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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH is being dim, isn't he? Financial

406 replies

escapetothecuntree · 18/08/2018 10:31

So we usually do our regular online shop at Sainsbury's, because this is one of the very few supermarkets that shock what DH likes for his dinners (very restrictive dietary needs).

Anyway, I've just noticed Morrison's sale the same thing for cheaper, it's on offer. Only about 30p difference, but we by several of these so it all adds up. Plus, their basics are cheaper.

DH is putting his foot down and saying no, he doesn't want to try Morrison's.

I've asked why and he says there's no point. I said we could save £5/10. He said I don't really care about saving a few quid Confused

Yeah, like we have money to just burn Hmm

So I asked again, and he said it's just too much faff to change.
I said but I've signed up instantly. He says no, I'm comfortable with Sainsbury's so leave it at that.

AIBU to think he's being bloody dim? Why wouldn't you save just a few quid? Why spend more money, even small amounts, when you don't have to?

He's adamant it's too much hassle. And says he isn't interested in saving a few quid. It's not worth it.

For context, either myself or him order the online shop. I was going to do it so it's not like he had to go out of his way to sign up or anything. I'd already done it.

In annoyance, he's agreed to add it all up and see if there's any difference at all. Sod's law it'll cost the same overall or be more expensive.

Not really sure why I'm writing this, perhaps I just need a rant Envy

He will most likely see the thread and get the hump. Hopefully it doesn't turn out that I'm U!

OP posts:
Inertia · 19/08/2018 15:24

He’s got a heart of fucking stone.

He sleeps while you clean, and you launder and iron all his work clothes, and then he snaps at you because you need to change a pad because it’s soaked through while you are bleeding post-miscarriage?

This isn’t the way a loving husband behaves.

I like the sound of your grandmother- you should go and stay with her for a few days. Get some rest and some bacon sandwiches.

Foslady · 19/08/2018 15:35

Escape, my heart truest goes out to you. I find all this distressing on your behalf that you are going through this right now.

Leave him to his crappy diet and crappy attitude and go to your Grans.......and think about how you want your life to be in 5 years time......Flowers

YourHandInMyHand · 19/08/2018 15:36

I've been on mumsnet for about a decade, and have even had my own long running thread at one point where my eyes opened to the fact I was living with a miserable, controlling, emotionally abusive arsehole and this is without a doubt the saddest thread I've ever read. Sad I just want to scoop you away and let you have some space and a few decent meals.

Please go and stay with you gran for a few days. Bleed, heal, rest, maybe done the freedom programme online and let her look after you. I'm so sorry you are going through this OP.

If your DH is reading I hope he can see what a horrifying excuse for a human being he is, but I doubt he will. Hmm Him finding your posts on MN is another way to try and cut off support available to you, he's an absolute tool.

No man worth their salt would let their breastfeeding, miscarrying wife who they are supposed to love, feel hungry and go without good nourishing food while they blow money on gym membership, strawberry milk and bloody pistachios! Angry You'd be better off on single parent benefits from the sound of it, and I say that from experience of living with a controlling emotionally abusive manchild in the past myself. Income support and freedom was sweet relief in bloody comparison.

BitchPeas · 19/08/2018 15:40

Dear god woman run away to your nana and left her stuff you with all the red meat she has!

You’re breastfeeding and miscarrying. You need the iron.

Your DH is a right cunt.

BrioLover · 19/08/2018 15:45

Fucking hell. When I miscarried every time I moved DH would check if I was ok, did I need any more pads, was there anything he could do, did I want soup/tea/gin/chocolate etc. That's what a normal person does. You're bleeding. You're breastfeeding.

I have a horrid feeling that if you bring this up he'll tell you you're selfish and you're making everything about you, which is exactly as it should. It's just that he has the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone and can't actually understand that his behaviour is awful.

Please start making plans to leave with your DS.

Bluelady · 19/08/2018 15:55

Because it's made me so sad/angry I've only dipped in and out and I haven't read the whole thread, I can't bear to. Please, please leave this abusive piece of shit, OP. Go and let your gran look after you and never return.

NettleTea · 19/08/2018 16:03

Ive just got a stupid head cold, but my DP of 15 years is messaging me constantly to ask if he should bring food round or if I want him to look after the kids

YearOfYouRemember · 19/08/2018 16:13

escape what will you do? He won't change so you have too. Don't wait until he starts limiting what your baby can eat.

Sarahandduck18 · 19/08/2018 16:14

This is one of the worst cases of emotional abuse I’ve ever seen on MN.

Could posters please read the updates!

Op please pick up ds and essential documents and go to your grandmothers now.

You are still having a miscarriage and he is torturing you. You need rest and a hearty meal.

You can sort out the future later.

DameDoom · 19/08/2018 16:22

I agree - your nana sounds like an amazing woman and you and your baby need to be with her right now.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 19/08/2018 16:29

Jezus.

I agree, please get yourself to your nans.

I am actually crying here. What an utter fucking bastard.

DameDoom · 19/08/2018 16:34

At the moment, we are visiting my terminally ill family member so am feeling a bit down. After leaving the hospital I said I really fancied some Applewood Smoked cheese. Bought some. I then told DH that it tasted a bit weird after they had changed the label. Do you know what he did and I certainly did not ask him? He went hunting down various supermarkets to find the old label cheese. I asked him why and his answer was because I love it and therefore he wanted to get it for me.

You need the same value, love and care... and at times downright spoiling and pampering.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/08/2018 16:34

I really hope your DH does read this thread. He is an immature self absorbed wankbadger.
He is against cruelty except to his own wife. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about her wellbeing.

Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 19/08/2018 16:44

Thank you all for these wonderful messages of support Thanks

Off to my Nan's tomorrow, getting the train up.

I feel incredibly angry at it all. The logistics this is going to create if I ever leave is so difficult.

How would he see his son? He'd have to have him for weekends Sad leaving me without my precious baby.

I'm angry because we are suppose to be a married couple. We are suppose to be a unit

But if I walk away for good, this isn't my fault.

OP posts:
chickenloverwoman · 19/08/2018 16:51

I'm appalled at what he's putting you through Angry. I'm glad you are going to your nans tomorrow Smile. Can I ask, do you know why was he so invested and annoyed in wanting you to join in the nap? Confused Sounds decidedly odd, to me Sad
And no, none of this is your fault, at all. Flowers

Bluelady · 19/08/2018 16:56

First, it's NOT your fault.
Second, whether or not he sees his son is his problem.
Third, looking after yourself and your son is what you put first, last and centre.
Fourth, fuck him, he's not worth your consideration.

I'll be so pleased when I know you're on that train.

Jozxyqk · 19/08/2018 17:09

OP, you do realise you don't actually have to iron his clothes? You are entitled to an equal relationship, one in which you get to choose your own food, not be sworn at & called a bitch? One in which you are cherished, valued, & looked after when you're unwell? You do realise that your 'D'H does not fulfil any of these criteria? And that just about everyone on this thread is so sad for you, that you seem to value yourself so little that you put up with it.

I was in a very similar situation to you once. He sounds shockingly similar to my XP. I am heartbroken for you. Partly because I could have been in a similar position now, & the thought makes me feel sick.

Please tell your Nan everything. Flowers

JammyGem · 19/08/2018 17:27

It's not your fault at all. It's all his fault - he's the one who puts his selfish lazy abusive arse before the welfare of the mother of his baby.

So glad to hear you're going to your gran's.

This is honestly the worst case of emotional abuse I've read on here. If the dickhead is reading, I hope he realises what a manipulative sad cunt he is.

Sarahandduck18 · 19/08/2018 17:37

This isnt your fault x 1000

Let him go to court for contact.

Your dc is best with you now.

Clutterbugsmum · 19/08/2018 17:42

This is not your fault.

Try not to worry about contact, I would hazard a guess he won't be to bothered as it would involve thinking about someone else and I not sure he is capable of that.

chickenloverwoman · 19/08/2018 17:46

Please sign up to do the Freedom Programme as well. Online but even better in RL. It may well open your eyes some more Flowers

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2018 17:50

Don’t worry about contact OP. As long as you’re breastfeeding and the baby is small it’s not appropriate. It’s something to be hashed out at a later date. He may get every other weekend.

Your primary concern right now is to get away from him, save yourself and protect your child.

Think of the freedom, the relief, and the food!

DameDoom · 19/08/2018 17:53

It's definitely not your fault at all OP. Don't let him make you think it is. I have shown DH this thread and he is absolutely appalled.

RiverTam · 19/08/2018 18:13

I’m afraid he sounds utterly awful. And his diet is dreadful, by the way, massive amounts of unnutritious processed rubbish.

DH is veggie, I am not, before DD was born we ate a mixture of veggie stuff together, or cook our own meals separately. When it came to weaning DD I made the decision (because I was the one weaning her) to bring her up veggie as I didn’t want to be making two meals (I do most of the cooking, though DH is perfectly capable, but I prefer to and am around to do it). DH was pleased, but it was not his decision and he had never ever mentioned it to me. I like the veggie food I make, and I have meat when eating out or in a sandwich. DD is now 8 and it is her decision to be veggie. When she asks me about it she’s fine with ‘yes, it’s better not to eat meat but I don’t eat much’ (which I believe and is true).

The way he is treating you is terrible. DH would never foist his views on me or anyone else like that.

Foodylicious · 19/08/2018 18:19

Well done you on deciding to go to your nans.

Hope you can get some proper rest, cream cakes and the kinds of foods you have been craving

Try making yourself and dc no1 priority for now

're contact, don't worry about that just now.

Let him go to court.
No one is going to insist you leave your young baby for any long periods of time, or overnights.

Any I guess there is a chance DH might not even persue it.

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