises - fine
Shrieking and squeeling - fair enough babies make those
An adult in a restaurant CHOOSING to repeatedly wind the baby up to get the baby to make loud noises and showing bugger all consideration to those wanting to enjoy a meal - not ok and showing zero consideration to anyone

It seems to be:
Most people - yes that's annoying really a fellow adult with an ounce of common sense and manners should have realised that repeatedly winding a baby up to shriek is quite rude and inconaiderate to others in the restaurant
Minority - OMG you lot have an issue with a baby being happy. I bet you want to harvest their souls and turn them into a trifle which you can place at the altar of misery to ensure that no child or baby ever has a happy feeling again

(Bangs head on table)

maisy

You are the one being deliberately obtuse and massively oversimplifying now. At what point have I said anything about the op or anyone else “not liking babies”? I’ve specifically kept the debate to her (and others’) opinion(s) on the mother, as that’s what the op asked.

OMG bangs head on wall

Argh *table, not wall

So you never, ever silently judge people for behaving outwith socially acceptable behaviour? Well done you - that's commendable.

Cut the sarcasm. I take a look at myself and try to be reasonable when I do it. Cos I just find my life is easier if I rub along with others foibles and all in general.

It's interesting the adults shouldn't disrupt others stuff. I agree but anyone who suggests that playing thumping music at 12am on a Saturday night in a residential area is unnecessary is usually on MM called all of the party poopers under the sun. That I absolutely hate and can tolerate far less well than some annoying woman with her baby in a cafe.

I wasn't being sarcastic.

I agree but anyone who suggests that playing thumping music at 12am on a Saturday night in a residential area is unnecessary is usually on MM called all of the party poopers under the sun

That's utter bollocks. The usual line is call 101.

Not on MN search the threads...