To think DP is being a dick about this?

[BlairWaldorfsHeadband]

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with twins, and I’m high risk. I have complex mental health issues that include very severe anxiety.

DP insists he needs to sleep for 12 hours everyone day otherwise he feels exhausted and upset. It keeps causing arguments.

I have told DP that his sleep impacts on our lives because it stops us doing family days out, it means I have to manage DC1, who has SN, alone every morning and make the breakfasts and get ready and get organised while pregnant. It means I barely get any time with DP.

He keeps saying he will sort it and every time I bring it up I’m “nagging” which apparently makes him resistant to change and makes him less likely to sort it.

He then says I have a weird fixation on what’s “normal” and if I just accepted as a family we do things differently I would be happy.

But I am not happy. I don’t want the kind of childhood for my DCs where this happens. I come from a family where we used to get up early and go to visit castles, go for picnics, and have days out. Not waste our lives in bed. It makes me depressed and contributes to how isolated and anxious I feel.

Apparently when I mention this I am unsupportive and uncaring about his issues. He insists it’s a medical problem.

I have tried implementing household sleep schedules, letting him have a day without the dc to lie in, making him a strong coffee, but all that does is get me accused of being a control freak who wants to control his sleeping.

It’s not me is it? He’s making me doubt myself. He is being a massive dickhead isn’t it he?!

AIBU does bring out the cunt in some,true.

Are you a new poster, did you know what it’s like on here?

There’s no need for it. Look at how invested one poster is, going through my threads and trying to argue a point. There is absolutely no need.

Hide the thread and ignore it.

You’ve had some good advice , had progress with your dp’s psych.

Get some sleep, goodnight .

I don’t see why I should have to when I’m not the one starting any shit flinging.

Well, they aren’t. They’re quite happy with me, as are my own team. Sorry random internet strangers, guess it hurts to be wrong

Why would you say thankfully as if you’re taking joy in something unpleasant happening to someone? What is wrong with you?

If your mental health problems are as complex as you say they are then you will know things can change. So just because you say everything is fine doesn't mean this will always be the case, as is the nature if mental ill health. So I say thankfully for the sake of the children. Trust me I'm taking no joy in your story, it's pretty sad really.

Trust me I'm taking no joy in your story, it's pretty sad really

What’s sad here? I’m happy, DP is happy, DC is happy. We have a fairly nice life, a nice house, and a great family. There’s nothing wrong here.

That's fine then. Nothing to worry about. So why start the thread if your happy and have a great family?

Because this one thing pissed md off.

But some posters decided to have a go about me having anxiety instead.

I'm not having a go at you. It's a pretty big thing really if your partner is opting out of family life.

Well, providing we are happy with the situation and the dc are cared for I hardly see why it’s abgones business.

Anyone’s

In real life it will be other people's business though because of your history of mental health difficulties and having a twin pregnancy.

It won’t though. And it isn’t. My life is mine and has nothing to do with anyone else.

As I said, the team are happy. I saw them last pregnancy too. They saw me once and said I was fine.

I hate how some people think having MH problems means you can treat us like we are children.

single teenage mothers

I'll have you know some of us former single teenage mothers are still managing to raise our children in a non chaotic, happy and healthy home. 🤷🏽‍♀️ not sure who you think you are to judge or stereotype others.

I'm sorry you've been dragged under the bus here, OP.

I've seen it time and time again, more so here than in the relationships thread. Perhaps your perfectly reasonable post would've been better placed there.

Like a PP posted earlier AIBU does seem to bring out the cunt in some people, not that I'm referring to any specific poster.

Moons ago I had a similar experience to yourself and I closed down my account and didn't come back for a long while. Although its only strangers on the internet its hard not to get worked up and stressed out when we feel attacked, as although it is anonymous the perceived attack is indeed on you.

Don't be discouraged from posting, and I'm glad you've gotten some good advice here.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you and DP find a solution to the sleep issue.

Where have I judged anyone? I stated they’d likely need the support more than I as they’re often alone.

AsYou

Thank you. I’m not sure why some people felt the need to be so horrible either. Sorry it happened to you also - people are dicks!

What's sad is how you posted about being unhappy and now you defend him.

I've been therr. It's shit. Really shit not having a partner who wakes up in the morning at a normal time. Missing days out.

I knew it was bad but didn't realise HOW bad. It's only now 4 yrs on and I can see how absolutely shit it was.

That's what's sad.

Yes, I don’t like interviews because they make me anxious and I don’t like phone calls to certain places because they make me anxious. So what? Lots of people are anxious in interviews. It’s hardly some great crime.

Calling my parenting into question, because I have social anxiety, is absolutely not on and some of you should be ashamed of your responses

Right. So your previously ‘complex mental health issues’ is actually just a bit of nervousness in stressful situations like interviews and some phone calls, and they don’t affect your capacity to parent at all.

At least try keep your story a bit straight, yeah? You’ve lost all credibility.

All you’re doing is being rude to someone who’s been open about having anxiety.

Ah. Are you like this to your partner? Stamp your feet and cry ‘You can’t talk to me like that, I have anxiety!’ As if it (this bizarre anxiety that is simultaneously complex and severe enough to receive benefits for while also being not a problem and handled perfectly well with zero impact on your child) is an automatic get out clause for everything?

Initially I figured your partner had his reasons for needing so much sleep, perhaps a medical issue. This thread has me wondering whether he’s simply doing whatever he can to get away from you for as many hours of the day as possible.

This thread has me wondering whether he’s simply doing whatever he can to get away from you for as many hours of the day as possible.

How incredibly rude.

No actually, he isn’t. He’s had this issue since before he knew me. I’ve shown him this thread and he’s actually appalled with how I’ve been spoken to by some of you!

My partner and I are generally very happy. This is the only issue that ever causes any sort of arguments

Right. So your previously ‘complex mental health issues’ is actually just a bit of nervousness in stressful situations like interviews and some phone calls, and they don’t affect your capacity to parent at all.

No. It isn’t “just nervousness” and it isn’t just in stressful situations.

However I’m able to deal with it because I’ve lived with it for years. I don’t need help from people in dealing with it.

Good lord sorry OP this thread has really brought out the vipers. I don't know what it is that makes those people so nasty but I'd definitely ignore them. Don't engage at all it just encourages them and they've decided to kick the boot in whatever you do or say.