Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

@BakedBeans47 had a very healthy bank balance for once I turned 18, invested wisely, and have money, also I've already said I've had jobs? I never liked any of them, I also went to college, oh and also did an apprenticeship, didn't like any of it, so i didn't feel the need to carry on doing something I wasn't happy with anyway when there was absolutely no need, I have a social life? I'm sorry that it only includes family, or OH's family, but its a very big family, so i really don't mind, I think I'm going to do a marvellous job with my child, so other peoples opinions don't mean squat

savanah

No you are completely and utterly right on all points.

But get some help

cheeseOnToast

@Karyatide if you knew the nature of my childhood, I think you'd understand a bit better, those who actually know find that I've turned out remarkably well! I wish those who don't know would also see that, but I also know you don't know me, or anything about me so I can understand why you don't see it. I'm also planning a move out of the area, neither me or OH want our baby being brought up in this area, because we want to give her what we wasn't given as children, and give her amazing opportunities. I'm sorry that you don't agree with the fact that I don't want a job, I was servilely unhappy working, and you might see it as I've done nothing to earn my living but I have, I had no choice but to have a shitty childhood, and in return, the government thought that I should of compensated for that. I could of been a dickhead like a lot of other 18 year olds and use the money in a really bad way, but I didn't, I was extremely clever with it, so having a job or not also shouldn't define whether or not I'm good parent, and I know a lot of young mums in Bolton, and they are beyond vile, id rather not mix with them, you also don't need to apologise, maybe I got the wrong end of the sick

@SavanahXx working is a part of adult life. Even if you hate your job you persevere until a better one comes along.
Excellent work ethic. You're 19 and you've had jobs (plural) and hated every one of them.
You hate education.
So you decided to have a baby instead.

You're relying far too much on your partner. If he takes off what will you be left with?
Not much I bet.

You live life in a sheltered bubble, it's frightening.

And again, the superiority complex comes out. You're no better than those mums.
Having a baby for a house is fruitless, the demand is high and the supply is low.
Again, if you chose to actually research things instead of dripping arrogance and casting aspersions, you'd be much better off.

I think I'm going to do a marvellous job with my child

As I said above, I do hope so but I do think there are massive red flags in your posts which may impact on your life as a parent. Although I’m only an “oldie” who’s had kids of my own, and suffered anxiety too, still I guess I thought I knew it all at 19 as well.

The denial in the thread as a whole, Holly. Sorry I was unclear.

My 'one-off' media article was chosen for several reasons:

• it could be easily accessed (many studies feature limited public access) and easily followed;
• to illustrate the phenomenon of denial by use of reference to the problems encountered when smoking was revealed to be a serious health hazard;
• to illustrate the fact that 'moderate' drinking is in the eye of the beholder and very much a cultural concept;
• to make the case for cultural acceptance for no drinking in pregnancy;
• to suggest that this is an uphill struggle in a culture that is very accepting of alcohol consumption, and
• to suggest that advice to abstain can go a long way towards preventing the sort of confusion and ambiguity that prevails and results in damage.

Public health advice is not tailored to each individual citizen's case. It serves a different purpose from advice dished out by your individual HCP. It is there to prevent avoidable risk. In the case of smoking, not everyone who smokes for forty years will get lung cancer but the advice to cut back or if possible to stop altogether still holds.

There are clearly risks to every human activity, but as Skunkatanka posts - there are lots of small things that can be done to lower the risks, aren't there?
Why would a parent deliberately add one?

We know there is a risk. Much that has been written on this thread has issued from people immersed in a culture that accepts a high level of alcohol consumption as a norm, who are therefore not prepared to accept that there is a risk (as discussed in the article from OZ).

Contrary to the assertions of several posters here, it should not be assumed that women are all equally capable of making up their own minds about the risks - there is a difference between clear evidence of no harm and scant evidence of harm but this distinction is clearly not understood.

Wow so we have a bit of a kid with no job or future prospects lecturing mums choosing what to do with their own bodies to make them self feel that bit more superior? Should have guessed

@karyatide i don't hide from the outside world, when I go out, I go to nicer area's but that's not great for everyday, all the unnecessary travelling just because I don't like the area I live in, so I stay in? when the little one is here I wont live in Bolton, so it wont be an issue?

@dontbesillyhenry spot on.

Fancy a duvet day tommorow. Anyone else who isn't quite feeling the work thing- just stop...apparently it's an option now

I can't stand to read every sentence with a question mark at the end like it's a question but it isn't?

Mathanxiety

I think most adults haven’t bothered replying to your posts as they can actually understand that half a cider isn’t harmful to a foetus.

It really is that simple.

@dontbesillyhenry because its the worst thing ever that someone doesn't actually have to work isn't it, oh no my opinion is that pregnant people shouldn't put unnecessary risk on their unborn babies, that is my opinion, not said it to make myself feel 'superior' its just my opinion

Hello to the spokesperson for most adults!

Glad you are here on this thread. Everyone else can go home.

Not rtft but I think developing anxiety in pregnancy is pretty common, especially if you’ve previously had a miscarriage? My first pregnancy I developed OCD (cleaning) , wouldn’t touch a drop of alcohol, eggs, steak, deli meats and pre packaged salad, I wouldn’t go long without eating, even if I wasn’t hungry, would check the hygiene ratings on all establishments I ate in.
My first born has ASD
My second pregnancy I drank occasionally, ate all the above, I still had OCD , but I was much more relaxed.
My second born is fine.

I don’t think there’s a link & that’s the point- if something tragic is going to happen to your unborn baby - disability/ miscarriage, there’s no controlling or preventing it.

@dontbesillyhenry it is an option if you're financially stable, which I really am, sorry that you have to go to work, and I'm sorry that I am not forcing myself to go get a degree to have a job that I hate when I don't have to.

God my 19 year old is working full time at Starbucks before uni in sept. She finds it incredibly boring too but sticks it out as she’s been brought up that way.

She too has major money in the bank after a compensation claim for multiply serious injuries suffered aged 12 and has a house she rents out.

She’s suffered from severe anxiety and ptsd but she’s a bloody little grafter who is determined to work, not have handouts and to get her degree.

She’s also modest, unassuming and listens to us. Incredibly proud of her.

No not everyone needs to go home just the patronising bores.

@SavanahXx what you define as a risk and what medical professionals (highly educated, extensive training!!!) define as a risk are 2 completely different things.

I know which opinion I'll listen to.

@dontbesillyhenry i wish you wouldn't of started with petty opinions, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not working if you don't have to, and I understand that's frustrating for people who have to work their arses off, I know many people in my family that have worked their arses off till they were old. and I sympathise with them.

my opinion was a valid one, one about forcing your choices onto your baby, but yours was just quite unneeded about not having to work. there was kinda no need

@SavanahXx too much anxiety during pregnancy also carries risks to the baby. More than a single glass of cider does. The way you are living is not normal and you need help. Just saying.

@SavanahXx just because you don't have to work doesn't mean you shouldn't.
Especially at your age.

You're resigning yourself to a pretty sheltered life. Once your baby has grown and flown the nest (will come around a lot quicker than you think) what will you do with your days?

It'll be hard to get work - no experience for 18+ years.

Or do you plan to keep having kids? You know, like the other mums do to get houses?