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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother encouraging her child to scream in restaurant

353 replies

user1485342611 · 19/08/2018 14:20

I was in a restaurant and a mother with a baby aged about 10-12 months and in a high chair were at a table near us. The baby was playing happily with a plastic toy when the mother suddenly dropped her spoon on the floor. He thought it was funny and gave a happy squeal. So the mum kept pretending to drop the spoon to make him laugh. The problem was that each time the laugh got more and more high pitched and in the end he was literally screaming with excitement every time she went to 'drop' the spoon.

This went on for ages and people were turning around and giving her annoyed looks and two women at the table beside them moved away.

AIBU to think she was being really inconsiderate and that this went beyond just a bit of happy playing and strayed into noisy and disruptive behaviour (from the mum, obviously, not the baby).

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 20/08/2018 17:40

So you obviously said something ? Oh no, you didn’t .....

Seriously what is the point on coming on here and complaining after the event. You had the opportunity to tell her politely to stop encouraging the baby’s noises. You missed it. It should be a lesson in assertiveness for you

CripsSandwiches · 20/08/2018 17:54

Screw that, I'm not the OP but I shouldn't have to go round telling people to be considerate and remind them of how to behave in public. If you do this all the time you'll end up getting in arguments and having your meal ruined even more.

Retrocolour85 · 20/08/2018 18:00

Surely it depends on the restaurant!? I mean if it’s Nandos then chill out, if somewhere more formal then yes maybe you’re right to get peeved. However having a child now has changed my view on this - i wouldn’t be actively encouraging her to squeal louder in a nice, grown up restaurant but I’ll be damned if I’m going to tell her to shut up equally. Children don’t perform for adults...be quiet when we want and then loud when we want. They have a voice too and are just trying to use it. Like I say really depends on the setting but Nando’s or Pizza Express and the ta fair game I reckon 👍🏻

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/08/2018 18:04

Far too many halfwits assume “family friendly” restaurants means their kids can treat the place as an adventure playground, rather than the reality which is that they just offer a kids menu and highchairs.
I stopped having someone round for coffee when she couldn’t understand why I objected to her toddler being allowed to run riot upstairs (she was the only child in the house, all mine and her older ones were at school) because she’d decided downstairs was “boring”.
The clown actually argued with me - ah, leave her, it’s fine, there’s no medicine stored up there, is there (!)?
Actually thought my 12 year old dd wouldn’t mind a random toddler rummaging through her stuff?

user838383 · 20/08/2018 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/08/2018 18:08

Why do you think people in Nandos want to hear your kids squawking, Retro,
I think you’ll find it’s just as unwelcome there as anywhere else.

MaisyPops · 20/08/2018 18:09

They were rude.
If you want to play loud squeely games don't go to a restaurant. Simple.

Babies squeal and make noises, fine. Only a really bitter person would expect a baby to be silent. A certain amount of giggles and girls goes with the territory, ditto crying.
But just like you'd soothe a baby or nip outside if it was crying a lot, you would also not encourage squealing.

This mother will probably be the type in time who thinks that giving their toddler an iPad and no headphones in Costa is perfectly acceptable (and would be obtuse and reply to anyone objecting on mumsnet soemthing like oh I suppose you're all perfect parents are you? It's an EDUCATIONAL app anyway and generally miss the point that what people object to is the lack of headphones and inconsiderate.)

See also, why shouldn't my child run around cafes because they are just being children? And but I don't understand why people think we should ignore our children and be depressing... I was only having a conversation with my Florentina about whether she could remember the Mandarin words for different food items whilst holding the whole queue up and then letting her precious DC count each coin out in latin slowly for even more attention (even though nobody has suggested ignoring your child at all. They'd just like to order their coffee without a front row view of your 'I am awesome' show)

silvercollie · 20/08/2018 18:12

Well, I would have pointedly walked out of the cafe. It is not acceptable in a small public place to allow a child to scream its head off. This poor baby was being treated like a toy.

CripsSandwiches · 20/08/2018 18:16

Retrocolour85

I totally agree babies don't perform for us, they squeal when they want and cry as a form of communication. I wouldn't necessarily even attempt to quiet my baby down BUT i would remove it from a restaurant even Nandos or pizza express if it was so loud it was disturbing other customers.

Eveforever · 20/08/2018 18:16

I love babies and I wouldn't say I'm particularly sensitive to noise, but I've heard some babies making some incredibly annoying and headache inducing squeals and screams in public. I don't want to listen to noise like that when I'm eating, that doesn't mean I hate children. I do expect children to make noise, but I don't expect parents to encourage them to make noises in cafes and restaurants. I also don't particularly want to have to ask the parents to parent their children. I'm out for a drink or a meal, not an argument.

Retrocolour85 · 20/08/2018 18:27

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/08/2018 18:31

Yes, Retro, it does. Ten minutes of squealing when I’m trying to chat / listen to other people at the next table would do my head in.
It’s absolutely pig rude to imagine everyone else should just get over themselves; your child has the right to screech for ten fucking minutes if it wants to.
Have you no bloody manners at all?

Retrocolour85 · 20/08/2018 18:32

So if someone has a child they lose all right to ever leave the house?!

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 20/08/2018 18:32

YANBU original poster I experienced something similar in "Bills" child about 3 behaving perfectly well until mother started some daft game with him that also got him shrieking and laughing loudly. She was the problem quite frankly the other patrons, around her looked pissed off clearly most didn't really want to hear high jinx it's a restaurant not a private dining room at home.

Strongmummy · 20/08/2018 18:33

@crisps, no you absolutely shouldn’t have to say anything, but unfortunately there are inconsiderate dickheads in the world. Therefore if something is annoying you, then say something!!

MaisyPops · 20/08/2018 18:34

I just think it’s about context and personal threshold. I’ve absolutely taken my daughter outside when she’s needed to be calmed but does 10 minutes of a child laughing/squealing in a family friendly environment really matter in the grand scheme of things!
Yes. Because the context is a restaurant where others are trying to eat, socialise and screaming/squealing isn't for that context.

Plus, it's a whole attitude. The attitude of that mother is 'what I want to do with my child is by far more important than all the other people here who are in a restaurant expecting a restaurant environment'. Aka. I'm so special and me and my child are exempt from basic manners.

Retrocolour85 · 20/08/2018 18:34

And seriously in the context of everything else happening in the world if you can’t gift a child the chance to laugh...even for a shocking 10 minutes then I can’t say much more to convince anyone!

I hope that conversation was that important!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/08/2018 18:35

No, Retro, you pick up the child and walk outside until the performance is over. As many times as necessary.
Look around you next time you’re out. There are parents doing it all around you.

TedAndLola · 20/08/2018 18:35

So if someone has a child they lose all right to ever leave the house?!

If someone has a child they have to be a parent. Part of that is not allowing your child to screech in a restaurant.

YupThatsMe · 20/08/2018 18:36

A mum was letting her child squeal happy squeals, that's wrong?

What has the world come to.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/08/2018 18:36

But you didn’t say laugh, you said squeal. There’s a difference for most people?

OftenHangry · 20/08/2018 18:37

So if someone has a child they lose all right to ever leave the house?!
Obviously not🙄 But the fact that someone has a child doesn't mean others have to get headaches. No one minds few minutes, but this kind of noise going for a long time is just not acceptable.
It's all about understanding that there are other people around

MaisyPops · 20/08/2018 18:38

Cross posted with this
So if someone has a child they lose all right to ever leave the house?!

Nobody is saying people with kids shouldn't leave the house.
They are saying that as a polite and reasonable adult you don't encourage loud games in inapprorpiate places.

You aren't one of those people who'd say: But what's wrong with my child using a tablet? when people as obviously irritated at the lack of headphones and full volume rather than the existence of a tablet?
Or
so people are saying you should never have an educational conversation with your child? Should we all ignore our children and stare at our phones? when it's obvious that nobody cares about normal chatter as they are complaining about very loud and inconsiderate chatter.

Sweetsongbird1 · 20/08/2018 18:38

Define ages op because I hardly think it was going on more than ten mins or fifteen or may be it was thirty mins? Or the entire duration of the meal say one hour ??

CripsSandwiches · 20/08/2018 18:38

So if someone has a child they lose all right to ever leave the house?!

No they lose the right to remain in a restaurant if their child is being too loud. Surely everyone knows when they have a baby they might need to leave a restaurant sometimes if their child is being too loud? I didn't get an uninterrupted meal out for 3 years with my first as he was just a wriggly loud baby/toddler.

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