Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

He shouldn't have said but I would have silently judged you. There is no need to drink alcohol when pregnant it's only nine months

Alas OP, the one thing that drinking in pregnancy definitely does is lower the IQ of people who don't want you to do it. Judging by most of the MN threads on the issue anyway.

"Excuse me, they are both vegetable extracts..."

Please op back away from the marmite. (Sorry couldn't help it)

I had a few drinks when I was pregnant and breast feeding my now rudely healthy 3 year old. All with in the suggested 'guidelines'

There is a lot of contradicting info out there and a ton of personal opinion thrown into the mix. IMHO I think if you've done the research and had your questions answered. Feel free to use your judgement.

Kick back enjoy a drink, have that brie or rare steak occasionally.

I believe that we need to keep open minded regarding guidelines and not abuse or even push them. But also remember that these guidelines differ across the world and even change frequently in the UK. When I was pregnant runny eggs were a no no but are now ok. For example.

OP that gent was bang out of line and all I can say really is be prepared for the mum shaming. And sadly, it looks like it's already started for you.

take care and happy and healthy last trimester. congrats to you and hubs x

i'll leave you all to your wine's with your dinners,

Much obliged, we are.

Great psych analysis Savanah, except you're wrong. Truly sorry for everything you've been through, I'd post my own story (scarily similar to yours) but I'm sure you'd just write it off as an attempt to one-up you. But I stand by what I said - you're young, there's a lot you haven't learnt yet, and in this instance you're wrong. And quite frankly my digs at your age and inexperience pale in comparison to the way you and flatpack accuse us of being drunken losers who don't care about our kids. Perhaps you could try listening and learning from us older women instead of writing us off as uneducated idiots. We've been around the block a few times, we know a thing or two about a thing or two. And we all remember being young and thinking we knew everything. One drink is not going to harm a baby in the third trimester, having a pop at us isn't going to change that.

Massive tone change, I know, but now I'm pissed off and tired of being treated like an idiot. I get enough of it in real life, I don't need it from a fucking teenager on MN and her cheerleader. I'm out.

Everyone I know (myself included) would have had the odd glass of wine here and there throughout the 2nd and 3rd trimester (not the first)

Aye, it's impossible to be able to realise when someone's talking shite about scientific evidence on alcohol consumption and also be teetotal. Does Not Compute. This soft drink I thought I was swigging must really be vodka.

you bitchy mothers are going to 'defend' your drinking no matter what anyone says, but id be ashamed if I was you. i'll leave you all to your wine's with your dinners, because your lack of care to them unborn babies is highly disgusting and really selfish, and extremely annoying, I feel like I'm going around in circles.

You might want to check your grammar before attempting the intellectual high ground. It’s possible that the reason that you feel as if you’re going around in circles is that you’ve entirely failed to evaluate your judgement against any kind of evidence-base. Thus your startling argument of ‘it’s bad cos I said so’ is failing somewhat.

This thread is absolute comedy gold, it’s brilliant. I definitely agree that the OP is completely unreasonable to have a drink (within the medical guidelines that has a wealth of evidence to prove it is completely safe) and indeed she should take some cocaine and ecstasy instead as the risks are clearly the same. Also agree that she has a massive alcohol problem, alcoholics that I have known definitely only consume half a cider with a meal Never mind once she takes up the class A drugs she may find she can give up the alcohol.

When I was working in drug and alcohol detox I never met any hcp who thought fas was caused by small amounts of alcohol during pregnancy

Taking a bit of MDMA if cocaine is far more likely to cause a problem to an unborn baby than half a cider . Anyone comparing them is quite frankly stupid

@BlueBug45 has it completely right.

@ASatisfyingThump where have I once said "drunken losers" so don't you feel silly, i've said its disgusting that you would all force your choices onto your babies, and pose a risk (even if it is only a small risk) and I don't post my "whole story" because its kinda' no ones business but my own, but I can GUARENTEE that I've had enough 'life experience' to make me 'learn' and I can safely say I don't need to learn anymore. so that's taught me enough about life. I'm sorry that I will forever put my child first, and do everything necessary to make sure she is happy and healthy.

And we all remember being young and thinking we knew everything.

It's a shame the superior knowledge in this instance doesn't cover how to treat other people with respect, or the concept of listening and engaging with different people.

OP I think you've gathered that it's judgey here too.

I think it's personal choice a few friends had wine (a glass) in the last 2 months or so of their pregnancy, SIL had a toast at our wedding when 5 months... Personally I'm not drinking in my pregnancy but some of that maybe because I can't stand the smell!

If it's small amounts then it's your choice, French women still have small amounts of wine when pregnant, my mum was advised to drink half of Guinness when pregnant with me so can garentee anyone over 20 your mother's would more than likely drank!

i've said its disgusting that you would all force your choices onto your babies, and pose a risk (even if it is only a small risk)

I’m probably wasting my time as you've Entirely ignored all of my previous questions but i’d Love to see your evidence for this ‘risk’

I can safely say I don't need to learn anymore

Good grief, I don't think that's ever been true of any human, anywhere, ever.

Why do you think it's acceptable to project your anger at how the adults in your life let you down onto random strangers about whom you know approximately nothing?

Because it's a really shitty way to treat other people, and will only bring more anger and misery into your life.

Op this thread has made me laugh.

savanna no one but you thinks you are the oldest here petal!

you won’t be 19 and free for long why don’t you get out it’s saturday night!!

Flat

Hilarious

savanahXx if you are going to do a google search for alcohol more damaging than heroin maybe read the results. Both links are talking about the same research and looking at the impact on the whole of society. Heroin and cocaine are more harmful to an individual whereas alcohol has a greater impact on society. This looks at hospital usage, accidents due to being pissed. That has no relevance to half a cider in pregnancy and to think it does shows you lack of critical thinking skills.

Op yanbu the man talking to your partner about you would have mightily pissed me off and i wouldn't have been able to keep quiet!

You'll notice I referred to both you and Flatpack? She didn't say losers, granted, but it was implied. She did accuse all of being drunk though. As I said, my story is fairly similar, and I can tell you (from experience) that you are not done learning. Not by a long chalk. The fact you think you are is both sad and silly.

Boilin

Hang in in there and keep posting. Mumsnet is s great way to help you sift who you want to mix with post baby and who you avoid like the plague.

@Veterinari "Until fairly recently, moderate amounts of alcohol consumed during pregnancy was deemed to be relatively safe. However, guidance produced in March 2008, by the health watchdog NICE (the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence), recommends that it is best for pregnant women to stop drinking alcohol altogether, especially during the first twelve weeks of pregnancy." that doesn't say don't drink just before 12 weeks? and "The risks are greater the more you drink. The effects include learning difficulties and behavioural problems." < that's on the NHS, again, does that say 'only drinking excessively can cause these'? no it says the risks are greater the more you drink, they wouldn't say the risks are greater if there was absolutely no risks what so ever.

i've said its disgusting that you would all force your choices onto your babies, and pose a risk (even if it is only a small risk)

Risk is all around us. There is no such thing as a risk free action; ergo any choice that you make is “forcing that risk” on your unborn child. Did you travel in a car while pregnant, for example? The risk of sustaining a life ghreatening injury in a car accident would, I suspect, be significantly higher than the risk of the foetus developing FAS after a couple of halves of cider.....

AlpacaMajor and AlpacaMinor are both at Russell Group universities now. Despite their mummy daring to have a glass of wine with dinner a couple of times a week. Do grow up FlatPackwhatever your actual nn is.