WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

[Santasjinglebelle]

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

then their parents should take them to see a doctor, but I don't think making them wear pull-ups at age 8 is helpful at all!

In your medical opinion why is that?

As I said previously, the bladder control clinic at our major children’s hospital refuses to see bed wetters under 12yo as they consider that it is indeed normal for a certain number of kids to wet the bed up to this age.

Prior to ‘qualifying’ for this clinic we saw a few paediatricians who have this as an interest area and they all said completely normal. One did some investigations at 10yo to make sure there was no physical problem but none would prescribe any meds (didn’t work when the bladder control clinic prescribed them anyway), they said it was just a time issue.

Meanwhile you use pull ups as washing loads of pj’s, sheets and scrubbing mattresses is not really possible of a morning. I found those disposable bed mats just got scrunched up under them as they moved around during the night and irrespective there are still wet pj’s to deal with. I wet until 10yo, this is decades ago, long before pull ups and modern wee mats came into being. Apparently I did wake up and would go into their room every night to say I had wet and they would change wet sheets and pj’s (they used a mattress protector). Christ I feel sorry for my parents. They would have jumped for joy if pull ups had of been available.

SIL is an absolute cheeky fucker.

State that ... you really want to help the children to manage their bedwetting in exactly the same way that she manages it at home

Except that she does not:

I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.

And

Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.

And why should she do it? Neither the right person, nor the right place, nor the right time.

DS's bedwetting was entirely hormonal (he produced urine at the same rate day and night, whereas the hormone usually means that urine production at night is hugely slower)

Snap - same here. Even with meds to mimic hormone we had reduced volume but not as much as would be expected and no waking. It didn’t all ‘kick-in’ until 15yo which is when hormone kicked in naturally. The body is a strange thing and often does not know about the ‘rules’ it’s meant to conform to.

I think some dc will wet the bed. Mine were all dry in the day around 2 but ds was a heavy sleeper and still had problems going into secondary school. It did stop but I remember being mortified when he went to a friends sleepover

We did go to the clinic when he was about 8.

I think your dsis has a cheek. She should be appreciative you are looking after her dcs and understand your concerns and not dictate. Use pull ups if needed

Your house your rules...your sister is a cf...do not stand for this ...all my kids wore pj pants up to age 9 / 10.. took the, that long to be dry at night ...some kids just don't have bladder control at night...no way would I have two kids in my house for a week giving me smelly wet sheets every day..not a chance ....pj pants every night or tell your sister to come home and care for her own kids.

better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way

This, I imagine will only work if you leave them in their own piss all night - not many of us would be prepared to do that.

I'd be tempted to buy 50 sets of shoes and some sweaty mattress protectors.

Make the kids change their own sheets and put them into a bag. Give your sister the 50 sets of pissy sheets to wash.

Give your sister the bill for the sheets and mattress protectors. How dare she!

"better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way"

If sister is doing that she must at least have some mattress protectors you could borrow?

I'd be fetching those and all the kid's sheets as well.

All of that said-surely her approach is wrong-unless she thinks that they are doing it deliberately?

I can't think that many kids of that age would deliberately wee in pyjama pants rather than get up & use the loo would they?

I have an autistic DS age 7.5 He was dry in the night from 4 but still had loads of day accidents until last year.

If I were lucky enough to have a supportive person willing to look after my boy (I don't) then I would give them advice as to his routine etc but let them do the looking after whichever way they thought best

I can see why pyjama pants would be unhelpful if there was a long term plan to get him dry, but if your sister had committed to making dry nights a priority then that would be the time to forgoe holidays until this was sorted - or discuss this beforehand to see if you were on board.

She's a CF - I'd be refusing future favours and sending her your laundry bill.

In the meantime try to get them to wear the pants and use protective sheets -- i you need to buy them make sure your sister pays you back.

Good luck!

*sheets, not shoes

Buggerit!

better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way

What bollocks! Firstly that suggests that the child is deliberately wetting the bed, extremely unlikely. Secondly bed wetters are usually very deep sleepers, they won't have a clue they are lying in wee as they will be fast asleep. My ds wouldnt know his bed was wet until I woke him in the morning, he would even sleep through his alarm clock.

You are doing your sister a massive favour, she would have to fork out ££££ for a babysitter or childcare, or not go at all. She is being a CF not telling you fully about the bedwetting. You are looking after them, so it is your rules, your sheets and mattress will be soiled. Send her the invoice for cleaning them, or new mattress. Put them in Pyjama pants, tell the kids as you are looking after them they will need to wear them. Why not put them over their regular pants.

It is extra work that you don't need for you, plus use of your electricity cleaning sheets and soiled bed clothes. I would not look after them overnight, again, until they are dry.

I mean she was quite the cf here

Definitely get the involved in it all
And look at getting a pack of puppy piddle pads
May save the sheet
Atleast you're then only replacing the cover...

I don't really understand why you agreed to have them to be honest.

While it's not unusual to be wet still at their age, I find it a coincidence that both are still wet. I suspect laziness on your sister's part otherwise if they are seeing someone, which I would expect at their age, surely she would have talked to you before about how they are managing it at home.

You have a key to her house. Go and fetch all the bedding you need for the remainder of the holiday. Even if that means taking the bedding off all their beds. Double sheets can be folded under on a single mattress. Check whether they have waterproof sheets on their beds at home and get those as well. Grab any sleeping bags.

Make the laundry your sister's problem. I assume if she's washing sheets on a regular basis then she will have plenty in. Or you might find the PJ pants there, or the disposable sheets etc.

Your sister is completely unreasonable.

I would text her and say they wear the pullups OR she can come and collect them immediately. Or she'll be paying for new mattresses for your home.

Appalling.

I do like the idea of taking all the bedding out of her house, though, and using it and letting her deal with the clean up of it all when she gets home. SHe's left you with a timely, expensive (constant washing requires electricity, water and washing up powder) problem for no good reason. She's out of order.

I agree with the suggestions by minisoksmakehardwork and BewareOfDragons.

Get some waterproof mattress covers (or black bin liners will also do the job). Make the beds up with 2 sets of bedding/waterproof covers. When the inevitable happens, you can whip off the top set, quick change of pyjamas for the kid and straight back into a fresh set of bedlinen and you can deal with the bundle of wet clothes and sheets in the morning.
Not unreasonable to insist on nappy pants after a couple of wet beds IMO.

Has she replied yet

Ask her do they wet every night or just odd accident

Minisoksmakehardwork how can a parents laziness make their child wet the bed?

I'm sorry I don't understand this at all what does laziness have to do with bed wetting?

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/bedwetting//*

Please can all the ignorant people read the link.

The NHS say that causes of bedwetting are

•	produces more wee than their bladder can cope with
•	has an overactive bladder, meaning it can only hold a small amount of wee
•	is a very deep sleeper, so they don't react to the signals telling their brain their bladder is full

Nowhere does it mention lazy parents, it also goes on to say that bedwetting RUNS IN FAMILIES

So hardly uncommon for two siblings to both both wet the bed.

State that ... you really want to help the children to manage their bedwetting in exactly the same way that she manages it at home

Ah, one of those occasions when tone didn't come across on screen.

What I mean is that she cannot refuse to let you manage it as she does, so she has to tell you how she manages it. It is quite likely that that includes equipment you don't have - mattress and duvet protectors, alarms, lots of extra sheets - or procedures you can quite reasonably object to - allowing them to sleep in wet clothes and bedding all night.

Once she says what she does, then you can either object - 'No, I'm not leaving them in wet sheets all night' - or ask for all the equipment or all the money towards it. She will have LOTS of sheets, for example, so you could simply agree that you will bag them up for her to wash when she gets back.

Or it may be that they don't wet much at home - there were lots of 'little' ways I managed DS's bedwetting that became so ingrained that I didn't consciously think about them and by saying e.g. Dnephew has already wet 2x each night and DNiece once' you are showing the extent of the problem.

As I said before, I take lots of 9-10 year olds on residential stays each year. Almost all parents warn and equip us for bedwetting. The only time in all the years I have been irritated with a parent was when they had not warned us and not only was the child wet every night but also had no spare pyjamas or bedding. 'Oh, they only wet a couple of times a week at home, we thought since they weren't away for very long it probably wouldn't happen and we didn't want to make them feel different or embarrassed by mentioning it to you or by giving them their usual drynite pants'. Grrr!

Cantkeep fair enough.

Though I still dont think that the OP should be expected to exert even that much effort on this. Her sister's behaviour has been as unreasonable as that of the parents you describe in your last para.

My 2 year old niece is not even wearing nappies for bedtime. I know she is advanced but I imagine plenty of children have been similarly successfully trained.

Fgs there really are some thickos on here today aren't there?

You can't 'train' a child to be dry at night.