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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at MIL!

277 replies

mmmbagels · 16/08/2018 08:58

I was in the hospital around the time of my daughter's final vaccines, and MIL said she would take her. She told me she had them done and that DD was teary but was fine.

DD is 8 months old now and I just received a letter saying it was never done. I'm bloody fuming!!!

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 16/08/2018 14:19

Which vaccine do you think she's missed? The 6 in 1?

To be mad at MIL!
Original poster
mmmbagels · 16/08/2018 14:23

The 6 in 1, pnemococcal and men B (the 16 weeks ones)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/08/2018 14:28

It does look like MIL didn't take her doesn't it Sad

SlowDown76mph · 16/08/2018 14:29

Which is more likely? GP database cock-up or MiL lying..?

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 16/08/2018 14:31

If it's not in her red book then it didn't happen.

I know my GP won't do it without the red book.

Strawberry2017 · 16/08/2018 14:35

I really hope for your sake it's just a mistake because for someone else to make that decision for you is completely out of order.

FromNowOn · 16/08/2018 14:39

If it's not in her red book then it didn't happen.

I know my GP won't do it without the red book.
Ours will, so that’s not always the case. Actually last time we forgot the red book and they still vaccinated.

ToastyFingers · 16/08/2018 14:45

I don't think there's anything in my kids red books really. The only person who ever asked for it was the health visitor, and we've only seen her a handful of times.

Dd1 had been with a few different consultants over the years too, and none of them have ever asked to see it.

sockunicorn · 16/08/2018 15:02

im so confused. what would MIL gain from lying about this? surely it makes no sense. sounds to be like they just made a mistake at the drs.

Helloisitteaurlookingfor · 16/08/2018 15:15

How odd! Does your MIL have form for going against your wishes or having a very different parenting style? I'm hoping it's an error on the GP's side though, especially after all this time.

madja · 16/08/2018 16:21

Well my MIL would certainly do something like this, as she didn't vaccinate her sons and didn't want me to vaccinate ds.
Does she have form for being sneaky to push boundaries?
Really hope it's a clerical error, because otherwise MIL has messed up.

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2018 16:42

Any update, OP?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/08/2018 16:45

Is MIL anti vax OP? Did she say she had the red book with her on that day if so how does she account for it not being stamped?

ElseaMoon · 16/08/2018 16:45

I'd be livid if she didn't take her for jabs. My MIL knows I'm very pro vaccination much to her annoyance.

Cablestitch · 16/08/2018 16:46

Could be either. My mother would, and frequently did, lie about taking me for medical stuff. It was weird as generally it was stuff that was straightforward, free and that she had time to easily take me to as she didn't work. Eventually my dad worked it out as he queried something that was clearly medical negligence if she'd really taken me to an appointment and been ignored as she claimed. He took me to the doc and the whole trail of lies emerged. No reason for her to have done it though.

On the other hand, I've also experienced recordkeeping mistakes with the NHS. Hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

Nanasueathome · 16/08/2018 16:49

I took my grandson for his injections when he was around 3.5 years...can’t remember exactly
I forgot the red book but the nurse filled in forms and gave me a copy for the red book. She also spent a long time updating the computer system with all the necessary information re the jabs
My grandson told everyone that the lady had stuck nails in his arms and was never going again
Not long after, my daughter had a letter from the gp advising that he was due injections
She queried this with the surgery and was told he definitely needed them
She took him and again had the ‘nails ‘ episode
Turns out that he has now had them twice, although the gp has said this is not a problem
So it could be a mistake by the surgery

DartmoorDoughnut · 16/08/2018 16:53

Hope you’ve managed to sort it out

notsohippychick · 16/08/2018 17:04

I received a duplicate letter about jabs but my son was in the system twice for some reason and this was picked up around 12 weeks at the time of the vaccinations.

I do smell something a tad fishy here!!!

Bambamber · 16/08/2018 17:09

I got those letters for months but my GP could see on their records that she had it done. Apparently there's some kind of national database or something and there can be delays in it being updated and that s where the letters come from. I wouldn't worry just yet until you hear from your GP surgery. Could she be getting confused and all the dates mixed up? Or is there reason to believe she would deliberately lie?

Tentomidnight · 16/08/2018 17:11

Tell your MIL you’re not angry, you just need the truth so you canget the missed vacc done if needed.
Then she’s more likely to admit if she lied. If she lied, read her the riot act for puttingyour DC at risk, and get your DH involved.

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2018 17:13

Not angry? I would be incandescent!

The baby’s medical records will show what vaccines she’s had- it’s not just written in the red book. And it might even say who brought her.

Smurfybubbles · 16/08/2018 17:47

Our surgery will only do jabs with the red book and they fill in the details in there as well as straight into the system as they have to record who is giving the consent in behalf of the child to have it done!

If it is an admin error (ie jabs were administered but not recorded) it's a big one, it's so important that these things are logged correctly in their systems.

The red book for me was sold as a bible to take everywhere with me, it was required for all initial appointments like heel prick, hearing test and jabs but I recently saw my GP and a consultant for the shape of my sons head and no one even looked at the red book! It was also wishy washy when it came to midwifes and HV's filling it out. They need to be consistent with these things.

I agree with a previous poster that simply saying to MIL that you won't be angry you just need to know is the best route for now.

apriljune12 · 16/08/2018 17:55

Could mil be confused? I don’t senile before I get jumped on I am a mil myself but unless she has form for lying it seems a really odd thing to lie about.

Why would she?

Seems far more likely to be a mix up if she has no form. As an ex nurse I can tell you surgeries and hospitals fuck up notes all the time.

Personally I would ask your GPS advice and move on.

BifsWif · 16/08/2018 18:41

Any update OP?

Santaclarita · 16/08/2018 18:46

Phone the GP first and check its not a mistake.

Then blame her. But it could be an admin error. Best to check that first.