DH is being dim, isn't he? Financial

[escapetothecuntree]

So we usually do our regular online shop at Sainsbury's, because this is one of the very few supermarkets that shock what DH likes for his dinners (very restrictive dietary needs).

Anyway, I've just noticed Morrison's sale the same thing for cheaper, it's on offer. Only about 30p difference, but we by several of these so it all adds up. Plus, their basics are cheaper.

DH is putting his foot down and saying no, he doesn't want to try Morrison's.

I've asked why and he says there's no point. I said we could save £5/10. He said I don't really care about saving a few quid

Yeah, like we have money to just burn

So I asked again, and he said it's just too much faff to change.
I said but I've signed up instantly. He says no, I'm comfortable with Sainsbury's so leave it at that.

AIBU to think he's being bloody dim? Why wouldn't you save just a few quid? Why spend more money, even small amounts, when you don't have to?

He's adamant it's too much hassle. And says he isn't interested in saving a few quid. It's not worth it.

For context, either myself or him order the online shop. I was going to do it so it's not like he had to go out of his way to sign up or anything. I'd already done it.

In annoyance, he's agreed to add it all up and see if there's any difference at all. Sod's law it'll cost the same overall or be more expensive.

Not really sure why I'm writing this, perhaps I just need a rant

He will most likely see the thread and get the hump. Hopefully it doesn't turn out that I'm U!

This was originally a thread about supermarkets

Nothing is ever just about supermarkets.

Your husband is an absolute arsehole and abusive to boot. I can't believe you had a miscarriage and he is arguing with you about eating meat. I can't belief be he is arguing with you regardless but the miscarriage just makes it so much more disgusting. Maybe things would be better if he had as much respect for his wife and child as he does for animals. I hope he does read this thread he is a fucking disgusting excuse for a husband.

Jennie You're right, he's brought up recently that how we explain to our son why he doesn't eat meat may cause issues.

For example, I'm happy for DS to be veggie and I will gladly bring him up that way. But it does beg the question, what if DS asks "But daddy, why does mummy eat meat then if it's so bad?"

And I agree. It'll be a hard one to answer

He'll just have to cool his jets on the whole issue and accept himself that other people make choices he doesn't approve of and it's not OK to berate them. Then there won't be an issue with explaining why mummy eats meat and he doesn't.

@escapetothecuntree that's a valuable time to teach him the lesson that people have different opinions and just because mummy thinks one thing and daddy thinks another does not mean either is wrong.

We just tell DD that some people don't really like to eat meat (mummy mostly doesn't eat meat), & other people do like to eat it a lot (daddy). She knows what meat is - dead animals that have been cut up. She eats meat, currently. We live in a rural town so she's seen chickens, sheep etc in the fields very frequently, rabbits & pheasants hanging up at the butchers, & whole fish at the fishmongers. She's 6 & we just tell her things honestly without putting an emotional slant on it.

If you agreed to not having meat in the house I don’t think you can expect this to change now. However there’s no reason why you can’t eat meat, just do it out of the house and be veggie in it.

Neither of you sound that familiar with healthy and tasty vegetarian food. I’d suggest downloading an easy vegetarian recipe from eg BBC Good Food and shopping specifically for it. If that’s a success try another one, and slowly extend your repertoire. What’s important is that you get the nutrition you need.

This is all just sticking plaster stuff though. It’s clear your differences go deeper than this.

He’s reading this ? Good. Listen up, mate. You need to get a grip because this controlling attitude isn’t healthy. If it’s the practicality of having meat in the fridge that bothers you, I can understand that but find a workaround - she could use Tupperware to store it in for example. Split your shelves up so you put your stuff on one shelf and hers on another. And so on.
But more fundamentally, she’s nursing a child right now. She’s just had a miscarriage. She needs nutrition, she needs protein, she needs the food she wants to eat. She needs caring for, for God’s sake. What’s wrong with you?!
You can’t carry on with this controlling attitude. It will erode your entire relationship. It’s already happening, can you see that ?

If you agreed to not having meat in the house I don’t think you can expect this to change now. However there’s no reason why you can’t eat meat, just do it out of the house and be veggie in it.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, OP can eat meat wherever she likes, her husband is a knob.

Do you really want to live the rest of your life with someone commenting on your food and not allowing you to eat what you want?

It sounds like he's very happy to spend extra money on the food he wants. He doesn't give a shit if you're unhappy, what would happen if you spend the whole food budget on meats and cheese etc and just expected him to eat it? Why do his food needs trump yours? He's a twat.

He comes on MN and recognises your posts??? Thats another form of control - cutting off your outlets for any outside opinion so that he can be 'right' on stuff and persuade you how ridiculous you are being.

You are breastfeeding, you need extra calories.

You have had a miscarriage, you need iron.

It is correct that the child's needs are going to have to be factored in regarding food - are you making it fresh or is the baby having organic packets? fresh is far far better. The food budget ratio needs to start including the baby's food too.

Forget about the cooking 2 different meals - just cook for yourself, what you need. If you are having cravings that is your body telling you what nutrients it needs. desiring Hearty sounds like you are seriously lacking in calories. Are you getting enough carbs?

how much is this gym membership if you are on a tight budget? Anywhere else you can cut down to up your food budget a bit

also I would say that needs and people change. Now you want meat. you have tried his way and it isnt working for you. You can get pots and pans that you use specifically. This is YOUR home as much as his.

Ok if you're reading this op's dh. You're an absolute fucking bell end who is abusing his wife and is happy to see her go without a decent meal, while she was fucking pregnant and breastfeeding, so that you can have your fucking meat substitutes and fancy soya milkshakes. You're an absolute disgrace. I hope one day the op finds the strength to leave you and you can sob alone into your golden vegetable fucking rice while she's free to find someone who doesn't deliberately force her to eat food she hates when she's as vulnerable as she could possibly be. There's no reason for her to be hungry except that's what you want.

This is genuinely one of the worst threads I've ever seen on here. Who could treat someone they profess to love (I presume) so bloody awfully, especially when they're breastfeeding a young child and they've just been through a miscarriage?

Why don't you have anymore money than than for food?

I think if my dh started eating meat it would be a deal breaker for me. But I was very careful choosing a partner who felt the same way as me about being vegetarian.

You don’t need meat due to breastfeeding or pg, but you certainly do need nutritious food and enough of it. Everyone is different but it took weeks post mc before I would stop falling apart at the slightest thing. Be gentle with yourself.

The thing is, this isn't even about meat really. It's about your H's extremely narrow, processed and controlled diet that he's trying to force on you. Lots of nutritious veggie foods to be had but he won't eat them. I'll wager that the op wouldn't have such an issue if he was following a normal veggie diet.

If meat and other animal products were the only food in the house, would he be a fussy bastard for not wanting to eat it? I bet he wouldn't think so.

This thread has made me angry. I left my ex for precisely these issues. Half of our grocery budget went on "his" food, hazelnut yoghurts, packets of pistachios etc, and the other half went on all the household goods (toilet rolls etc) and food for me and 3 children. We lived on value food, while he sat there munching his fucking pistachios.

Your husband is an abusive, controlling cunt, and he doesn't deserve a wife and child. Leave him and make a better life for yourself like I did. My ex's subsequent relationships have never lasted more than a couple of years, and he's been single for years now.
I met a really good man who loves me and cares for me, and you can have this too, but not with the one you're with now.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my last baby at 9 weeks too, it would have been my DH's first child, but he's been a good step dad to my other children.

Regarding how will you explain the differences in food, it's easy, as long as he doesn't try to brainwash your child with his beliefs. I say this as someone who hasn't eaten meat for over 40 years, but brought my children up as omnivores, because I didn't feel it was right to make that choice for them, like religion, they could choose to either carry on eating meat, or not, when they got older. They all still eat meat, but also have no problem eating veggie meals. They never asked why I didn't eat meat, but if they had, I'd have just told them I didn't like it, which is true, no need to get into any more detail.

Speak to your health visitor, and change your username and password so you can post on here privately.

What I don’t understand is teenage/adult dc and I are vegan/vegetarian and add in a few food allergies and it is one of the cheapest shopping bills you can get.

I spend around £60 per week for 3 people and veg and other bits for dp who buys his own meals because he eats meat. What the hell is ops dh eating to spend £30 for 1 person. Also in my bill are cleaning products etc

spend around £60 per week for 3 people and veg and other bits for dp who buys his own meals because he eats meat. What the hell is ops dh eating to spend £30 for 1 person. Also in my bill are cleaning products etc

Interesting, because I don't think his food looks expensive on the face of it... typical food shop for him a week is...

5 bag of Linda McCartney pulled chicken

A bag or two of non meat mince

12 packs of microwaveable golden veg
rice

Cheap lentils

Tinned carrots

3 cartons of fresh orange juice

3 cartons of soya strawberry milk

Oats (but only sometimes as they're a big bag, and he has them for breakfast. They're about £1 for a huge bag).

Motoko I forgot to include in my previous answer just then that that's what he snacks on

So added to the list also for his weekly shop is pistachio nuts

And almond milk

ThanksHunkyJesus

Amen to that. What a tool he is.

Where's the variety? Where's the fresh fruit and veg? Nutritionally that diet is appalling and I can't believe he expects you to follow it.

Has he got an eating disorder?

But when you're on such a limited budget, you can't afford items that work out as a fairly high cost per meal.

£45 per week, £22.50 per person (ignoring the baby as assuming their food is relatively small) is a little over £3 a day.

It sounds like he's having a whole bag of the Linda McCartney pulled chicken for dinner each day, which is £2.50 on it's own, so nearly all his share of the budget.

How much is the microwave rice? If it's the ready cooked, not the dried stuff, it's relatively expensive, but even if it's the dried stuff, that and the Linda McCartney has already taken more than his share of the food budget, before you get to the strawberry soya milk, carrots, lentils and porridge, the latter items admittedly being very cheap.

Is that really all he eats? It's going to keep him alive obviously, but it's such a bland repetitive diet. Does he have an eating disorder?

What would his response be if you asked him to try more interesting and substantial vegetarian meals like chilli, cottage pie, or spag bol made with veg, pulses and vegetarian mince instead. Meals like that would probably be cheaper and more nutritous than those based on the Linda McCartney stuff, which is what stands out as being disproportionally expensive on your budget.

What a selfish knob.

On the details though. ..
Linda McCartney stuff is a fortune though.
I could not afford that much for 5 of us.
I would get one or two bags over a week if that was my main meat substitute.

I make my own seitan (steamed) with gluten flour which is cheaper.

Would generally tend to get quorn when it's cheap in farmfoods.

Expensive nuts are a luxury too.
We get cashews from lidl but expect them to last a couple of weeks.

When I met my partner I wasn't veggie although I had been in the past. She didn't make a big thing of it. After a year or so of getting my head around it I decided to go back to being veggie. We have a lot of political opinions in common and I empathized with her pov about it but it took a while to get my head around feeding 3 children on a budget as I was used to a meat based diet and knew where to get meaty things cheap.

She would never have thrown my food out.

The children still eat meat on occasion as does my dad when he visits. We have a meat frying pan for these times.

I write this because I think you might excuse his odd behaviours due to his strong beliefs. But I think he's being a knob tbh. Especially when you're breastfeeding and getting over a miscarriage. I've been in that situation and been absolutely starving.
And also shattered. And maybe slightly nauseous from hunger.
I would not have fancied a tin of veg soup full of thickeners.

Of course you are going to be craving meat after a miscarriage! You’ll have lost blood and will need to replace the iron in your body!

He is controlling and verbally and financially abusive.

Get yourself to a refuge pronto!