Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

If I saw a pregnant woman drinking beer or cider I would just assume it was alcohol free. Amazing how people feel free to jump in without knowing facts. And even if it was alcohol, none of their business. I don’t think alcohol and nicotine are compatible with pregnancy but who am I to say so?

The advice that it is best to avoid alcohol when pregnant was given because some people are too thick to be able to read proper evidence-based medical advice and understand it, or too thick to be able to judge how much alcohol they are having. So to cater for those people, some advice has said it’s best to avoid alcohol.

There is no evidence to say that small amounts of alcohol cause any harm to babies, especially after the early stages. People who are literate and intelligent enough to read and understand things properly can infer from the evidence what the risk is and act accordingly as they see fit.

savanah you are exposing your child to risks - as people have already said, being the child of a teenage mother is sub-optimal. Also, you seem very ill-educated, both in your grammar (“you are” is “you’re” not “your”; it is “you were” not “you was;” you don’t “put risks on” a baby, etc, etc) and also in the very obvious way that you don’t understand things that you read, and then you wrongly use them to argue a point against people who do understand things, but you still think you are correct and superior to them.

You might want to improve on this so you can teach your child to avoid the mistakes you make, which are making you look foolish.

You are the most difficult type of person to argue with - somebody who thinks they know everything and has evidence to prove it, but is actually too stupid to understand any of it.

You are the most difficult type of person to argue with - somebody who thinks they know everything and has evidence to prove it, but is actually too stupid to understand any of it.

^ this.

He was wrong to say anything, but nine months really isn't that long to err on the side of caution

1 cigarette is unlikely to cause your baby any problems either and nor will one short journey without a seatbelt. Why would you risk it?

I guess he addressed your husband as he saw you'd made 2 bad choices (eating in Whetherspoons and drinking when pregnant) so though he might have better luck talking to your "partner".

Boilin
@mathanxiety because there is no risk! You must be absolutely bonkers to think that half a pint of cider drunk over an hour in your third trimester is going to cause FAS

So will you be tempted to give your baby a spoonful or two of cider (you could choose sweetened or unsweetened) if he or she gets colicky in the weeks after birth? Or could there be some harm to that?

Is this still going? I wonder how many people realise that your body, or at least the bacteria in your gut, naturally produces low-levels of ethanol? Are people suggesting pregnant women should give up eating for 9 months?

I forgot to say when I go into one of my local restaurants with my OH, if he orders a shandy and I order a soft drink nearly all the European staff hand me the shandy. There as if he orders beer and I order a soft drink we get what we ordered. In other words guidelines for pregnant mothers aren't the same around the world and it illustrates how the same research is interpreted in different countries.

That guy was a dick for the way he dealt with it, and especially for talking to your DH instead of you, but I would have been silently judging you too. It’s not that hard to just not drink, I should know, I’m 38 weeks pregnant. I just don’t see the point, why risk it?

I just don’t see the point, why risk it?

What is the 'point' in drinking when you're not pregnant?

And as people have said, really repeatedly, they don't think it is risky, so there is no issue with 'risking it', any more than with crossing the road.

I just don’t see the point, why risk it?

She's having a drink because she wants a drink. She's not risking anything, it's science, medical evidence, that such a small amount in established pregnancy is not a risk

I just don’t see the point, why risk it?

I feel like this about drinking while breastfeeding but most people don’t agree so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess everyone is different.

This thread demonstrates why NHS advice caters to the lowest common denominator.

Risk analysis should be taught in schools because clearly some people are becoming parents without understanding it and therefore lacking the skills to teach their own children. Won’t somebody think of the children?!?!

(Uncreative clutches her pearls and offers a toast with a glass of wine)

Cheers!

So will you be tempted to give your baby a spoonful or two of cider (you could choose sweetened or unsweetened) if he or she gets colicky in the weeks after birth? Or could there be some harm to that?

Actually I know quite a few young babies who have been prescribed liquid ranitidine and it’s about the same strength as wine, so on that basis I would conclude that it probably wouldn’t do any harm. Certainly no evidence that cider would help with colic (aka a crying baby) though.

I just can’t imagine being so bothered about having an alcoholic drink that I would have one while pregnant. I do drink normally by the way but I’ve always said if I was told by a doctor ‘oh you can never drink again’ for whatever reason it wouldn’t put me up nor down.

Oh and I judge massively when I see pregnant women smoking - or is that okay to judge? I would never be so rude to say anything to the OP or to anyone else for that matter, but internally - yeah I’d be judging!

@reallyhopethisworksNC if you don’t want to drink whilst b/feeding that is entirely up to you, no one would say that it’s wrong, and it’s probably the best decision for your own health. However the advice to only have one or two units is quite frankly ridiculous. I’ve known women who decide not to feed beacsue they think they have to continue eating and drinking a special diet, that they can’t go out for a few drinks and still nurse. Understandable after 9 months of you body not being your own. There is no ‘risk’ to even consider as the breastmilk of even a very drunk mother would be about as alcoholic as alcohol free beer or fresh orange juice. I can tell you if men had to be pregnant and breastfeed the advice would be vastly different and probably based on actual scientific fact, rather than the notion that the mother is purely a vessel and milk machine for a baby in the months after birth.

So will you be tempted to give your baby a spoonful or two of cider (you could choose sweetened or unsweetened) if he or she gets colicky in the weeks after birth? Or could there be some harm to that?

I wouldn't be tempted because I can't understand how it would help the colic, and because giving alcohol to small babies is against the law. I don't necessarily think it would harm them to have a spoonful of cider, but I don't know if it would or not.

On the other hand, I am certain (or as certain as I can be) my having a small glass of wine in the third trimester isn't going to cause FAS.

I just can’t imagine being so bothered about having an alcoholic drink that I would have one while pregnant. I do drink normally by the way but I’ve always said if I was told by a doctor ‘oh you can never drink again’ for whatever reason it wouldn’t put me up nor down.

That's okay. Some people like alcohol more than others. Do you believe it makes you better than me, that I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine? Forget the pregnancy for a second. You seem to think being a 'take it or leave it' type is somehow virtuous. I'm not like that. I like wine. I will continue liking wine if I am pregnant, although I will - obviously - drink within very strict limits. You are no more moral than me for that.

Im horrified at you OP.

I’m horrified you posted this last night when I was looking busy cleaning and looking after a poorly child, so couldn’t wade in here

Another one here had a small glass of red or two a week whilst pregnant, drunk slowly with food, from about 18 weeks onwards. Indeed there is a lovely photo of me at dinner with friends, absentmindedly balancing a wine glass on my 38 week pregnant stomach.

I gave up cigarettes, ummm other substances, Diet Coke, rare steak, blue cheese, pate, some sushi, HIIT, changed my walking route to work so I wasn’t walking along the most air-polluted roads in London...

I had no problem making sacrifices I needed to for my baby. If id read anything in the BMJ led me to believe a tiny amount of alcohol was an issue- I’d have stopped that too. But I didn’t, on either count.

Incidentally, I had a blazing row with a bloke in the gym when I was in the third trimester because he told me i was irresponsible for lifting weights, and another with a woman who told me off for wearing heels....

People are sanctimonious dicks. Ignore.

Well you are being a bit unreasonable. You know that drinking during pregnancy is not considered safe at any levels. Therefore it follows that drinking while pregnant will make you look like a bad mother. You would have known that your actions would elicit judgement so why are you angry that the obvious happened? If you don't want to deal worth it then then drink in public. There is absolutely no need.

As the OP has said, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I’ve already said the guy who gave her a hard time is a dick - I’m just trying to explain that yes some people will judge her for drinking while pregnant but if she’s ok with that choice then why does she care what other people think? Perhaps she cares a bit more than she’s letting on?

I just can’t imagine being so bothered about having an alcoholic drink that I would have one while pregnant.

Couldn’t you equally say, I can’t imagine being so bothered about eating fish that I’d do so while pregnant? All fish contains some amount of mercury; mercury levels in newborns are strongly correlated to the mother’s fish intake; and everyone knows to avoid high-mercury fish like shark and swordfish in pregnancy, so wouldn’t it be safest just to avoid the lower-mercury fish too?

@forzaH I guess he addressed your husband as he saw you'd made 2 bad choices (eating in Whetherspoons and drinking when pregnant) so though he might have better luck talking to your "partner".

Why is partner in ""? He is my partner?

My partner was buying the drink and was clearly also in Wetherspoons as well so don't know why this would make him superior to me. Some very judgemental people on this thread! We aren't all made of money and some people have limited choice regarding where they go for a drink.

You know that drinking during pregnancy is not considered safe at any levels.

You don't know if she knows that. She might have looked at the evidence which would demonstrate that a small amount is quite safe.

@Nixen I cared about the fact that he was rude to me. I don't genuinely care so much what random strangers on the internet think, and have no issue with people having a different opinion. I do however care when the likes of Savanah try to guilt me in to thinking I'm harming my baby by posting ridiculous news articles that she doesn't understand and telling me I'm pretty much disgusting and awful even though she can barely string a comprehensive sentence together. I know, it's the internet and I shouldn't bite so much, but she riled me a bit last night. Maybe the cider for to my head eh!