Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children benefit from a clean home?

176 replies

AbeautifulBeast · 17/08/2018 21:29

Inspired by the saying that seems to do the rounds on FB over the holidays. Something along the lines of not having time to clean because they are far too busy making memories....
I do get it, no one looks back at their childhood and remembers if the bathroom and kitchen were spotless however it amazes me how many adults admit a dirty/messy home affects their mental health but seem to think it doesn't affect children.
I appreciate everyone has different standards but surely it can't be good for kids to grow up in dirt and mess for the sake of 'memories' and there has to be a balance?

OP posts:
DieAntword · 17/08/2018 22:31

When my house is in a state of chaos, yes it messes with my head and generally I have to tidy it for my sake and their sake (because even if the mess doesn’t bother them my impatience in a chaotic environment does). But when we’re talking about a few soap stains on the sink or the books not being perfectly straight on the shelves or there being a pile of papers on the countertops I don’t think it’s a big deal.

The most important thing to me is that the kitchen is clean and tidy and that the living/dining room floor is clean and tidy. If there’s a bit of clutter on the desk it’s not a big deal and if my bedroom is a mess I’m ok with that, I don’t like it but it’s not top priority. Bathroom clutter I’ll overlook for a while but disgusting toilets need to be cleaned (and they get disgusting a lot now that my son is toilet trained).

Robot hoover is a godsend because it cleans the floor and forces me to clear any clutter off the floor.

2slicesoftoast · 17/08/2018 22:31

Don't you think those "memes" started off as a way to remind stressed out parents to cut themselves some slack? And their original intention has been forgotten / misinterpreted?

Titsywoo · 17/08/2018 22:35

My house is definitely messier over the holidays as we are out and about a lot more and when it's hot I struggle to find the energy! But it's not dirty really just not up to my usual high standards (which are pretty high!). I do love the holidays but like going back to my routine in September where I have a whole day to myself to clean and tidy! I think the kids are less bothered by mess than me but they would hate living in a dirty house (but is that because they are used to it? Who knows?).

Dahlietta · 17/08/2018 22:36

Meh. My kid makes 90% of the mess in the house and resents being made to tidy it up or even us doing it. I don't think he's too affected.

theanonymum1 · 17/08/2018 22:39

I grew up in s tidy and clean house but it was all done without involving me and my brother. I don’t think I knew how to keep a house clean and tidy until now, aged 30, with a two year old. I moved out at 18 but it’s only now that I get how hard it must have been for my mum, who worked full time, had a useless husband and two DC. The only way I’ve learned to keep the house tidy is by writing up a rota and sticking to it! But now I find that I can’t go to bed if the kitchens a mess etc so I feel like I’m constantly tidying and cleaning all the time...

WyfOfBathe · 17/08/2018 22:40

There's a big spectrum between so filthy that your clothes smell, and show home clean.

I expect a lot of people posting it mean that they haven't wiped toddler finger prints off windows, haven't descaled the shower straight away, etc. Not that it's actually smelly or dangerous.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 17/08/2018 22:41

I found a dirty football in the upstairs bathroom yesterday...12 weeks of summer holidays are wreaking chaos on our house!

It's not dirty ( I do clean the kitchen/bathrooms every day) but so messy and it's definitely affecting DH and my moods. The kids don't seem to notice/care. they'll tidy up when asked, but that's it. We even have chore rotas for them, but it's not enough ATM. We're out of annual leave/money for trips, so we've just having friends round...and that leads to mess.

I'm going home to do some theraputic tidying now (5 hours behind in the USA). Smile

Cagliostro · 17/08/2018 22:41

I agree there has to be a balance.

We were really messy and cluttered, mental health issues and autism (me and both kids) and my physical health issues meant keeping on top of it really wasn't easy. It doesn't come naturally to everyone.

I was always stressed about it, the kids did plenty outside the home but I do feel sad we lived like that for so long.

However last month we moved into our HA home (due to my health needs). It is almost twice the size but the difference I feel is far more than double. We are gradually finding a place for everything and it is so much easier to clean because we had a fresh start. I definitely spend a lot more time keeping it nice and I feel like I'm often saying "not yet, we have to clean up first" but we do it together. Baby gets ignored a bit more than the older two did but once we have cleaned up things are so much nicer and we enjoy the time together more because the environment is better. Mealtimes are nicer, we play more board games and stuff too and they are already playing with their toys more because they are organised. I no longer freak out about them getting aaaaall the Playmobil out because it is quick to tidy the sets back into their drawers after. We had 23 people in my house yesterday, the majority being kids with various SN, and you'd barely know it as tidying was so much easier. Before, having even one person over caused untold stress.

And I actually think we can do more messy things now. Previously I'd say no to something like painting precisely because there was already so much mess I couldn't stand to knowingly make any more. Whereas now it is easier to clear the table, put paper down etc and cleanup is quicker.

I could easily get on the defensive from the OP but I know how much better life is now and I wouldn't change it for anything. I'm trying not to get hung up on the guilt of living like that for so long, I was overwhelmed with my own disabilities and trying to meet my kids' needs. I tried though. They still had a lot of fun and friends but did they miss out, yes definitely. It won't be like that anymore.

wishywashy6 · 17/08/2018 22:42

Depends what your idea of mess is I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️
I run a business from home, have 2 horses, 2 kids and a dog (who are all as messy as each other!).... my house is far from spotless but when it's a mess we tidy up and it's never filthy. I pay a cleaner to come in once a week and do the bits I basically can't be arsed doing because I would rather spend the very little spare time I do have with my kids. I don't want them to look back and see a Mum who was always too busy

legolammb · 17/08/2018 22:45

I agree OP. I think it’s important for children to learn structure and routine and housekeeping as basic life skills. I grew up in a messy house and was embarrassed by it and was forever losing things. I found it a struggle getting my head round cleaning when I moved into shared uni accommodation. I now love taking care of my house - having cushions and cosy throws and candles to make it homely and not having to move a pile of stuff before you can sit down

Walkingdeadfangirl · 17/08/2018 22:45

Sterile house are dangerous for children, they cause all sorts of health problems.

DollyDayScream · 17/08/2018 22:46

My kids leave half eaten apples all over the place. I try to educate them, but they are lazy as fuck and would rather live in squalor. If left alone in an apocalypse type situation my children wouldn't answer the door, but they would die of dysentery within a week.

BMW6 · 17/08/2018 22:49

There is a balance to aim for.
It is not healthy for a child to live in a filthy home - as in squalor.
Equally it is not healthy for a child to live in a home where cleanliness is obsessive.

Why not strike a happy balance - 1/2 day cleaning and tidying, 1/2 day "making memories" (aka Playing With Your Children).

I really don't see the conundrum.

hibbledibble · 17/08/2018 22:50

It depends what you mean by clean.

I don't have the time or energy for a pristine show. I know some who have show home style homes.

I go for a good enough balance, though my house probably is quite dirty by many people's standards.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 17/08/2018 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longwayoff · 17/08/2018 22:52

There's a happy medium surely. Our house was pretty chaotic growing up. Dogs, cats, washing up, piles of ironing, stuff, not filthy but grubby. We, my sister and I, would have preferred more order yet we both have friends who remember it warmly as cosy and comforting. I suppose the difference was they didn't have to live there.

Poptart4 · 17/08/2018 22:54

I grew up in an untidy home. It wasn't filthy but it was definitely full of clutter and mess. It affected my confidence. My siblings and i never brought friends home because we were embarrassed by the mess. Even as an adult i had a complex about people visiting my home and weather or not it was clean enough. I get very stressed in a messy environment.

Over the years ive learned to find that middle ground. My home is clean and tidy but it is not a show home and thats ok.

I agree that children benefit from a tidy home. I hate the current trend of bragging about how filthy your home is and slagging off people who bother to tidy up. Apparently if you don't live in a shit heap the you must be up your own ass.

runningscare · 17/08/2018 22:54

I think there's a difference between a dirty house and an untidy house.

A dirty house is from laziness ... or you are unwell and can't clean up such as sweep / mop / hoover the floors. Dirty cup / plates on the side ... wrappers left on the side ... children dressed in dirty or creased clothes and so on ...

A messy house is books left on the side ... a blanket not put away ...

I don't like living in either ... I prefer to live in a clean and tidy house...

GreenTulips · 17/08/2018 22:57

No one is at a disadvantage from being clean

Actually they are

All that bleach kills the good germs, kids need germs to be healthy
not allowed to play in the mud or a tiny bit dirty
Issues with food as mum wipes at them constantly
No allowed friends round because they leave fingerprints in the surfaces
Can use normal glue paint etc to be creative as mum fusses round them
Kitchens not cooked inn because that might mean unclean surfaces

It's madness

GreenTulips · 17/08/2018 23:02

LOL just read another AIBU about a 'naughty' child leaving fingerprints and DH has banned her from the house ...... same thing .... otherway round

esk1mo · 17/08/2018 23:04

one of the shittest things about my childhood was the mess of the house. i couldnt bring friends round, couldn’t relax because of the mess, my school uniform wasn’t cleaned or ironed often. i think i would have been a happier child if my home environment was clean and tidy. i was given clothes, money, bikes, toys, days out etc but i always remember the messy house, dirty dishes.

i keep my house very clean and tidy now and im very proud of that. Smile

crunchymint · 17/08/2018 23:05

I thunk like most things, moderation is best. So not chaotic and filthy, and not obsessively clean either. There is a middle ground, which is where most people seem to live.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/08/2018 23:09

There's more than just " clean and tidy " homes here.

There's priorities, expectations , class , sexism , so so many factors.

Yes, be the best you can be for your kids. I think clean and tidy is an expression of being bothered. A basic level is important.

Bouledeneige · 17/08/2018 23:11

There's a balance isn't there. Doctors reckon that the increase in allergies has been down to houses being too clean and children not developing tolerance to allergens. And some women clean so much I suspect they have OCD.

But no one wants to live in unhygienic conditions.

crosser62 · 17/08/2018 23:12

I feel sorry for my friends child who can't have friends back due to the extreme hoarding and utter utter filthy environment in which they live.
She is 9 and has never had a friend over for tea.
I feel sorry for her little ones who fall and trip trying to climb over heaps of rubbish to move from one room to the next.
I dislike standing on rubbish and sitting on stuff as there is no clear space to sit in the house.
I feel uncomfortable visiting her.
But I am the only one who does.
Her kids are most definitely negatively affected by it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread