WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

[Santasjinglebelle]

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

I thought the same FASH It seems pretty odd as I too have never known any so old bar ones that have other issues. And it does seem odd both are this way looking at others posts most seem to say only one of there children was effected this way at such an old age.
I guess I’m lucky my girls never did so from toilet training onwards but I can see obviously it’s a hard situation and a very costly one.

I'm sorry but I don't agree with you OP.

At their ages, they need to learn and by placing them in baby pants they'll never learn.

You knew they wet the bed so shouldn't have offered if you didn't want to deal with it.

@FASH84

No problem. It isn’t even considered an issue that required further investigation until 7/8 so I think that probably reassures many parents that it is normal. Although probably not discussed!

@MrsSnootyPants2018

“Baby pants”? Wow aren’t you a charmer.

If the issue is reduced hormone production all the wet beds in the world isn’t going to train them

@JacquesHammer then their parents should take them to see a doctor, but I don't think making them wear pull-ups at age 8 is helpful at all!

The OP knew this was an issue and shouldn't haven't said yes if she couldn't deal with it.

I think it’s quite common to wet the bed over the 4, when DC were in reception to year one I knew at least 5 kids who were still bed wetting may have been more as I only knew about children whose mums I was friends with.

then their parents should take them to see a doctor, but I don't think making them wear pull-ups at age 8 is helpful at all!

Doctors won’t investigate until 8....

And how is them waking in a wet bed helpful? It won’t train them!

Op said one of them was 8 so it can be investigated and as they both do it it could be an underlying genetic issue which they would look into.

There are many other options not just baby pants (and yes that is what they are!) their are absorbent mats to go under the sheets, she could possibly make access to the toilet easier, restrict fluid intake a little later in the day.

I stand by saying that if she couldn't cope she shouldn't have said yes to caring for them.

Is it really common for seven and eight year olds to wet the bed? Genuinely curious as I've never known any not dry by that age other than one who had complex additional needs.

But quite possibly you have known some, without being aware of it? A lot of parents might try not to mention it about their child. I would say it's normal (but not "really common"). My own DC's were aged 2, 4 and 7 when they became reliably dry at night.

Also, OP put she doesn't have the inclination to sort it, then don't care for them plus thinking sending an 8 and 7 year old on a plane somewhere as a result of bed wetting as a reasonable suggestion is just beyond ridiculous! Why not find a family
Member who does have the inclination to actually care for them and the needs they come with.

4 kids: 3 dry in the day by 2yrs, the other at 2.5yrs. The one who was dry at 2.5yrs in the day was also dry at the same time at night. One was dry at 3yrs, one at 4yrs and the other at 6.5yrs.

No difference in how I toilet trained them in the day nor how I treated night time accidents. I really don’t get the argument that it’s a reflection of my parenting. I just think the one who was dry at night by 2.5 had a more mature physiology than the one who took until 6.5. 🤷‍♀️

There are many other options not just baby pants (and yes that is what they are!)

So why are they produced in older child, teen and adult sizes?

their are absorbent mats to go under the sheets, she could possibly make access to the toilet easier, restrict fluid intake a little later in the day

None of which help if the hormone is missing, and in fact restriction of fluid is completely against consultant advice.

I was still wetting the bed at 7, maybe even 8. I'd potty trained at 2.

I grew out of it. I've never wet the bed since. It really is no big deal.

Do the kids sleep heavily? If so, could you semi wake them an hour after they have gone to sleep, walk them to the toilet and the put a pull up on over their knickers on the way back to bed?

Otherwise, I like the suggestion of going to stay at your sisters house and letting them wet her beds and duvets.

My 2 got dry at 7 and 6. 7 yr old was chronically constipated and it wasn't until we sorted that she stopped.
I must admit, the night she wet the bed FOUR times in one night, I gave up changing and just put a towel over the wet patch for the rest of the night. She stopped pretty quickly after that.

Is it really common for seven and eight year olds to wet the bed? Genuinely curious as I've never known any not dry by that age other than one who had complex additional needs

I'm sure you have - according to ERIC, 2 children in each class of 30 aged 7 will wet. In many cases you won't know about it though, it's not something people necessarily share.

There are several reasons a child might still be wetting - overactive/small bladder, hormonal lack, poor communication between bladder and brain. There are treatments but of mixed success, and often the issue is a combination of all these. Kids can be given drugs, night alarms, got to drink more, or all three.

Of course, it can occasionally be a symptom of underlying psychological issues but most of the time its a physical problem.

My kids (8 and 6) are perfectly normal kids and still wet most nights. They were both dry in the day from about 2.5 with no problems at all. We have asked for a referral for the 8 year old,but they said it would be months and that it is very much on the normal spectrum so they're not concerned.

My ds wet the bed till 7. It wasn't a conversation I generally had with many people. Some of the responses on here are a good indication why.

I wet the bed quite a bit until about 8. I was a really heavy sleeper. I just struggled to wake up.

I stand by saying that if she couldn't cope she shouldn't have said yes to caring for them.

She agreed on the assumption they would be in PJ Pants (which aren’t baby pants) only to find that her sister told the children they weren’t allowed to wear them.

OP put she doesn't have the inclination to sort it

They aren’t her children to “sort”.

then their parents should take them to see a doctor

Yes. Their parents. Not the OP.

I'm still shocked at how many people don't realise that night time dryness is hormone related and (except in a few rare circumstances) cannot be trained. My son was dry at night BEFORE we potty trained him. I hadn't even clicked that he was until during potty training he asked not to wear pull ups at night. He was just under 3 and asked to come out of nappies and he was mortified that he'd have to wear pull ups, like a baby (no difference in his head to nappies) at night. Please bear this in mind when tackling your current situation as these children are at an age where they will feel humiliated very easily. In your situation I would use the absorbent mats under the sheets (cheaper to buy puppy training mats and are same thing). Then do up bed with sheet, pad, sheet, pad as many times as you have spare sheets for, then in the night just whip off one layer. I do feel for you OP as it's not a pleasant job but I wouldn't offer to have kids overnight unless i was prepared to deal with accidents.

I take 9-10 year olds away on residential trips. We normally have about 5% who wet the bed who we make a variety of adjustments for (ranging from pyjama pants, medication, late night lifting, spare sleeping bags, bed mats) not counting any children with SEN.

They are almost never the children you might expect - there is absolutely no link between late development of night time dryness and any other aspect of development.

I'm still shocked at how many people don't realise that night time dryness is hormone related and (except in a few rare circumstances) cannot be trained.

Me too.

The ignorance on this thread astounds me. It's normal for kids to still be wetting the bed at 7 and 8. They can't help it.

Having said that, I don't think it's unreasonable for op to expect them to wear pull ups in bed while they are staying with her.

This is one of the recurrent topics ..
As pps have said it is normal but not usual to wet the bed in junior school years. It is not related to daytime dryness or toilet training techniques or laziness and very unlikely to be a sign of a physical problem or developmental delay.
For some reason many people are unaware of these facts.
The children get there eventually when their bodies are ready. One can use medicines and alarms etc to help if the children are upset but in most areas treatment wouldn't be considered in under 8s and it doesn't always work until later.
Please don't embarrass the children or act as if they are slovenly or dirty.
Parents develop techniques for wet beds. My sons wore drinites/ nappies but other families double make the bed and put waterproof sheets and absorb any mats on.
It is extra washing and you get used to it but reading washing threads on mumsnet there are families galore who wash towels after only 1 wear or school uniform daily so and extra sheet and pair of pyjamas is no worse.
In your case OP I would have a chat with your sister rather than getting up in arms.as I said before I went with the nappy pants option and I don't really understand why your nieces can't do this for a week.

I would text your DSis and ask how she manages her children's bedwetting at home - does she have specific equipment (waterproof matress or duvet covers, washable duvets, bed pads) you could collect or buy? State that your nephew has already wet the bed once, and you really want to help the children to manage their bedwetting in exactly the same way that she manages it at home - please could she advise?

I would also recommend, on a practical level, front-loading drinks - aim for the children to drink LOTS but earlier in the day (DS's doctor suggested at least 3 cups before 10 am, for example) and avoiding purple or fizzy drinks. No drinking after 7 pm at night, and double-emptying the badder before bed (DS did this by going to the toilet both before and after his evening shower - the second toilet trip was to force out any remaining liquid).

DS's bedwetting was entirely hormonal (he produced urine at the same rate day and night, whereas the hormone usually means that urine production at night is hugely slower) and he was not absolutely reliably dry until he left primary school. Pyjama pants were useless after a while as he produced so much urine, so we lifted him for a toilet trip at our own bedtime.