Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be mad at MIL!

277 replies

mmmbagels · 16/08/2018 08:58

I was in the hospital around the time of my daughter's final vaccines, and MIL said she would take her. She told me she had them done and that DD was teary but was fine.

DD is 8 months old now and I just received a letter saying it was never done. I'm bloody fuming!!!

OP posts:
piscis · 17/08/2018 12:23

It hasn't been recorded in the Red Book, but maybe she forgot it

Where I go they wouldn't do it if you do not have the red book with you. It needs to be recorded in the book.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 17/08/2018 12:29

God she's been so fundamentally dishonest, I don't think I would be able to trust her again.

Not only has she lied about it at the time - even when you asked how your DD was - but she's lied to you this week when you received the letter and asked her.

QuizzlyBear · 17/08/2018 12:29

That's unbelievable! I'm so glad you caught this OP or it could have been so much worse if - god forbid - your DD contracted one of these diseases.

Honestly I wouldn't let the crazy b*tch anywhere near my child after this. She's obviously got a screw loose and has absolutely no regard or respect for boundaries (or your child's welfare).

I usually take these MIL horror stories with a large pinch of salt but I think this one takes the biscuit in terms of the risk to your child. Wow!

piscis · 17/08/2018 12:34

The dates in the red book wouldn't match with when you were in hospital. So that shouldn't cause confusion for you or your MIL

This

InsomniacAnonymous · 17/08/2018 12:34

acquiescence "Were you really unwell/out of contact around this time? If not surely you would’ve asked at the time how they went, what did she say? What was your husband’s role?"

It clearly says in the OP "She told me she had them done and that DD was teary but was fine."

piscis · 17/08/2018 12:39

This thread is interesting from a general "Mumsnet mil" point of view that a significant number of people, when given the choice between clerical error and evil mil have gone straight for evil mil. Despite loads of evidence that clerical errors happen

But it wasn't a clerical error in the end...

madja · 17/08/2018 12:46

I'm sorry OP. I really hoped it was a mistake and not deliberate misleading from MIL.
I suppose at least you found out now rather than in the future after a nasty illness.
Really silly of her to think it wouldn't be flagged up in this day and age.

TheIcon · 17/08/2018 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

acatcalledjohn · 17/08/2018 12:48

She thought she had the right to make a decision like that regarding your DC? And people saying she didn't lie to her own son: She did. She only came clean when he actively asked.

That should be her unsupervised access revoked until your DC reaches 18.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2018 13:16

Blimey-stupid on so many levels. And just so irresponsible. That would be it as far as I was concerned. And I would hope it would be for dp too.

RuggerHug · 17/08/2018 13:19

Jesus. If she doesn't get it maybe have DH point out that if he needs to make any decisions in the future regarding her medical care, he hopes he can manage to follow what she wants and what's best, not internet waffle.

Ok maybe don't say that but I'd be bloody tempted to!

Jux · 17/08/2018 13:37

Sounds like the aunt got to her. Very stupid of her to lie, but she did at least admit it to your dh straight away.

You need to think about what you want from this long term, because obviously how you handle it now will affect how your relationship goes in the future.

Go in all guns blazing. That's probably what she was afraid of in the first place and made her lie. Your long-term relationship will be ruined.

Brush it under the table and never mention it again. You will never trust her, which will have long-term effects on her relationship with you, with dh, with dd.

Only communicate through dh, but never see her again yourself. Again long term effects on her relationship with dh and dd, and no relationship at all with you.

None of those are good outcomes, imo.

Now you need to heal this wound, I suggest you get the anger out of your system, maybe by shouting at dh a bit, or maybe by going somewhere and just screaming for a bit. When you're able to be calm about it, have a chat with mil. Don't be angry with her as yet, try to find out what she really feels about vaccines and what made her do this which includes lying to you about it.

Basically be an adult, have an adult conversation with her.

Of course, you can express your hurt, surprise and anger to her, she'll be expecting it, and it is best to get it into the open. You can also remind her that it will take you while to get past it, but that you want to.

Much the hardest route to take I think, but the one most likely to ensure a happy future for all of you.

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2018 13:43

Jux- are you anti vaccination?

LightDrizzle · 17/08/2018 13:45

I think I’m most outraged by her attempts to gaslight you in view of your illness. It was really low.
Of course lying to override the parents’ wishes on a matter of health and welfare is also about as bad as it gets and I would not be happy with her having my children I supervised. It would be a pub Sunday lunch type meetup for me I think. And I don’t mean weekly.

FilthyforFirth · 17/08/2018 13:52

Dear god. I followed this assuming clerical error. I couldnt take my DS for his last set and my DGP did. I forgot the red book so am going to double check that today, not that my grandparents are anti vax.

If I were you that would be it. She would be having no more contact with my child. Utter madness.

AdoreTheBeach · 17/08/2018 15:07

This is really sad in many ways. She lied. She made a decision about your daughter against your (and your husband’s) wishes. She disrespected your parenting decision for what she felt was the best - and lied about it.

How could you ever be sure your MIL would ever follow your parenting choices/decisions now?

This is a real breach of trust.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 17/08/2018 15:10

I can't I've she did that. It's a shame as in the end she's the one that's worse off because consciously or not, that trust has been damaged and will effect future care opportunities

mummypeepee · 17/08/2018 15:21

Could OP be confused and remembers the heel prick as first jabs?

TheIcon · 17/08/2018 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TimeForANewNameIThink · 17/08/2018 15:31

Wow, what a breach of trust, i certainly couldn't come back from that. My MIL did an equally untrustworthy thing (and then tried to lie about it). My children have had supervised visits ever since. I can't trust her, so i won't put my children at risk.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/08/2018 15:34

Nice bit of ageism there TheIcon. Why are you so angry?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 17/08/2018 15:42

I'd really hoped it was something more like they'd refused to do the jabs as she wasn't a parent, but lied so as not to worry you while you were ill and DH was meant to have booked again but forgot. But holy crap that's awful - it would take an awful lot to even think of rebuilding any trust with my MIL is she'd pulled a stunt like that.

TheIcon · 17/08/2018 15:43

I'm not angry at all. Nothing ageist about referring to an old person as old. The negative was in the other two descriptions, or would the conniving trout of indeterminate age suit you better, oh great defender of MILs?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/08/2018 15:47

You've added nothing to this thread in way of ideas to what might have happened or support for the OP. Just a nice little excuse for you to have a pop at MILs. What happened to makes you so bitter?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/08/2018 15:50

There's no reference to MILs age either. She could be 50 for all you know.