Not sharing recipes

[ThreeHousesNoHouse]

Aibu to find it annoying and childish when people don’t share recipes. As if it makes them special to be the only one who can make a dish.

Even giving a general direction is fair enough e.g. the chicken has paprika and cumin or ‘I put beetroot in the chocolate cake but it’s a family secret recipe so I won’t go into detail’ is fine.

My mil once told me the recipe for dh’s favourite stew she made ‘is somewhere on the internet maybe’ eyeroll.
At least own it and say ‘I want to be the only one able to make his favourite dish’.

It’s more weird when vague acquaintances won’t share. E.g. church bring and share, but won’t share the recipe.

If I make the cake at the next bring and share we will all know it’s Gladys’ recipe. If I make it at the school cake sale how will that affect Gladys?

One of my sisters has an elderly friend who died recently (in her late 90s) - she was famous for her apple cake. The friend would never share her recipe and even tho' my sister isn't a baker as such she wishes that she had that recipe so that she could make it and remember her friend and share it in her memory with other mutual friends.

That said, nobody has the recipe tho' - the friend in question wouldn't even share it with her own family.

I don't understand it at all.

I don't even know the recipe to my famously good crumble. I just chuck ingredients in until they look right. Drives my family potty. They go How much sugar to flour? And all I can say is Some. Just keep pouring till it looks right.

This annoys me to no end. I always share my recipes, even if it's something I tweaked and changed to make my own. Why the hell do people care about this sort of thing? Are they willing to make the dish on command whenever I want it?

This has annoyed me for years. I find it childish and pathetic.

I went round to a friend’s house and her dad said ‘itschivken stew for dinner and no you can't have the recipe’ Erm I don’t want it, I don’t like chicken stew very much. we were also talking in a previous job about making bolognese as everyone does itba wee bit different my buds said ‘oh mines is the best but I can’t tell you what my secret is!’eh naw love my mums is the best so I don’tgive a flying fuck what your ‘amazing’ secret is.

I love sharing my recipes.

I have never encountered this! I'm happy to share my own recipes, even though sometimes that involves quite a lot of work if it's a dish I've adapted and made my own over the years, but not written down. Writing clear directions with just the right amount of detail is something I'm still trying to master.

Years ago I spent the summer with my Aunt and she took me to a party where they had the most amazing cake.

It was something like profiteroles, only crispier and sort of glued together with a caramel glaze. a bit like monkey bread.

I asked the host and she laughed at me.

I still remember that cake, fondly, and the host, considerably less so.

Like a sort of squat croquembouche, Chardonnay?

Yes, but more biscuity.

In a cake tin and turned out.

One of my coworkers made a banana pudding for a work lunch and refused to share the recipe. It was amazing and delicious but no. It's a secret. And in fact the recipe had been stolen from another church member for her by the old woman's husband and now she "has to keep the secret". How stupid.

My mother was a wonderful cook and I grew up eating amazing dishes from her home country. I used to beg her to 'let me help' and to teach me to cook she would wave me away, saying 'you're either natural in the kitchen or you're not'. I learnt to cook once I had left home, via cookery books and Chef friend but my mother never trusted my cooking.

I now have a family, love cooking, have dinner parties but my mother does not trust my cooking. She always pushes it around the plate and says 'Its okay yeah. Okay.' with a cats bum mouth. My DH said I was exaggerating but the next time she came I cooked the same dish but said my DH cooked it - then she was raving over it. She nodded in my direction and said to him. 'I could tell the difference'.

The sad thing is that now she is 84 no longer cooks. She is showing signs of first stage Alzheimers and so those childhood recipes that she always found an excuse not to share will go with her.

I am flattered if someone asks for a recipe and will hand over willingly.

These days there are so many ways to get hold of an infinite variety of recipes that, to be honest, I think anyone who sees their own recipe as sacrosanct is somewhat deluded. So you don’t want to share your brownie recipe because it’s only for family and reeeeeeaaally close friends? Ok, whatever, I’ll check out some of the thousands of brownie recipes available online.

I have a sponge cake recipe it'll be passed on to my daughter it was given to me by a lovel old lady who I used to know when I was very young. My favourite recipe is Japanese mums chicken soo lush. New recipe I made the other day was noodles made with the fresh chicken stock from the roast Chicken pan and shredded roast chicken on top with a dash of soy sauce home made pot noodle !

I don't share my recipes but they are written down in a safe place for my future children! Of course for a good friend I'd happily share a recipe but not for just anyone. A lot are from my grandma so they're special to me.

A lot are from my grandma so they're special to me.

How does someone else making them make them less special?

They're family recipes! So I'd prefer them to just go down the family line.

SneakyGremlins Just out of interest, why would sharing your Grandmothers recipe diminish their value? I would think the more people loved them the more her memory honoured. Not being goady, genuinely want to know.

I love sharing recipes: I love expanding the remit of them and I love remembering the person they came from when I make recipes I’ve had off other people. Replication of recipes is their purpose, so more people can enjoy their deliciousness.

KC225 She has said she'd prefer them to stay in the family. I know she won't be around to know but I still feel odd about it somehow..

When I find a good recipe, or create one myself, I write it down in a notebook just for recipes. The DCs know where the notebook is if anyone wants the recipes.

They're family recipes! So I'd prefer them to just go down the family line.

Giving out the recipes doesn't stop them also going down the family line.

And handing them on to family just assumes that the next generations actually like or want those recipes. They might not do so, in which case the recipes get lost.

The mum of a school friend of mine was a fantastic cook, made really delicious buns, cakes and tray bakes. Sadly she passed away and by the time my friend got to parents house (she lived abroad) someone had "borrowed" her mum's recipe book. She never saw it again and puts out an appeal on Facebook on the anniversary of her mum's death. Her mum never shared her recipes but told my friend that her recipe book was hers when she died. Very sad.

I know, it’s so weird isn’t it? I find cooks quite competitive though. Gardeners, on the other hand, fall over themselves to provide growing tips, cuttings, etc. Lovely people.

They're just recipes. My MIL made the best pastry and casseroles I've ever tasted. It wasn't a secret, I just cant make them like her.

I love sharing recipes, I'm always flattered that someone has liked what I've made enough to ask!