Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at MIL!

277 replies

mmmbagels · 16/08/2018 08:58

I was in the hospital around the time of my daughter's final vaccines, and MIL said she would take her. She told me she had them done and that DD was teary but was fine.

DD is 8 months old now and I just received a letter saying it was never done. I'm bloody fuming!!!

OP posts:
ResistanceIsNecessary · 17/08/2018 18:52

I'd be fucking her off from Sunday lunch. I suspect she plans to come over, play it as all sweetness and light and when it becomes apparent that you are still hugely pissed off, she'll turn on the tears to make you feel guilty.

Jux · 17/08/2018 19:04

@BertrandRussell no. Absolutely not anti-vax!

BertrandRussell · 17/08/2018 19:19

Sorry,Jux. I just couldn't think of any reason why anyone would be anything but 100% furious! You must be a nicer person than me.

Jux · 17/08/2018 19:32

MILs are potentially a great role within the wider family. OP and her MIL must have got on pretty well otherwise MIL wouldn't have been the one taking dd for jags. If you have a MIL whom you can ask to do that sort of thing, then she's worth hanging on to. OP has been very badly let down, very badly indeed. If OP can possibly find it in herself to go towards healing that breach, then she'll potentially be reaping the benefit for years to come.

OK, if MIL lets her down again it's a different story, but from what I've read here, I think mil is pretty normal and will not let her down again.

If OP decides to wash her hands of it then that'll be it.

Jux · 17/08/2018 19:36

Oh, and yes, i'd be furious but fury is a short-lived passion and when it's gone you have life as usual to get on with and it's easier to do that if you haven't done anything drastic while you've been engulfed in fury. Best to leave big decisions with large ramifications to a cooler time, when you've had a think and put your adult head back on!

Of course we don't know if this is a habit of mil's, and the latest and worst in a whole string of let downs and lies.

KreigersClones · 17/08/2018 19:44

Omg, cheeky cow!

Teaandcrisps · 17/08/2018 20:05

Wow! Just wow. So how does the relationship for your DP and his mum pan out from here? You can distance yourself - but what about his trust in his mum? I would be wary from this point on tbh.

Goth237 · 17/08/2018 20:42

Holy shitting shit balls. I would tell her where she can shove Sunday roast! No way would she be coming over. And not only did she lie but she did it twice! Lied about taking her and then lied when you asked her about it! No apology, from what I've read. I would be beside myself with rage! I hope your DH has told his mum to GTFO.

Tistheseason17 · 17/08/2018 21:00

Huge breach of trust.
Your child's health is your business. In offering to take and then not going she purposely put your baby at risk.

You are a much better person than me as I could not get over this.

I mean, what happens act time she disagrees with your parenting? She outright lied to you about this - what else?

Mehaveit · 17/08/2018 21:06

Yes her not taking her is awful but the bit that would raise alarm bells with me is the lying repeatedly to you but admitting it to DH. What kind of a relationship can you have with your MIL after that level of disrespect?

Yupindeedy · 17/08/2018 21:13

I’m sorry but if my MIL deliberately chose to deceive me in order to put my DC at risk of harm, she’d never see them again. The betrayal is staggering.

Lunde · 17/08/2018 22:29

Wow - what a terrible betrayal of trust!

Not only did she lie about taking the baby but invented a whole story about dd being "teary" after vaccinations, tried to gaslight you by claiming she took her for a different set of vaccinations that you took her for, and continued to lie and lie!

She overruled the parenting decisions that you and DH had made, left your dd vulnerable to dangerous diseases and refused to be honest about it even when challenged directly by you.

I think you need some time to process what has happened and what to do given her total lack of respect. No roast dinner for her until you have had some time to think about this and what sort of contact you want in future.

NinjaPig · 17/08/2018 22:31

So what did you say to her regarding Sunday lunch?

winterisstillcoming · 18/08/2018 00:02

Tell her the chickens been vaccinated.

MustShowDH · 18/08/2018 00:04

Wow. Wonder how lunch will go????

AdoreTheBeach · 18/08/2018 05:58

I would wonder if Sunday lunch is too soon to see her - after discovering her lies and disrespectful nature. Might be best to put being with her off for a week or two (or 20).

Perhaps having DH advise MIL that “when you’re ready to see her, an invitation would be forthcoming and to kindly leave us all alone until then. Anything else would exacerbate the problem.”

Sounds as though MIL doesn’t respect your privacy either if she can simply decide she’s coming for Sunday lunch. Does she have form for simply showing up too?

golddustwomen · 18/08/2018 06:22

I genuinely don't think I could ever talk to my MIL again. This actually sounds like something my MIL would do 🙄
She has bare face lied to you twice now, once originally in hospital when she said your dd was teary but fine, and a second time claiming she definitely did take dd. How dare she make the decision to vax or not. Then invite herself over for dinner ! Cheeky F of the highest level!

CanuckBC · 18/08/2018 06:56

Hell to the no! This woman would not be gracing my table let alone my house in that short of time after learning this information. She has yet to grovel, ummm, properly apologize to you and then had the nerve to invite herself into your home for you to cook for her!!!

She must have some balls on her to think she is going to pull that off! I would be conveniently out of the house enjoying a delightful lunch or dinner or whatever extended meal she has invited herself too. Leave some different lights on and either a radio or TV so she won’t know if someone is home and not answering or not. Why, just because.

Helloisitteaurlookingfor · 18/08/2018 08:19

It definitely seems she's trying to sweep this under the carpet and carry on like nothing has happens which is infuriating in itself as she obviously doesn't get how terrible what she did was.

OP, I'm guessing your DH was the one who had the conversation with her about Sunday lunch, what was his response to his mother?

Specky4eyes · 18/08/2018 08:25

Are you going to have her round?

KeiTeNgeNge · 18/08/2018 08:49

So, what are you going to cook for her Op?

S0upertrooper · 18/08/2018 10:18

I'm not sure where I sit on the vax/anti vax debate (my DS is adult now) but if anyone did what your MIL did it would be the end of my relationship with them. I'd probably get a babysitter, let MIL come round for 'Sunday lunch' and then give her a roasting. She would be fed 3 courses of hard facts and sent away with an empty stomach and a lot of food for thought.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 18/08/2018 10:23

Have dh ring her and tell her not to cross your doorstep ever again.
No way would she be seeing my dc again.

BertrandRussell · 18/08/2018 10:31

No-ring her yourself. Dp can make his own decisions.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 18/08/2018 10:38

Id tell her to forget me cooking a roast for her again

Swipe left for the next trending thread