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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sharing recipes

241 replies

ThreeHousesNoHouse · 16/08/2018 18:58

Aibu to find it annoying and childish when people don’t share recipes. As if it makes them special to be the only one who can make a dish.

Even giving a general direction is fair enough e.g. the chicken has paprika and cumin or ‘I put beetroot in the chocolate cake but it’s a family secret recipe so I won’t go into detail’ is fine.

My mil once told me the recipe for dh’s favourite stew she made ‘is somewhere on the internet maybe’ eyeroll.
At least own it and say ‘I want to be the only one able to make his favourite dish’.

It’s more weird when vague acquaintances won’t share. E.g. church bring and share, but won’t share the recipe.

If I make the cake at the next bring and share we will all know it’s Gladys’ recipe. If I make it at the school cake sale how will that affect Gladys?

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 16/08/2018 23:43
. One of my favourite bits from 'Calendar Girls'. And probably very true of secret recipes.
LeighaJ · 16/08/2018 23:51

"PeckhamPauline

This has annoyed me for years. I find it childish and pathetic."

^ THIS!!!

My Nana was a great cook and didn't teach any of her kids, grandkids, or anyone else in the family to cook. Nor did she give out her recipes because she didn't want anyone else to be a better cook than her.

She was so jealous after my great-grandmother (on other side of the family) beat her in a pie baking contest that when GG made the groom's cake for my Mother and Father's wedding my Nana actually stole the cake from the church and hid it. PATHETIC!

agnurse · 17/08/2018 00:00

I find it very odd because in most cases, the person probably didn't make up the recipe! They got it from somewhere. That means it's not your intellectual property.

That said, I do understand when people say they don't really have a "recipe" to give out. My grandmother can't give out the recipe for her fabulous homemade rolls because she doesn't use one. She just adds ingredients by feel.

MyCatHasStaff · 17/08/2018 00:11

I used to know someone who was good at cakes, but if she was asked for a recipe she deliberately made a 'mistake' so they couldn't get it right. So mean.
When I was in my early 20's a friend taught me to make Christmas cake using her family recipe. Fast forward 30 years and I bake and sell them now, have done for years. My dear friend died a few years ago, and while she was ill we were talking over old times. I mentioned that I still used her family recipe and people loved it, and she was so pleased. She said her mum now had dementia and couldn't remember how to make it herself any more but would be delighted it lived on. I'm so glad I told her. I pass that recipe on myself now (I do Christmas cake workshops) and always credit my lovely friend and her mum.

BackforGood · 17/08/2018 00:42

What bluetrews, Clionba and Sarahjconnor said.

(Indeed, I used to make a lovely dip with yoghurt and french onion soup powder back in the 80s - everyone liked it but I was a bit embarrassed to say how it was made Grin

I was thinking of the cake competition in Calendar Girls (recreated in the radio promotions for MacMillan Coffee mornings this year)

Tartyflette · 17/08/2018 00:48

I'm always flattered when someone asks me for the recipe for a dish I cooked and they liked, and am happy to tell them exactly where it came from, and if I've tweaked it, to tell them what I omit or add so they can try it both ways.
I don't have that many recipes handed down from my mum, but always cook steak and kidney pudding the way she did it, (it is the absolute best ever) and was extremely annoyed when Felicity Cloake (Grauniad cook) not only dissed our method in her 'the perfect...' column but also put carrots in her perfect S&K. FFS.
I am now extremely critical sceptical about all her recipes.. I may have even added my two-pennorth to the many online comments, which were equally scathing, I'm happy to say.
As you can see, I don't bear grudges at all.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 17/08/2018 00:58

Could be a cultural thing? In Asian culture, recipes for certain dishes are made completely differently by different families and they are passed down for generations with our own added twists.

SusanneLinder · 17/08/2018 01:06

In some Italian families, recipes can be secretly guarded.

Stormi12 · 17/08/2018 01:34

Your mil is a cow. If she asks for photos? Oh they’re somewhere on my camera. Bitch.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 17/08/2018 06:33

All this sharing of recipes - I have never been asked to share a recipe not have I asked someone for a recipe. I would rather continue to make a favourite dish for someone/be famous for my coconut delights or whatever. And vice versa - oh Nancy, can't wait for you to bring in your famous choc chip cookies again.

Or maybe I'm just a spectacularly bad cook!

speakout · 17/08/2018 06:45

The reason people don't want to share recipes is that they will contain A Coleman's packet sauce or similar.

That's the bottom line.

My ex used to bang on about his mother's Braised swiss steak , I tried to recreate it many times but to no avail. She wouldn't tell me the recipe as it was a " family secret".
Obviously not such a good cook as Oh's Mummy!
Some years later when her health was failing I found out her secret - three whole packets of Coleman's beef casserole mix.

I am deeply suspicious of anyone withholding recipes and automatically assume there must be a jar in there.

Lightsonthewater · 17/08/2018 06:50

These days there are so many ways to get hold of an infinite variety of recipes that, to be honest, I think anyone who sees their own recipe as sacrosanct is somewhat deluded

Absolutely this! One of my favourite things to do with a cuppa is google and compare recipes till I find the one I like the sound of best. You can take your pick from anything from Michelin starred chefs to home cooks. If I enjoy something made my someone else, my first though is “must google”!

Many people I know say theirs or their mums is the best Scouse ever. But the best scouse is Rita’s Posh Scouse on bbc recipes - no one I know makes it that way. Try it Wink

CatsGoPurrrr · 17/08/2018 06:58

I don't get the secrecy thing at all.

My dad had a bread pudding recipe that was his Nan's. It was a tweaked Mrs Beeton's recipe. My sister has the book and the handwritten tweaks. We all have the same recipe. We all make the same dish. They all taste lovley. Yet my mums always tastes the best simply becoaue it reminds me of my childhood.

I

Sparkletastic · 17/08/2018 07:04

My MIL's secret recipe for 'Chocolate Squidgy Log' turned out to be a secret because it was directly taken from a Delia Smith book.

dimsum123 · 17/08/2018 07:14

I get the secrecy thing. Some of my best dishes started with a basic recipe off the Internet which I've then tweaked and adapted and improved and perfected over quite a long time.

So the final recipe is like my intellectual property. I own it and won't give it away like with most intellectual property.

What I will do is tell people the original basic recipe I started with. It's then up to them to spend the time and effort in tweaking it until it's perfection.

EdisonLightBulb · 17/08/2018 07:18

It's bloody ridiculous. My friends mil used to make the greatest spicy chicken, it was an Indian style recipe but she had no Asian heritage although her first husband was Indian, so I guess she got it from his family originally.

She absolutely refused to share the recipe, even with her son, for years. Even when she conceded to pass it on, it wasn't the same chicken. I think she changed the recipe so "hers" would always be best.

Pathetic.

Clionba · 17/08/2018 07:19

@MyCatHasStaff - that's a really lovely story, thank you.

Jenjenyeahyeah · 17/08/2018 07:24

Could be that the ‘recipe’ is driving to Marks and Spencer’s, spooning whatever dish it is into a homely container and not sharing the recipe because they don’t actually know it 😆

TheDuchessofDukeStreet · 17/08/2018 07:25

I have a special chocolate cake recipie which was given me by some friends in my teens. It’s the best ever and never fails to impress. Also I have my great grandmothers Christmas cake and pudding recipes. I’d be happy to share these with anyone who asked as long as I liked the person. I would find it hard to give a favourite to anybody I didn’t like. But I would never give one out with deliberate mistakes. That’s mean.

StarfishSandwich · 17/08/2018 07:29

I just chuck ingredients in until they look right.

This is me! I’d struggle to give you a recipe for anything I made but I’d happily tell you vaguely how it happened!

UrsulaPandress · 17/08/2018 07:30

Hell I don't even share my recipes with myself.

I wish I wrote them down but I'm always amalgamating different recipes, tastes great, can't remember what I did.

SoupDragon · 17/08/2018 07:30

I only have one recipe that is mine. I share it whenever anyone asks despite having spent ages tweaking and refining the original myself.

ShumpaLumpa · 17/08/2018 07:30

Whipsmart

So I asked her daughter (who’s 40 odds) if she would pass it on to me and she said No. So annoying.... I do pass on recipes but sometimes fib about the amount of butter which makes it so delish.

So you find it annoying, but you also like the power of being the only one who can make the special delicious thing, so you do it too? grin

I thought the poster was embarrassed about the amount of butter she uses so plays it down!

Whyohsky · 17/08/2018 07:35

MIL is like this - didn’t even know it was a thing! Ha! I’ve found my people. She has dishes she makes for DH that he apparently loved in childhood. In fairness, some he still does but others he couldn’t care less. But literally no chance of the recipe, at all. I’ve shared recipes with her tho!

Yogafailure · 17/08/2018 07:37

I have never had a recipe based trauma in my life wish I could cook