Scalded for drinking alcohol by a stranger

[Boilin]

Went to Wetherspoons (I'm still there) with DP. I'm 28 weeks pregnant at the moment and had half a pint of cider with my meal. The woman who served it to me had no issue with it whatsoever, but the man stood next to me (not sure if he was slightly drunk) felt it appropriate to tell my DP that 'that won't be good for her or the baby' (hello I'm stood right here ). DP told him, 'it's fine' and told me to ignore him and the bloke then continued to discuss under his breath with his partner/friend my choice to have a drink.

AIBU to think he had no right? To think that it's fine that I had half a pint once in a blue moon? To feel pissed off with the constant judgement of my ever move since I've been pregnant?

Ugh. I've just had enough of today! Sorry for moaning...

@mathanxiety no I wouldn't give my child spoons of cider. First of all because it would do bugger all for colic and second of all because it would be illegal and pointless. Two spoonfuls or cider however would likely not harm a baby so your argument doesn't really work.

Look. I have no issue in folks disagreeing and choosing not to drink in pregnancy, but I simply just can't get my head round some of the arguments people try to use to guilt women in to thinking they are harming their baby. It's absolute nonsense and this thread has highlighted exactly why there are 'guidelines' - because to depend upon common sense would be foolish, clearly!

Everything, everything @shoppingwithmother has said.
Savannah, you need to read that post. Possibly 2 or 3 tines because that is exactly what is wrong here.

Shoppingwithmother you have written exactly what I've been thinking, but I wouldn't be able to write it as clearly as that (thanks dyslexia!). I'm not usually one to applaud and brown-nose but that post has been needed from the beginning.

Forget him. Sounds like deflection. He drinks too much so passed his guilt elsewhere. You did nothing wrong.

Sorry, I agree with him. I think it is wrong. And even if I did feel like indulging whilst pregnant, I would not do so in public. For that reason.

"but the man stood next to me"

"hello I'm stood right here"
Ugh! What is with this bad grammar on here? It doesn't even make sense when you say it in your head.
I'll see myself out

OP don't bother getting worked up because someone stupid was spouting a load of rubbish and quoting stuff that they didn't even understand.

It doesn't show our education system in a good light if people come out of schooling genuinely thinking half a cider, heroin, a cigarette and cocaine are roughly the same thing because they are 'plant-based'. That's pretty shocking.

The evidence on whether alcohol consumption harms the unborn is ambiguous - so dont understand why women take the risk. YBU to drink alcohol when pregnant he was UR to talk to your partner and not you.

@SalemBlackCat hmm. Have you read the thread? I find it interesting that you've picked up on those two sentences to point out as 'bad grammar'...

Boilin, I read your OP. That is what I was commenting on.

@SalemBlackCat ha! If you're the type that likes to mark mn posts in red biro I suggest you read the rest of this thread! Have fun

It’s a difficult one. Obviously, the only 100% safe option is not to drink alcohol at all when pregnant. But then, when I had dc1 it was recommended to have none, but if you did drink, to have no more than 1-2 units once or twice a week after first trimester. Now it’s zero and no guidance, as I think it was too open to interpretation. I imagine when my mum was pregnant the rules were much slacker. The guidance is also not to drink a drop while bfing on nhs website. They say if you must, then no more than 1-2 units, once or twice a week.

I have a lot of medical people in my family and group of friends. All of them seem to take the nhs guidelines with a pinch of salt and still had occasional drinks while pregnant and bfing. One female gp used to have quite a big glass of wine on the odd occasion when pregnant. Make of that what you will.

What is interesting to me is how nobody seems to be at all concerned when someone drinks before they know they are pregnant. This makes me think it’s more of a moral issue than a health concern? Don’t know.

Regardless, he was rude talking over you and a bit too opinionated.

This is the beginning isn’t it? Mothers are judged constantly. It starts with the odd drink in pregnancy, then it’s bfing, weaning method, co-sleeping or not, disciplining too much or not enough, children too noisy in public, why isn’t she doing something? Oh I saw this mother being so strict with her poor dcs today . A mother’s place is decidedly in the wrong 🤷‍♀️. There’s also a bit of competitiveness to it. I must do this perfectly.

I’m not saying alcohol in pregnancy is a good idea. I personally think the very occasional, small drink is probably fine, but to be 100% safe, zero is the only thing you can be sure of. Similarly for one’s own health, zero alcohol is the only safe bet. This is the guidance on nhs website too I think. There is no safe amount of alcohol for ANYONE.

It’s especially tricky with pregnancy, as they can’t ethically test on pregnant women, so I don’t expect we’ll ever know what’s safe, other than nothing.

No 'safe' drinking level
If you drink less than 14 units a week, this is considered low-risk drinking.
It's called "low risk" rather than "safe" because there is no safe drinking level.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/the-risks-of-drinking-too-much/#no-safe-drinking-level

This is guidance for everyone. There is no safe amount of alcohol*, pregnant or not. That’s why lots of young people seem to now be teetotal, which is fab imo. I like the odd glass of something but am considering going teetotal for health benefits and good role modelling for my dcs.

Ugh bold fails^^

@SalemBlackCat you also shouldn't use 'and' after a full stop, plus after 'public' you should have used ',' not '.' as "For that reason" now doesn't make sense as a stand alone sentence. Apologies, I couldn't help myself, it's just hilarious when people use shocking grammar then think it appropriate to correct yours!

@SaoirseTheSeahorse interesting isn't it. I highly doubt the NHS would even so much as mention 1-2 units if it wasn't safe, and every medical professional I know that I've spoken to has said half a cider is no problem at all, and to 'go for it'. Of course your registered gp or midwife will tell you not to drink at all, why would they say otherwise? I am much more trusting of advice from my father and his medical friends as they always tell me how it really is.

Just ignore him. It’s your decision.
Some people just can’t help but interfere. I got lectured at a checkout by some mad woman who then stormed off. Apparently my prawn sandwich was what upset her.

You missed the best opportunity to look him square in the face and say "what baby?" but yes, he was wrong.

I have no respect for f*ckwits who give unsolicited "advice" anyway, but the fact that he said it to your DH as if you were some kind of rowdy, rebellious, idiotic child would have released the Kraken

How could you eat PRAWNS senior?! J’accuse !

(JOKING obviously)

I did get harassed at work for eating peanut butter while pregnant. I had to take the person to my desk, log in and show them the nhs guidelines had changed so peanuts were ok to eat in pregnancy.

@AlansLeftMoob I am slightly regretting not saying anything to him, but glad I didn't as he was clearly a little pissed and as pps have pointed out, Wetherspoons isn't the greatest!

Nice

Sorry, that was a kudos to OP on her post to blackcat

SaoirseTheSeahorse

Someone - junior to me - tried to make me for having a Diet Coke at work, and I gave her my death stare and told her I would eat or drink whatever I wanted. She didn't do it again.

Oh yes I was also gravely warned off eating chillis. We had a vair fancy Indian restaurant booked for our anniversary in Mayfair. It was actually quite disappointing but that’s by the by.

Anyway, a woman at my office gave me a lecture on how I mustn’t order anything spicy as it would disrupt the baby. She was younger than me, did an admin job like me (not medical) and had never had a baby before, so I really don’t know where she got this sense of authority from, but hey ho.

@LyndorCake kindly accepted!

Sorry, nag me.