To keep my savings separate until after marriage?

[Luki]

I think I know what the majority of MNers will say but I just want some clarification.

DP and I together for 8 years, living together for 5 years. House is in both names. We have a joint account for bills/household expenses and a joint savings account. Have discussed/planned a wedding (even down to guestlist and venue) but as yet, no proposal or date. We've had a lot of shit going on in our lives that has put everything on hold.. this is now resolved so I'm hoping this means we can move forward with things soon.

Anyway, I sold my flat a few years ago while we were in the middle of our life drama, so I have roughly 18k from that sale sitting in my personal account. Now that this drama is over, DP has mentioned moving this money into our joint savings account. At first I was happy with this idea but now I've been having second thoughts.
Note I have no intention of splitting with DP and we are both very happy in our relationship. However, the logical side of me thinks I should keep this money separate as if we were ever to split up, I would need it for paying bills/finding somewhere else to live. In the event of a split, our joint savings would obviously be halved between us. DP has a personal account too but I think he only has 1-2k in there.

Once we're married, it won't make a jot of difference but does it make me a bad person for wanting to keep my money as mine at this stage?

[Johnnyfinland]

YOU think you’re right. I don’t. I’ve also had this discussion with my female friends and they feel similarly to me that they wouldn’t feel right having access to someone else’s money or giving that level of access to theirs. They all intend to keep completely separate finances if and when they get married.

As for the holiday thing, my boyfriend and I had this recently. He earns less than me. I described a particular holiday I’d like and he said it was out of his price range. I said ok, I’ll pay a bit more towards it. He said he wasn’t comfortable with me effectively subsidising him so yes if I go it will be alone or with a friend who can afford it. I don’t really see the issues there, I offered, he declined! And no we don’t have kids, neither of us want them

[Bluelady]

If you don't want children everything you say is purely hypothetical so those of us in the real world can safely disregard it as completely irrelevant.

[twiglet]

The 18k is only a marital asset if you are based in England/Wales/NI, Scots law is different pre marital assets don't get factored in be it property or savings in the event of divorce (sorry bit of a horrid one before marriage but worth knowing the facts).

We have joint account for bills but keep our savings separate mainly as they get better returns that way then purely our joint savings and we've been married 4 years.

[Bluelady]

Just to clarify the situation re assess owned pre marriage.

www.divorceresource.co.uk/marital-nonmarital-assets.html

[Missingstreetlife]

No twiglet, her money will not become a marital asset. Only things built up in the marriage are (& there may be exception for inheritance too).
I said it way upthread. Get legal advice.

[Johnnyfinland]

But the point is even if we did have children we’d want to keep the same arrangement. Why are you so bothered about what other people do with their finances? Just because I disagree with your set up I wouldn’t try and persuade you you’re wrong and to do it my way!

[Missingstreetlife]

Cross post. Thanks blue. I also think someone posted similar previously
Op seems to have gone

[mollyblack]

Yes you need to keep the savings in your own name OP.

OH and I have always had joint finances and have always been skint. We have bought houses together (generally I've had lump sums and he has made more of the mortgage payments). There have been so many times I wish I'd not sunk "my" money in to the "family" pot as it has left me with no options at times (maybe I could have taken time to study, maybe I could have left my OH if I'd wanted to).

I stand to receive inheritance in the future, he doesn't, I have decided I will not be sharing this money with him, it will be mine for my retirement/the future. It seems selfish but my family would want me to look after myself and also gives me freedom to make decisions with what I do with my life.

[PickAChew]

Always keep your own savings. You never know what the future holds.

[CaledonianQueen]

I would refuse, if the joint account is an ISA then it could take you over your non taxable allowance anyway meaning you will pay interest on your savings twice. No way!

As for speaking to your partner, he has given you zero commitment! Discussing a hypothetical wedding is not a commitment! If he wants to be sharing things like a married couple, then you tell him that he needs to ask you to marry him, then actually do it! Although if he suddenly proposes and tries to push a wedding through quickly, then he clearly is after your money, so run for the hills!

Have you read Why does he do that, by Lundy Bancroft? I am sure there is a free copy online to read, I know that you have said that you get on great but your heart and mind are both telling you to hold back. I would listen to them! Read the Lundy Bancroft book, he might not fit any of the traits Bancroft mentioned but if he is abusive, then you have a chance to escape now. I have found the pdf version and linked it below. Good luck.

unityandstruggle.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

[MaisyPops]

Keep your money separate.
There are no children involved.
You are not married.

It's interesting that it's often the partners who are the lower earners who are always keen to have access to their partner's better finances.

I'd say the same to him and you as I do to unmarried SAHP: if you wish to have all the various access to funds, risks and protections of marriage, then marry. If you do not want to make that step, remain unmarried and protect your assets.

[Xenia]

If you marry and then divorce the court's priority is providing for the children. In most divorces there is hardly enough cash to house them so pre marital savings, inheritances and all sorts in English law are used to deal with that primary objective. It is not at all easy to keep separate (if you marry) those kinds of things so better they are given to a sibling, parent or in trust for the child if you marry than hope with your fingers crossed a judge won't later say - ah that £18k which is the main cash the couple have is going back to the wife only. It is very likely after a long marriage the £18k would go in the general pot. If you don't want that then you don't marry.

[Bluelady]

Not so Xenia. See the link above.

[Missingstreetlife]

Jesus h Christ! Can ppl not read. Op has gone, but Xenia you and others are chatting rubbish.

[PigletJohn]

@CaledonianQueen

"I would refuse, if the joint account is an ISA then it could take you over your non taxable allowance anyway meaning you will pay interest on your savings twice. No way! "

what?

[LeighaJ]

@Luki

"DP has mentioned though how happy he is in our relationship that we do share and communicate everything "as if we were already married"."

Being "almost married" is kinda like being "almost famous." I'd keep your savings as your savings.

[MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni]

YOU think you’re right. I don’t. I’ve also had this discussion with my female friends and they feel similarly to me that they wouldn’t feel right having access to someone else’s money or giving that level of access to theirs. They all intend to keep completely separate finances if and when they get married.

As for the holiday thing, my boyfriend and I had this recently. He earns less than me. I described a particular holiday I’d like and he said it was out of his price range. I said ok, I’ll pay a bit more towards it. He said he wasn’t comfortable with me effectively subsidising him so yes if I go it will be alone or with a friend who can afford it. I don’t really see the issues there, I offered, he declined! And no we don’t have kids, neither of us want them

Awwww, so you and loads of other people who have no experience or understanding of having and managing lives around kids are all sure you're right? Bless. Explains a lot though.

Really though, if you're trying to bolster your argument by saying people I know agree with me, best not to make it people who have no more idea what they're talking about than you do.

The situation when there are no children and in particular when the couple are unmarried is a bit more complicated, that's true, and that's also why the posts complaining that people aren't talking about family money were completely misplaced. But then that's why it was so dim-witted of you to be yarning on about double standards in the first place...

[Johnnyfinland]

Seriously why are you so bothered about what other people want to do with their finances? I don’t go around telling people who want to share money that they’re wrong and should keep it separate. You do you, just accept that not everyone thinks that’s the only correct way to do things

[CaledonianQueen]

Piglet depending on her account, if it is an ISA then it could have a non taxable allowance for say £20,000 but any money saved above that is subject to being taxed by the government. The OP says they have a joint savings account, I am assuming an ISA, so she could potentially take their allowance over the non taxable limit, meaning that she pays tax on the savings that are over the allowance.

www.telegraph.co.uk/investing/isas/exceeded-2017-isa-limit-should-do/

I only suggested it as a means of excuse not to move it.

[MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni]

Not accepting what other people think is kind of the point of AIBU johnny. If you post silly shit about your theoretical finances when you have kids you don't want and back this up by telling us your equally ignorant boyfriend and pals agree with you, people who know better than you are going to laugh.

[SlipperyLizard]

Xenia isn’t chatting rubbish.

The link previously posted described what marital and non-marital assets are. But it didn’t then explain what that might mean in practice in a divorce, when the courts have wide ranging powers if couples can’t agree. This link gives a more complete picture.

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2017/matrimonial-and-non-matrimonial-assets/

“Non-matrimonial assets are a little more complicated. Often you can request that they be excluded from the Financial Settlement. But this request might not always be granted. This might be because the non-matrimonial asset was used somehow in your marriage. For instance, you used the inheritance from your Great Auntie Ruby as the deposit for the family home.

Or it might be that the matrimonial assets do not sufficiently provide for your ex, or the welfare of your children. If so, the Court can rule that non-matrimonial assets be included in the Financial Settlement.”

[Johnnyfinland]

Yes AIBU is about debate but if you seriously believe that your way is the only correct way of doing things and everyone else is wrong, and carry that attitude into other topics and into real life, you’re making yourself come across as an incredibly narrow minded individual. So by your reckoning my friends and I aren’t allowed an opinion on things we haven’t experienced, like what we’d do with finances if we had kids? In that case I hope you have no views whatsoever on anything outside your little bubble

[Svalberg]

@CaledonianQueen I think you are confused between the interest earned in an ISA (which is tax-free, all of it) and the amount that can annually be invested in an ISA, which generally comes out of taxed income. The article you've linked to describes a situation where the annual limit invested is exceeded. Also, the interest gained from an ISA is not counted in the annual tax-free allowance on savings interest (currently £1000 for a 20% tax payer, I think)

[PigletJohn]

@CaledonianQueen

An ISA isn't a joint account.

Interest in an ISA is not taxable so it doesn't use up any of your interest tax allowance.

[PigletJohn]

...too slow.