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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sharing recipes

241 replies

ThreeHousesNoHouse · 16/08/2018 18:58

Aibu to find it annoying and childish when people don’t share recipes. As if it makes them special to be the only one who can make a dish.

Even giving a general direction is fair enough e.g. the chicken has paprika and cumin or ‘I put beetroot in the chocolate cake but it’s a family secret recipe so I won’t go into detail’ is fine.

My mil once told me the recipe for dh’s favourite stew she made ‘is somewhere on the internet maybe’ eyeroll.
At least own it and say ‘I want to be the only one able to make his favourite dish’.

It’s more weird when vague acquaintances won’t share. E.g. church bring and share, but won’t share the recipe.

If I make the cake at the next bring and share we will all know it’s Gladys’ recipe. If I make it at the school cake sale how will that affect Gladys?

OP posts:
RageAgainstTheTagine · 17/08/2018 13:59

As well as award winning cakes, I make my own hair products. Do I also owe anyone who asks, the recipe for those? I spent hours honing some of those, at great cost to myself (some ingredients do NOT come cheap) so why should my efforts to give myself a slight advantage in this world be simply handed over?

ClinkyMonkey · 17/08/2018 14:10

Rage - unless you're selling the hair products, now or in future, then why not? If it is a hobby, then surely you did it for your own enjoyment and fulfilment and the cost is irrelevant.

nonevernotever · 17/08/2018 14:12

I too make the french onion soup dip - and have seen it made with soured cream as well as yoghurt. I've only ever once had someone refuse to share a recipe. A flat mate at university made a lemon tart (what I now know to be the bog standard lemon juice / cream / condensed milk version) and refused pointblank to give me the recipe because it was her secret one. Fair enough - i wasn't going to argue if she felt so strongly about it. A few weeks later i was trying new recipes from my trusted WInnie the Pooh / Katie Stewart cookbook (don't laugh - it's ace!) and found a recipe for summer pie which I duly made. She hit the roof and accused me of going into her room, reading her private notebooks and stealing her recipe. I had to get the recipebook down and show her before she believed me, and even then she didn't apologise. Don't think she ever forgave me Grin

RageAgainstTheTagine · 17/08/2018 14:15

I feel similar about any craft. The end result is my own. I will make a gift of my baking or cosmetics to those who I deem worthy (smug) but not the recipe.

nonevernotever · 17/08/2018 14:15

And yes there are some things that are dependent on the maker not the recipe - an old lady I knew on Colonsay used to make the most amazing pancakes (drop scones). She gave me the recipe, and even stood over me while I tried to make them but they were never quite the same; we agreed eventually that the difference was a) eggs from her own hens b) the girdle she'd inherited from her mother and c) the Colonsay air.

RageAgainstTheTagine · 17/08/2018 14:25

I've thought of another reason it irks me; it's like being asked if someone can copy your homework. I loose nothing by saying yes, but the fact they want all the benefits with none of the work annoys me.

SneakyGremlins · 17/08/2018 14:26

I mean while I prefer not to share recipes I did say I'd share them with close friends, the people who mean a lot to me.

I also garden and am always giving away seeds, cuttings, pots, even plant food hen someone needs some!

chipswndbeans · 17/08/2018 14:56

People who don't share recipes unless it's their livelihood are pathetic.

I love these savoury pasties from a cafe near me they are £3 each FFS but so good we get one each so expensive. I could understand them not giving out the recipe. They often sell out and probably pay the rent just off them pasties.

Anyone else who says on its my mums - get a life your mum or nan or you didn't invent cake.

MorningsEleven · 17/08/2018 15:08

she lives on through her fabulous recipes

I love that attitude. Food and love are closely connected in my world.

Hillarious · 17/08/2018 15:22

It's great when you're introduced to a friend of a friend and they express delight and tell you they've been using your brownie recipe for years, how everyone loves it and how pleased they are to meet you at last and you tell them how you've tweaked and improved on the recipe even more, made a gluten-free version and a different flavoured one and would they like those recipes too.

Hillarious · 17/08/2018 15:23

nonevernotever - I love girdle scones!

MumW · 17/08/2018 15:25

I am intrigued now. What is your Xmas/birthday dessert? Give us a clue

It's known in our house as "Chocolaty Chocolate Cake". It's basically a very rich chocolate cake, made with butter and melted chocolate sandwiched together with chocolate ganache. It's in an old sainsbury's recipe book.

It also gets tweaked, for example, ground almond is removed (nut allergies), liquid flavouring (depending on recipients preference - coffee/brandy/baileys/cointreau/whatever happens to be to hand). It also works with gluten free flour.

Now wondering if the ganache could be tweaked with a drop (or large slug) of baileys.

Tanaqui · 17/08/2018 16:31

Soup dragon shared the most famous mumsnet flapjack recipe I believe!

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 16:46

Nothing wrong with guarding family recipes. Obviously you are going to treat it that way if that's how it was handed down to you.

Also nothing wrong with keeping the odd trick up your sleeve when cooking.

I've got to be honest here, there are a number of dishes where I know things that make them particularly good (usually what the chefs in the dish's home country do, but sometimes just tricks) and don't judge me but if other people ask me for the recipe they get a perfectly good standard recipe but not the one I use. So they can never quite get it as good.

I know, I'm a bad person.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 17/08/2018 17:02

I made a chicken stew once and was asked for the recipe. I prevaricated somewhat as I had used a packet mix and wasn't quite ready to admit that yet!

Butteredparsn1ps · 17/08/2018 17:10

The person who brought the (very nice) brownies refused to share the recipe, claiming it was a secret

Someone else who makes brownies with Nesquik then Grin

Grainfail · 17/08/2018 17:13

I'm from a biggish family so lots of family get-togethers with aunts cousins etc.

Usually at these parties everyone brings a dish. A couple my Mam have made have been very popular and became her go-to dishes to bring as people like them, they're easy enough to make etc.

She always happily shared the recipe until it became apparent that other people were then saying they would make them at family dos, which is all well and good except then Mam had to think of a replacement that would suits many palettes, not cost the earth etc. It literally happened to her to 4 dishes over the years which means she now has worry about prepping she didn't have before.

Maybe not the most major of things, but irks nonetheless.

Probably need to clarify that the same things are at all events so change is a big deal!

Dairymilkmuncher · 17/08/2018 17:31

Going to share on here anonymously that I do this twatty thing of secret recipes when I'm totally embarrassed that I use packets, make some amazing marinated chicken that heaps of people asked for the recipe for. It was Tesco pre made tandoori powder with yogurt.

A cake that my cake maker friend loves, Aldi packet. Sometimes I say I can't remember exactly what I put in rather than it being a secret.

If I make something from scratch no one seems to ask for the recipe ConfusedHmm

MiddlingMum · 17/08/2018 17:32

I think this was probably someone's secret recipe and they had arranged to share it by having it on their gravestone.

www.pinterest.com/pin/372672937886387285/

I'm happy to share recipes, I'm always doing it.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 17/08/2018 18:02

There was a very nice anecdote from in a book from American author, Dorie Greenspan, about how she kept asking for a chocolate mousse recipe in France and no one was willing to share it until someone took pity and told her it was the recipe on the back of a bar of cooking chocolate.

BiggerandBetter · 17/08/2018 18:12

Is it like a 'not giving your value/power away' kind of thing, and keeping your mystery ... You don't give your special knowledge away in life to just "anyone"? For peasant women their special knowledge might have been part of their power. I often do give away knowledge (not recipes), but sometimes somehow feel 'less' afterwards. Its quite an interesting subject.

BiggerandBetter · 17/08/2018 18:12

I meant power and value.

PinkLady01 · 17/08/2018 18:15

I just assume they actually bought it from Waitrose

Lurkeycakewoman · 17/08/2018 18:23

I have a few cake recipes I don't know the measurements to I just add stuff but the one that's bugs people is brownies I make a basic brownie mix add an extra 2 egg yolks and nuts and whatever else I'm adding nutella,orange, mint etc. Everyone thinks I'm lying when they try to make them. I'm not they are just over baking their brownies Hmm you tell them that they still dont believe me!!
I don't mind sharing recipes my problem is people seem to think I should just make it for them cause they can't be bothered

ImAIdoot · 17/08/2018 18:23

Going to share on here anonymously that I do this twatty thing of secret recipes when I'm totally embarrassed that I use packets, make some amazing marinated chicken that heaps of people asked for the recipe for. It was Tesco pre made tandoori powder with yogurt.

😂 Yes! Definitely this too. I have an "amazing" dish and the secret magical process basically amounts to mixing in a load of Bisto that nobody would expect you to put in that dish.