Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

@SavanahXx you’ve misunderstood again I’m afraid. No one has said your child will actually be less privileged because of your age. What we said was that is what most data of the subject suggests. As you are obsessed with telling everyone about the risks they are taking with their babies lives (with no evidence or irrelevant news articles to back up those claims) I thought I’d throw it right back at ya. Statistically your child is at bigger risk of negative outcomes than a child whose mother has had half a cider in pregnancy!

"Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon. It'll just knock over all the pieces, shit on the board, and strut about like it's won anyway" - Anonymous.

please show me proof of these statistics, I would really love to see them, who has actually proved that my child would be at a 'bigger risk' than someone who's mother has half a cider

SavanahXx - do you really mean "my child" or do you mean a child to a teenaged mother?

also no one has shown me proof that 1 unit of alcohol is 100% safe
suddenly I don't feel like the 'stupid one' anymore

If SavannahXx had more knowledge, she would know that it's not possible to prove a negative. However, on the balance of probabilities, it is highly unlikely that just one drink will cause damage (given that no one has yet been able to prove that).

On the other hands, the risk to children of having a very young parent has been proven statistically.......

@myrtleWilcon well my child is a child to a teenaged mother? so yeah, I meant my child

@myrtleWilson* my bad

Savannah as Nutkins said above. , I'd link you proper research regarding outcomes for children of teen mothers, but judging on your previous posts, you would not understand it.

people are very weird around pregnant women and alcohol. A small glass of wine or a half lager isn’t going to do any harm. I remember going to a pub when I was heavily pregnant. Work colleagues went up to order drinks. I went to get mine and the barman (owner of pub) said “ oh you’re not drinking, what’s it to be, a J2O (fruit juice) or something like that? I was shocked that he thought he could refuse me a drink. And I did end up with fruit juice! I also got told off by a work colleague for having a prawn cocktail starter on our Xmas night out when I was pregnant. I thought she was joking and laughed, but she was deadly serious. People kind of think they own you, when you’re up duffed

@prettybird if you read the comments, people have said "1/2 cider will not cause harm to OP or her baby" not "its is highly unlikely that drinking half a cider will cause harm"

@IhatetheArchers please link it someone, please show me that a young mother poses a bigger risk to her child than a mother who decides its safe to drink?

No point, you wouldn't understand it.

@IhatetheArchers no, please do, then I could happily agree with you.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/524506/PHE_LGA_Framework_for_supporting_teenage_mothers_and_young_fathers.pdf

There you go savannah. A beloved public health publication that outlines all the risks including

Children in poverty
63% higher risk for children born to women under 20
Incidence of low birth weight of term babies
21% higher risk for babies born to women under 20
Smoking status at time of delivery
Mothers under 20 are three times more likely to smoke throughout pregnancy
Infant mortality rate
56% higher risk for babies born to women under 20
Breastfeeding prevalence at 6 to 8 weeks
Mothers under 20 are half as likely to be breastfeeding at 6 to 8 weeks
Maternal mental health (placeholder)
Mothers under 20 have higher rates of poor mental health for up to three years after birth
Child development at 2 to 21⁄2 years
Parental depression most prevalent risk factor for negative impact on poor child development outcomes
Rates of adolescents not in education, employment or training (NEET)
21% of estimated number of female NEETs 16 to 18, are teenage mothers.

Now I’m not for one moment suggesting to a stranger on the internet who happens to be a mother at 19 that her child will have any of these outcomes. That would be silly, just as it would be silly to suggest....oh wait.

I've not mentioned anything about teenage mothers. Let me just state that whatever I've said previously I'm not about to ask not to be judged for drinking half a cider then judge all teenage mothers collectively. I was pregnant as a teenager and had a miscarriage. I would have kept the baby otherwise. My life would likely be a lot different now however I'm not about to start lumping all teenage mums in to one group.

@SavanahXx the research does state that teenage mothers face much higher risks and rates of complications during pregnancy and also afterwards but not knowing anything about you or your circumstances personally, nobody can tell you that you are one of these mothers. I don't think anyone is trying to tell you this. I think what people are trying to say is that statistically you are actually pretty high risk.

@Boilin I haven't said that you have personally jumped on the bandwagon about young mothers, but a few of the other people have, I'm literally just trying to state to all those who have been saying "there's no risk to a baby if you drink 1 unit of alcohol" is wrong, because there is no proof that it is 100% safe and there are 0% risks involved. surely you can't argue with that? and I'm extremely sorry to hear about your past MC, they are beyond awful.

its all good showing me statistics on being a young mother, but I asked how its possible that young mothers are at a higher risk than someone who drinks in their pregnancy, I don't even think anyone has done a study like that, so kinda' impossible right? so you cant exactly say that a young mother's child is at a higher risk than a child to a mother who drinks, because again, nobody knows do they?

Anyone had a craving for beer in pregnancy? As an almost tee-totaller before pregnancy (maybe a glass of wine every six months), all I can think about now is a crisp, cold beer.

I buy non-alcoholic, though although it's not a patch on the real stuff.

I would probably raise an eyebrow if someone pregnant had a regular drink, but to be honest, I'd never care enough to say anything.

Smoking is a different matter though.

@SavanahXx - no, but a young mother is statistically higher risk than someone who has had half a pint of cider in their third trimester. This is common sense, it's obvious, even if it doesn't really prove much...

@SavanahXx for the zillionth time there is no direct comparison between women who drink lightly in pregnancy and teenage mothers. You can easily conclude from studies and the data we have on the two separate subjects there is less risk to light drinking in pregnancy than there is to being a teenage mother, becasue that is what the conclusions of studies on the subject show. No one would argue that drinking half a cider is 100% risk free, beacause very few actions we take as humans and particularly in pregnancy are 100% risk free if you break it down ie. taking paracetamol. The point is that adult women calculate which particular ‘risks’ they are willing to take based on what the evidence shows, and partly their personal opinions. You know that it’s very unlikely your child will have worse life outcomes beacause you are 19 (based on your personal opinions) and I know it’s very unlikely my child will have worse life outcomes because I’ve had a few drinks in the 2nd & 3rd trimesters (beacause that is what data shows).

@Boilin id actually say there's a lot of older mums that are far worse off than a younger mum, so I wouldn't say its common sense? the NHS website says they don't know how much alcohol, if any is safe while pregnant. so actually, if someone did their research, it could turn out that there are risks to drinking, even if its only a sip. so I think its bang out of order for people to say that being a younger mother is statistically a higher risk than someone who has a drink, because they obviously haven't done the studies to prove whether or not alcohol is dangerous??

Argh! I'm out. I'm done arguing with stupid!

it could turn out that there are risks to drinking, even if its only a sip

Humans have been consuming alcohol for thousands of years, it's not a new thing. We would know by now if "one sip" posed a risk to pregnancy. No study, and there have been many, have shown any risk or detrimental effects from moderate alcohol consumption. Even actual alcoholics are not guaranteed to cause harm to their children. Give it a rest

because they obviously haven't done the studies to prove whether or not alcohol is dangerous??

No, they say to avoid as it’s the 100% risk free option. I totally agree that it’s sensible public health advice because lots of people can’t count units. For the the zillionth time, What evidence overwhelmingly shows is that there is no known neg outcomes associated with very light drinking. So some women chose to go by this rather than NHS advice.

@Lazypoolday if you was right, then the NHS would state that it's safe to consume even 1 unit of alcohol, but they don't because as it already says on the NHS website "Experts are still unsure exactly how much–if any–alcohol is completely safe for you to have while you're pregnant, so the safest approach is not to drink at all while you're " where in that does it say "experts have said there are no risks to moderate alcohol consumption"

so please, don't try and tell me to give it a rest when there has been no proof that it is 100% safe.