To think children benefit from a clean home?

[AbeautifulBeast]

Inspired by the saying that seems to do the rounds on FB over the holidays. Something along the lines of not having time to clean because they are far too busy making memories....
I do get it, no one looks back at their childhood and remembers if the bathroom and kitchen were spotless however it amazes me how many adults admit a dirty/messy home affects their mental health but seem to think it doesn't affect children.
I appreciate everyone has different standards but surely it can't be good for kids to grow up in dirt and mess for the sake of 'memories' and there has to be a balance?

Stig of the Dump. Awww. That is sad.

Teachtolive clean as I go mainly, once a meal has been eaten wash up and put the dishes away. I clean the bathroom at night just before bed so it is ready for the day after, hoovering is done daily as we have pets so usually after they have been cleaned out. I iron every other night and quite a bit on a Sunday afternoon (after we have been out for the day with the children!)
Just for balance the children have activities 2 nights a week and one each on Saturday and Sunday morning.
It is possible to maintain decent standards and have a family life.

I understand completely that an hour is a fraction of free time for some and a good chunk of free time for others (single mum of 3 boys and work 12 hour shifts) it was a very 'round' statement. The same way a house may be tidy to one person and a mess to others. I wasn't offering a reasonable guideline just saying that i think balance is important.

Teachtolive I think maybe we need to start our own thread asking for cleaning schedules and tips for full time WOH or SAH mums of young children (ie where you have no time where you are at home and preschoolers are not with you). We are clearly missing something that most of Mumsnet knows!

I guess it matters more to some than others but I do think a properly messy (as in not just a few papers on the table and some dishes on the worktop) must have an effect on a whole families quality of life.
If people want to defend living like that then it's up to them but I would rather miss out on relaxing after the kids are in bed and get things done.

Abeautifulbeast how old are your children? Also do you work or are you a SAHM? Also when do you take time out with your DH?

My day usually begins around 5 or 6 with baby also having woken once at night. I'm up getting everyone bar DH dressed and fed. When 1st naptime hits I have to wash bottles (20 mins when my toddler is on her own.) When baby is up in trying to get them out of the house for fresh air. 2nd nap then if she takes one and I'm trying to spend quality time with the toddler after I've gotten her dinner up to her. Baby gets up, is fed and we play to.get her. Can't take my eyes off them cos baby is lightning fast and everything goes in her mouth. Toddler needs stimulation other than tv. Then it's tea time, DH gets home around 6 and it's supper, baths and bed at 7. Toddler is a difficult sleeper so it can be 8 or after by the time DH and I eat. We might sit down and chat or watch telly for an hour (once all bottles are washed again and the kitchen is as tidy as we can get it after dinner). Some nights I'll take 30 mins out and run (This is essential for my mental health) and then it's bed. Toilets are always kept clean and the kids are always dressed in clean clothes but I'd be up til midnight if I was doing what you do

And I'm not "defending" a lifestyle here but I genuinely can't get it together. I don't like it. I'm hoping as the kids grow it'll be easier and I can be house proud again to some degree. But I'm acutely aware that my DH and I have less time for each other naturally since my kids came along and I'd rather spend quality time with him than have a tidy house. Both is an ideal for me

DrWhy every time one of those cleaning threads pops up I try and take something from it! One day it'll be easy again...

"...but I would rather miss out on relaxing after the kids are in bed and get things done"

Yes, that's my MO also. The time spent picking up in the evenings is worth the coming down in the morning to a neat place!

Also, TIDY AS YOU GO! It's a habit that becomes second nature after a while, so much so I wince when milk, coffee, whatever is left open and out of the fridge when someone makes a drink. How hard is it to:

open fridge
take out milk
unscrew top
pour
put top back on
put back in fridge
close door

compared to:

open fridge
take out milk
close door
unscrew top
pour
put top back on (maybe!)
leave on kitchen surface
close door

Yet the latter done many times a day means clutter. The former does not!

whoops extra "close door" there but hopefully you get the gist!

I think it depends on the age of the child. A toddler won't know any difference and as long as nappies are binned and floors are hoovered so they can't eat too many bits of dirt it'll be alright.

Once they start school and become aware, want to bring friends home and are doing homework they should have a tidy house to come home to and some structure.

My house is not pristine but most of the mess is toys which is kind of inevitable for a while when you have young kids. I don't mind having a cosy coupe in my kitchen and a line up of teddies in the living room, it is a home.

I grew up in a filthy house though and it did affect me. Im talking cat shit not lifted, wine bottles lying out, sticky floors, smell of stale and fresh cigarette smoke, full ashtrays, kitchen full of dirty dishes and takeaway containers, school uniform washed once a week type of thing. I did a lot of cleaning from a very young age but when you're the only one you're fighting against the tide. If you live in a house like this please, please clean it. Your DC will suffer so badly if you don't.

If people want to defend living like that then it's up to them but I would rather miss out on relaxing after the kids are in bed and get things done.

I don't think people are defending how they live, you started this thread, they are just explaining their circumstances are different. Surely it's not that hard to understand that everyone's homelife is different?

If someone is exhausted from dealing with a baby and toddler, then perhaps they are too tired to do much of anything in the evening? If someone has a particularly demanding job, long commute, health problems, depression, unsupportive partner, no partner, children with SN who need a lot of extra care, or a million and one other reasons why they are struggling to keep on top of the housework. That doesn't make them bad people or bad parents. Some people are just dealing with a lot more than others.

My children are older now and I have always worked full time.
It is hard but for me I choose to keep things like this as I wouldn't want to live any other way. I also really think it benefits the whole family.

I don't think this is about dusting. It is about being tidy and clean enough to find things easily like clean clothes, for the bathroom and toilet to be clean enough to use, for the kitchen to be clean enough to hygienically cook, for the kids to be able to find unbroken toys and books easily.
I have seen awful homes with kids in. Basically if strangers would not accept a cup of tea in your house, and there is nowhere for them to sit because surfaces are covered, then that is not okay.

crunchymint exactly, people can say they don't have time etc but surely there comes a point when the balance tips from 'lived in' to dirty.
I have tried to make it clear in my posts that I am not talking about show home standards, just a comfortable and welcoming place for the whole family to live.

I usually clean as I go, first take washing, cups, bins downstairs, stick on a wash, empty breakfasts into bins and pop dishes in a basin of water, while I empty bins then wipe down surfaces. Toys etc get chucked in toy box, sofas wiped down with a damp cloth. The rest is as and when. Believe me I find it hard I have DCD and Dyslexia and I am unorganised it takes effort and sometimes gets on top of me but I do it when my body cant for my DC.

My home will never be a palace, you can put your hand to things and I declutter regular, I think it helps lots with MH issues, if you can manage it to keep it liveable.

Sometimes my chilren have come back and said another house has things all over every surface, not just lots of nice framed photographs out but every table surface piled up. That's when it's a problem, not whether you have toys all over one floor and someone has them all packed away.

DrWhy have you read the Kondo books? It was very helpful for me to see that yes, I can get rid of things. Even if someone would be upset or even if I might need them one day or they are in principle still fine. Doesn't matter, it's clutter. Having less stuff makes a massive difference. Everything should have a place, and everything should be put back in their place, and you will barely need any extra tidying done.

My flat is often extremely messy (it takes 5 minutes to look like ww3 has happened) but it is CLEAN and takes 30 minutes each for lounge and their room to tidy back up at the end of the night so it is managable.

I wont have a dirty home but I also am not fanatical about mess and toy chaos

@ Teachtolive

This is where you have the potential to turn things around a little:

We might sit down and chat or watch telly for an hour ...

How about you both shave just 15 minutes off that hour every second night to tackle a room? It would be the equivalent of a 30 minute cleaning/tidying blast. You can absolutely get a room close to spotless in that time with two pairs of hands on deck. You can still talk/catch up with each other while you work.

Kitchen - one of you sweeps and mops the floor while the other wipes down worktops, cupboard fronts, the hob and the table.

Living room - one of you picks up and tidies away toys and general daily clutter while the other plumps the sofa cushions and dusts down surfaces.

Hallway - one of you straightens up and tidies away shoes, bags, coats, junk mail, etc. while the other cleans the floor.

Bathroom - one of you focuses on the tiles and the bath while the other sorts the toilet and the sink.

Saturday morning - one of you hoovers the downstairs quickly while the other watches the children. Swap turns Sunday morning and get the upstairs vacuumed.

And so on.

It may not be 'perfect', but I can assure you, nobody's house is! Cleaning and tidying up are thankless tasks. It's a merry-go-round that simply never stops spinning. Unfortunately, it still needs done, even when you're knackered. Yes, you may lose 15 minutes of sitting down and watching some TV with your DH. But it's 15 minutes. Even exhausted working parents with young children can surrender just quarter of an hour to straightening up a bit.

I notice a lot people say things like: I'd rather do X, Y or Z than waste time cleaning. That's absolutely fine. It's their time to spend as they see fit. But the problem with that mentality is that while folk are busy doing that X, Y or Z, the problems on the cleaning/tidying front are getting progressively worse, meaning it will take that much longer to deal with later. It builds and builds until you feel like you're drowning and have no hope of ever sorting things out. If you just spend 15 minutes blitzing something every/other night, things become so much more manageable.

There is clean and there is neurotically scrubbed, There is dirty and there is filthy. Neither of the extremes are good for children. They need to help put away their toys, be able to find clean sock and school things, to not get ill form unhygeinically cooked food....BUT they need to build a healthy immune system and too much cleaning, use of disinfectants and cleaning products is very unhealthy

It's getting the balance right.

We are a typical busy young family - we have a dog which adds dust / mess - but there's a bare minimum I do daily ( hoover downstairs / clean over after dinner and have a clean toilet). I need these bits done to be able to sit down and relax

Weekends are for catching up with ourselves a bit.

Youl find dust behind sofas - likely under beds etc that's just how it is as I can't do these every day / every other day.

Our house isn't a show home but it is our home and I think we have a happy medium of sensible cleanliness for a busy household.

I try my best to keep on top of things because I can’t relax in a messy/dirty house.

I think there's a difference between say the skirting boards needing a desperate going over/upstairs needs the hoover put round and the house being shit filthy. I do believe kids need cleanliness as in clean carpets, clean bedding, obvious muck being cleaned up but I don't think they're affected by the smaller stuff.

I am at home full time with 3 young children who are not in nursery and they make such a mess!
However, we now live in a clean house though we used to live in a messy/dirty house and I hated it. I didn’t know how to keep on top of things and I regularly felt tearful and overwhelmed by the size of the task.

There are two things that have helped. The first was doing a Marie Kondo type sort-out (minus the feng shui bollocks) and getting rid of a ton of stuff. This took a few hours for about 4 weekends.
The second thing has been sorting a cleaning rota so I only have 2 ‘cleaning’ things to do a day, e.g. clean hard floors and all cupboard fronts/by bin. If I miss it and it’s not too important, I leave it.
The kitchen and bathroom get a squirt round every day when one of us is in there and I might run the vac over the floors a couple of times a week.
The dusting, vaccing and bed change happens at the weekend when my husband can take the babies or he does it whilst I take them out. It takes about an hour.
This helps me keep on top of things amongst the endless work of entertaining, feeding and clearing up after 3 small children at home.
I feel 100% better to be more or less keeping a clean house and not realising it’s been a month since I did x or y task and it’s nicer to live here now.
My Mum ‘tidied’ a lot when I was younger but didn’t keep on top of cleaning/organising. We had drawers full of crap, dust bunnies and food splatters everywhere and as a teen I did find it embarrassing. There is definitely a happy medium.