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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

353 replies

user1485342611 · 19/08/2018 14:20

I was in a restaurant and a mother with a baby aged about 10-12 months and in a high chair were at a table near us. The baby was playing happily with a plastic toy when the mother suddenly dropped her spoon on the floor. He thought it was funny and gave a happy squeal. So the mum kept pretending to drop the spoon to make him laugh. The problem was that each time the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon.

This went on for ages and people were turning around and giving her annoyed looks and two women at the table beside them moved away.

AIBU to think she was being really inconsiderate and that this went beyond just a bit of happy playing and strayed into noisy and disruptive behaviour (from the mum, obviously, not the baby).

OP posts:
SaoirseTheSeahorse · 19/08/2018 16:16

These threads are always hard work op, as it’s impossible to convey the exact noise level. Maybe it was really annoying, maybe it was just a baby laughing. We don’t know as weren’t there.

If it was really loud and screamy, then yanbu.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 19/08/2018 16:17

Believe me, it was loud and screechy. I was not the only one turning around and, as I said, two women near them moved to another table.

OP posts:
SoozC · 19/08/2018 16:19

I wear hearing aids too, anything too high-pitched (which I can hear better than low noises) can cause my aids to feedback. My DH has commented sometimes when I wince that even he could hear the feedback in my ear, so it's loud!

I'd have to say something in a restaurant. It's lovely to hear babies laughing, but screeching/screaming in an enclosed space (or even outside, like in the playground at school when I'm on duty) is too much.

hmcAsWas · 19/08/2018 16:23

We had a squealer in a restaurant today. It was piercing. I decided to put up with it as it goes with the territory in Pizza Express. Might have been less forgiving in a more formal environment though.

Although I gamely tolerated it - it was not a pleasant experience and I was mightily relieved when the family left

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 19/08/2018 16:29

Yanbu, this happens so often, parents don’t realise that everyone else is not delighted to listen to the squeals of their off spring in public or their electronic devices and are often oblivious to the irritation they cause when they run around in restaurants late in the evening

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 19/08/2018 16:29

If my death stares didn't work I would have complained to the staff. If they wouldn't speak to her I'd have walked out. A laughing child in a restaurant is ok, a screaming one isn't, especially when the idiot of a parent is encouraging it.

W0rriedMum · 19/08/2018 16:33

Worse than performance parenting is the parents who let the kids watch iPads without headphones in public - planes, restaurants, cafes.. If I wanted to listen to Peppa Pig while having my dinner, I'd eat at home!

spiderplantsgalore · 19/08/2018 16:36

This is what is wrong with the world now....if it bothers you that much you should have said something at the time.

What's wrong now is that if café staff say anything they're likely to be criticised on social media.
And you get the MN threads about how intolerant and child-hating the British are if people object to what is not normal noise but inappropriate behaviour.

starzig · 19/08/2018 16:39

YABU. you were supposed to find her child just adorable.

DeathByMascara · 19/08/2018 16:43

Oh God, my son has one of those screams that make bats fall out of the sky and it’s mortifying. I do my best to stop it, but it’s a tantrum scream and the more I try to stop it, the worse he gets.

Spotify · 19/08/2018 16:44

Attention seeking mum using baby to get herself some attention.

pasttimes11 · 19/08/2018 16:53

i think it's obvious it was very loud and screechy for the op to have been bothered by it, also others were bothered too. I'm sure if it was just a baby laughing it wouldn't have grated.

Who the hell wants to hear loud screeches (encouraged by silly mother) while they're relaxing in a cafe. I hate loud screeches, it actually makes my ears hum, and i don't understand why anyone would encourage their baby to do it.

It's that lack of awareness and inconsideration of others that's the problem.

JumbleJamba · 19/08/2018 16:59

It was performance parenting, it's rife these days I'm afraid. We are all supposed to worship everyone's little angel, and pat the parents on the back for being so fucking marvelous.

I see these accusations of 'performance parenting' a lot on Mumsnet. It's such a miserable, joyless, made up thing. So a parent is besotted with their child and is interacting with them, maybe a bit loudly or oblivious to the world around them. And you reckon they think you are watching and are performing for your benefit? They aren't. They couldn't give a shit what you think. It's not about you. You've made it up in your weird, bitter head.

SaoirseTheSeahorse · 19/08/2018 17:03

I see these accusations of 'performance parenting' a lot on Mumsnet. It's such a miserable, joyless, made up thing. So a parent is besotted with their child and is interacting with them, maybe a bit loudly or oblivious to the world around them. And you reckon they think you are watching and are performing for your benefit? They aren't. They couldn't give a shit what you think. It's not about you. You've made it up in your weird, bitter head.

Yes exactly this^^!

SlowlyLosingWeight · 19/08/2018 17:04

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NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 19/08/2018 17:08

Oh god YANBU. My brother in law does this with my niece and nephew. He seems to think as long as they’re not crying they’re not a nuiscence Hmm.

There’s lots of tickling and and going BOO and roaring like a lion and the kids wind themselves into a state of frenzy. Dniece once chucked her dinner up because she got so hyped up.

The weird thing is that if either of them tantrum they’re whipped out quick smart to go calm down even though the tantrumming is probably bloody quieter.

ALongHardWinter · 19/08/2018 17:11

Unfortunately I witness this sort of behaviour all too often. I just don't understand why some parents think it's funny to wind their little darlings up to the point where they are practically hysterical,and annoying everyone around them. Years ago I had a family living in the flat underneath me who had a newborn baby when they moved in. As the baby got older,his father used to think it was funny to keep imitating the noises that the child made,therefore egging him on to do it more and more,getting louder all the time. It as extremely irritating,especially when he did it during the night when the baby woke up. Angry

ALongHardWinter · 19/08/2018 17:17

Pasttimes11. I hate loud screeches!it actually makes my ears hum.
I thought that it was only me affected in this way! I get it from ambulance sirens,smoke alarms,screeching motorbikes..... Anyone I've mentioned it to doesn't seem to understand what I'm talking about.

idonthaveatattoo · 19/08/2018 17:18

It wouldn’t bother me either tbh.

Rebecca36 · 19/08/2018 17:29

Weird mother! Once was surely enough.

Happygummibear · 19/08/2018 17:31

Must admit we took 1 year old to a restaurant. Went early so as not to interfere with evening diners. Mine started chatting very loudly. I was embarrassed and frantically trying to get them to be quiet... but baby hasn't mastered inside voices yet. Ended up plugging with a dummy so we could finish up. The staff were fine.

Honestly taking a little one out to sit down for an hour without moving was stressful I won't be doing it again soon.

The mother should not have encouraged the squealing but tried to find another way to entertain the child. Even from a young age they should be taught how to behave in a public area and to respect people around them... even if they don't comply

JessicaJonesJacket · 19/08/2018 17:41

Jumble yy I completely agree with you about performance parenting. It always seems to be aimed at mums and is used to criticise any type of interactive parenting in public. It's mean-spirited.

OP you seem quite certain YWNBU so I'm not sure why you're asking.
There are occasions where I've moved table in a family restaurant because DCs nearby were noisy. I've also moved because adults nearby were noisy. But, sometimes DCs are loudly having fun and I smile indulgently and don't move. It all depends on the situation, the noise level and my mood.

bsbabas · 19/08/2018 17:44

The sound of a child's laughter shouldn't piss you off

IKnowItsTIMHONKSTIMHONKS · 19/08/2018 17:47

You lot on here think anyone engaging with their child in public is performance parenting. There's a middle ground you know between ignoring your kids and performance parenting. The woman probably went a bit overboard by the sound of things but to assume she was performance parenting is a bit excessive. What's wrong with enjoying and encouraging your kids? Why does it have to be labelled performance parenting?

AlphaBravo · 19/08/2018 17:49

Op were we at the same place for lunch? I nearly threw my tea at the woman I saw doing this today.