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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's happened to having a bit of pride in yourself?

498 replies

daffodil10 · 18/08/2018 19:11

I am genuinely asking this question out of curiosity not being inflammatory but I will no doubt be accused of this in typical mnet style! Anyway here goes-

I don't understand why some women are so proud of the fact that the first thing they do when they get home is to take their bra off and put pjs on.

A) I don't have time as when I get in from work there's stuff to do.
B) why would you want to sit there with everything dangling about

I think it is much better for your state of mind to have a bit of pride In Yourself, to wear a bit of makeup, clean clothes, brush your hair etc. On another note if your bra is so uncomfortable you're wearing the wrong bra!

OP posts:
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SecretWitch · 19/08/2018 01:35

Dude, I take my bra off on my way home from work. Into yoga pants and tank top, hair up..bliss.

SecretWitch · 19/08/2018 01:37

@Oliversmumsarmy 😂😂

FantastikRik · 19/08/2018 01:45

LOLZ

GrandTheftWalrus · 19/08/2018 01:56

Do an 18hr shift then say I shouldn't put my pjs on or take my bra off

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/08/2018 02:13

My husband does this (well, not the bra bit, obviously!) - I find it slightly irritating because, as others have said, he'd effectively proclaiming that "that's it, day's done, no need to go out again". Except sometimes he does have to go out again, if the kids need to be picked up from after school activities or whatever. He then has to get dressed again.

I don't equate it to "having pride in yourself" though - that's just judgemental bollocks (you can call it "opinion" if you like, it's still judgemental bollocks though).

Maybe if DH went out in his slobaround clothes, then he could be accused of having "no pride in himself" - but he absolutely wouldn't do that. And I couldn't care less what he looks like around the house (aside of decent) - I only care that he's not ready to go out immediately if anything should happen that would require that.

So yes, YABU for being judgemental about what people wear in their own homes and equating it with self-pride.

Stupomax · 19/08/2018 02:28

I never wear a bra. No need.

Greenyogagirl · 19/08/2018 02:32

Are you fully made up, hair done, wearing agent provocateur whilst you sleep too?

1forAll74 · 19/08/2018 02:34

its quite funny reading all this, re bra off,or change into jamas etc.. I notice this a lot with the youngie working mums here,, it good I think, the way to go with Mums with busy lives,

I am an oldie now,,but years ago.many years ago, I was a SAHM,with two children, husband with good job,me at home doing everything, which I liked,. So in the evening,when my husband came home, he had nothing to do,but chill out, But I used to get changed into something nice ish, put my lipstick on,and serve up our family meal, then two hours later, when the children went to bed, my then husband sat in the sofa, read the paper for a while, and fell asleep every night at about 9pm.

I Do take my hat off to all you working Mums these days, you should take off your bras,and do whatever you like in your homes. chilling out,does not mean you have lost pride in yourselves..

SummerIsEasy · 19/08/2018 02:37

At the age of 59, I take my bra off the minute I get through the front door. Being old, sbsolutely no-one except me cares what I look like these days.

When I go to work, I wear a bra and put make-up on so as not to frighten anybody. Once I get behind my own front door, social norms no longer count.

My DH of 35 years does not notice, no one else matters.

ALongHardWinter · 19/08/2018 04:07

I hereby award my first MN Biscuit

FASH84 · 19/08/2018 07:03

I didn't get the relief of taking a bra off until recently. Until pregnancy I was fairly flat chested and would wear lacy crop tops or bras never with an underwire, that were really more for decoration or stopping my nipples showing through a top than support, so I'd wear mine until bedtime. Not any more! These things are so bloody restrictive I'm undoing them as I walk through the door. I have more on my mind than whether my makeup is flawless and I look presentable for DH, this sounds like the advice from a fifties housewife book, do you prepare DH a cold aperitif while the dinner it's cooking and only ask about his day, because you wouldn't want to bother him about the trivial feminine nature of yours, too??

Silvercatowner · 19/08/2018 07:13

OP you have been brainwashed by the male perception of what females should be like, itself underpinned by misogyny.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 19/08/2018 07:20

I'm proud of myself for getting debt free, for being bloody good at my job, for being able to run 15k.

I don't feel the need to express that pride by wearing makeup or getting dressed up when I get home from work.

vampirethriller · 19/08/2018 07:31

I live alone, do I still have to keep my bra and makeup on?

youarenotkiddingme · 19/08/2018 07:33

Great post All74

People should be absolutely proud of what they achieve. Clothes are just for covering up the bits you don't want others to see!

I'm also really relieved to find so many on here who 'lounge clothe' like I do! You always wonder when hour out and about and see these make up wearing nicely turned out people (and you've made an effort to feel good - I don't wear make up though) whether - like me - the minute they get home it's swapped for comfy!

Life's too short for worrying about the small stuff. I can be a great mum and manage my home whether in jeans or lounge pants.
Truth is - I enjoy it more in lounge pants.

I'm another who doesn't sleep in my pjs

letsgomaths · 19/08/2018 07:53

Jammies! Jammies! I want my Jammies! But I have to put some clothes on for the day ahead, even if it is Sunday today.

I wear jammies as soon as I'm home from work. A friend of mine (also jammie-minded) does too; her 12yo DS bought her this gift to go with the jammies, and he keep trying to persuade her to wear it more often. Perhaps it's handy if mum can't see!

What's happened to having a bit of pride in yourself?
Missingstreetlife · 19/08/2018 07:55

Don't most people change their work clothes if possible, I don't want to cook and do cleaning up in them. Depends what you wear all day

bananafish81 · 19/08/2018 07:56

I am an oldie now,,but years ago.many years ago, I was a SAHM,with two children, husband with good job,me at home doing everything, which I liked,. So in the evening,when my husband came home, he had nothing to do,but chill out, But I used to get changed into something nice ish, put my lipstick on,and serve up our family meal, then two hours later, when the children went to bed, my then husband sat in the sofa, read the paper for a while, and fell asleep every night at about 9pm.

This sounds like something out of the 1950s Good Wife's Guide textbook

http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/historical/Good-Wifes-Guide.html

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

I actually agree that if you have to take your bra off, you're not wearing the right size.

I don't have to take my bra off, but it's surely not beyond the wit of (wo)man that wearing no bra is more comfortable than even the most well fitting bra, surely?

Seems like for many people PJs are shorthand for lounge wear rather than the clothes you actually sleep in? That makes more sense!

On MN where it's supposedly grim to change your sheets any less than every other day and wash your towels once an hour, and a toilet brush is a hanging offence, but showering twice a day is a criminal waste of water - it seemed a bit puzzling that so many people would get into PJs straight from work and cook / eat dinner, do stuff around the house etc, then get into bed wearing the same PJs. Though you never know with MN decrees!!

nicebitofquiche · 19/08/2018 08:01

I don't get the taking bra off thing. Although I do sometimes put pyjamas on when I get in (at about 7 o'clock) if I've been uncomfortable at work in my formal work clothes, I always keep my bra on. I find it very uncomfortable not to wear one. I agree that if people find bra's to be uncomfortable they are wearing the wrong fit.

bananafish81 · 19/08/2018 08:16

I agree that if people find bra's to be uncomfortable they are wearing the wrong fit.

I've been fitted for umpteen bras at Bravissimo, but I can't get my head around the idea that a bra could be completely undetectable - that you'd have no idea you were wearing one. A bra doesn't have to be uncomfortable for it to be less comfortable than taking it off.

Same as joggers and a slouchy top can be more comfortable than a tailored shirt and trousers. The work clothes don't have to be uncomfortable for it to be more comfortable to curl up on the sofa in your lounge wear!

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2018 08:28

I agree that if people find bra’s to be uncomfortable they are wearing the wrong find.

Not true. Some of us have chronic pain.

Anyway my dd asked me last night if she could sleep in her jersey dress as it is like a night dress. She got up this morning and said “technically I’m ready and dressed as I’ve done my hair”. You see that’s us, we were so moved by ops thread that we decided to be ever dressed females Smile. To add to that dh (and the dog) don’t own night wear so that’s a full house of dressed individuals. You won, op you won.....not. 😬

daffodil10 · 19/08/2018 08:41

Sorry I've been to busy to answer I was busy setting my hair and applying my face before providing husband with a full cooked breakfast - NOT.

I've been up since 5am working outside on the farm with bra on!!

OP posts:
Topsyshair · 19/08/2018 08:46

Banana I totally agree. I'm most comfortable naked, but that doesn't mean that all of my clothes are uncomfortable.

My shoes are comfortable, especially my trainers, but I'm more comfortable at home in my slippers or bare feet.

nokidshere · 19/08/2018 08:59

Dude, I take my bra off on my way home from work

Haha I take mine off in the car sometimes on the way back from places

Skyejuly · 19/08/2018 09:01

No way would I refresh my make up and outfit before my Husband comes home!

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