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Original poster

To keep my savings separate until after marriage?

185 replies

Luki · 17/08/2018 11:21

I think I know what the majority of MNers will say but I just want some clarification.

DP and I together for 8 years, living together for 5 years. House is in both names. We have a joint account for bills/household expenses and a joint savings account. Have discussed/planned a wedding (even down to guestlist and venue) but as yet, no proposal or date. We've had a lot of shit going on in our lives that has put everything on hold.. this is now resolved so I'm hoping this means we can move forward with things soon.

Anyway, I sold my flat a few years ago while we were in the middle of our life drama, so I have roughly 18k from that sale sitting in my personal account. Now that this drama is over, DP has mentioned moving this money into our joint savings account. At first I was happy with this idea but now I've been having second thoughts.

Note I have no intention of splitting with DP and we are both very happy in our relationship. However, the logical side of me thinks I should keep this money separate as if we were ever to split up, I would need it for paying bills/finding somewhere else to live. In the event of a split, our joint savings would obviously be halved between us. DP has a personal account too but I think he only has 1-2k in there.

Once we're married, it won't make a jot of difference but does it make me a bad person for wanting to keep my money as mine at this stage?

OP posts:
FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone · 17/08/2018 16:11

Is still just as entitled to keep surplus spending money for his own use once everything/everyone else is paid for

What a load of nonsense. My husband stays home to look after our children so I can earn money. I fail to see how that means that I should keep all extra money I earn for my own personal use Hmm

It only really makes sense if you think that one parent the father is entitled to free child care from the other.

Bluelady · 17/08/2018 16:15

Childcare is completely irrelevant here. OP doesn't have children.

TurnipCake · 17/08/2018 16:25

My husband and I keep our finances separate.

I have £[x]k in rainy day savings because my father's family tried to make my mother and I homeless after my father died. I've also seen friends have to beg their loser husbands for money for children's clothes whilst they are kitted out in designer gear and buying new golf clubs.

Your second thoughts = your gut feeling. It's there for a reason. Trust in it.

notdaddycool · 17/08/2018 16:26

I know your home is in both names but did you buy it together or did you move into his? If so are you' sort of living in his £18k?

If you decide to put it together wait until your married, keep a trail and I think you have a much better chance of getting it back if you ever divorced, but I may be wrong.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 17/08/2018 16:31

That's the point bluelady. There are posters bemoaning that nobody has suggested this is family money, as sometimes happens on finance threads. However, the family money comments are almost invariably in relation to a setup where there are children. Thus, those whining about how it'd be different if OP were a bloke are failing to make accurate comparisons.

Bluelady · 17/08/2018 16:36

OP has already said how the house was purchased. RTFT.

LeftRightCentre · 17/08/2018 16:40

NFW you should move a penny of it. 'He gets offended'. He needs to grow the fuck up. EVERYTHING Beware said. With bells on.

Johnnyfinland · 17/08/2018 17:31

Personally FlatPack if that were my situation I’d keep my money separate and give the SAHD an allowance. I just can’t get my head around the idea of someone dipping willy-nilly into money earned by me. Even with the fact there’s no kids involved I still think some posters would have different advice for a bloke!

Chrisinthemorning · 17/08/2018 17:37

We have a joint mortgage and a joint current account- all other accounts are separate and we have been married 12 years.
I have an isa matured and have decided to put the money into our mortgage -1/4 of the balance.
We have a deed of trust which states that the first £100k of equity is mine, the rest split (I had £100k equity when we bought together). Hoping to update this when I lump a load more to bring down the mortgage.
The way we see it is that we don’t intend to split up so everything is joint, therefore having a bit of paper to protect my interests is irrelevant. (My parents insisted).
What’s his is yours and what’s yours is yours as we say in Yorkshire.

MachineBee · 17/08/2018 17:43

I’m another one saying keep it separate. I’d even go so far as to suggest you move your money into a place where you can’t get at it easily.

Set up a spreadsheet of all your various pots of money if that helps - his and yours.

PatheticNurse · 17/08/2018 17:44

I had savings before we got married. I also kept the bulk of the savings and didn't spend them.

I did use large amounts though to do up the garden, pay towards his new car plus other stuff.... but ultimately it was mine.

If he'd got his hands on it, there would be nothing left now.

We are in the process of a divorce. He had his £40,000 redundancy money at his disposal and he spent that within the 3 months after we split.

Luckily I had my savings to pay for a SHL as he was trying to get me and the boys out and sell the house.

Divorce has cost me 8K so far

BloodyDisgrace · 17/08/2018 17:48

Keep it in a separate one even after the marriage. Nothing wrong with that.

WomanWithAltitude · 17/08/2018 17:50

Personally FlatPack if that were my situation I’d keep my money separate and give the SAHD an allowance.

You'd give your life partner, who has given up work to do your housework, provide childcare for your children and enable you to continue your career, an allowance ? Shock

Wow. That's seriously unpleasant.

WomanWithAltitude · 17/08/2018 17:51

The difference here is the genders, it's the fact that the OP is not married and has no children. Her partner isn't earning less because he is providing essential childcare.

WomanWithAltitude · 17/08/2018 17:51

^ ISN'T the genders

StripeyDeckchair · 17/08/2018 18:27

Don't put it in the joint account now or ever.

You say that your DP would be amicable and wouldn't run off with your joint money - well I would have said that about HNo1, big mistake. He cleared out our joint account after selling a house when we had all the equity money in there.

BrynhildurWhitemane · 17/08/2018 18:35

For all those saying if the genders were reversed, the bloke would be told to put the money in the joint account, that's not actually true.

The advice I normally see is that wages and bonuses get paid into a joint account, and that at the end of the month any money remaining are split equally into personal savings accounts. Also that personal savings brought into a marriage remain personal. If a couple want to have a joint savings account, money could be added to this before being split at the end of each month.

This is what I've generally seen, or variations on this basic idea.

Inthetropics · 17/08/2018 18:54

Keep it separate both now and after getting married. Sometimes the relatinship doesn't work and a bitter partner clears out the account. It happened to me. My advice would be to always have some money that you're the only person who can have acces. The same goes for him.

Jeippinghmip · 17/08/2018 18:59

keep it as yours now and even after marriage. DH & I still have separate savings accounts & separate finance after years and years of marriage

^ this

restingbemusedface · 17/08/2018 19:01

It’s common sense to keep it separate. With all due respect, how many women say they know their partner wouldn’t leave them and take their money etc...and then it does happen. My dear friend married her soulmate...who had a secret gambling addiction and lost them their house (that her grandmother had bought them). You never know what’s round the corner and should always look out for number 1.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 17/08/2018 19:07

Personally FlatPack if that were my situation I’d keep my money separate and give the SAHD an allowance.

Allowance? Ew.

I just can’t get my head around the idea of someone dipping willy-nilly into money earned by me. Even with the fact there’s no kids involved I still think some posters would have different advice for a bloke!

Yet you have nothing to back this up. Funny the way that's so often the case when people tell us it would be different if the genders were reversed.

Johnnyfinland · 18/08/2018 00:06

Yes, that’s exactly what I’d do, and if I was going to be a SAHM I’d expect the same from him. Wages paid into the earner’s account and bills/household expenses paid from that, then an amount transferred to me monthly that I could spend on myself, into my own account. It wouldn’t feel morally right to me to have unchecked access to money I hadn’t gone out and earned and I wouldn’t offer that level of access to my finances to a partner. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t want to get married

Gronky · 18/08/2018 00:20

As well as definitely keeping it in your own account, you should probably also get him to sign a prenup. He sounds controlling and manipulative with that line about 'all in one place'.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 18/08/2018 09:47

It's the calling it an 'allowance' that's the problem. Like you're doling out pocket money to a teenager, instead of being two equals in a partnership doing two equally important jobs. That's dreadful. Especially when pared with the bit about someone dipping willy-nilly into money earned by me. Language has connotations.

JustTheLemons · 18/08/2018 10:22

Keep doing what you’re doing. Joint account for bills, joint savings and your own accounts is the perfect setup IMO.

My fiancé and I do this. We pay a set amount into joint account for bills/mortgage. We are currently paying a set amount each into joint savings for our wedding next year- OH has already suggested we keep doing this after the wedding to have a healthy joint savings account. He has not suggested we pool our private savings, and if he did I would tell him a firm no. You should do the same. It just gives you that little extra bit of certainty.

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