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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it's futile trying to stop a 7.5 year old boy showing off and being silly?

335 replies

Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 18:13

Exactly that. He'll try to be the real clown, the silly one - sometimes it's good natured, other times (like today in a changing room with two other kids, a girl and a boy that he's doing a swimming class with) he starts shouting, 'I can see you vagina and your penis!'.

It's embarrassing and very annoying. If it's not that sort of stuff, it's just generally trying to push boundaries, be the funny one.

How do I stop it? Can I? Am I being realistic given his age? He
We talk to him about it and I think he 'hears' but then, in the moment, of course he does exactly the same.

OP posts:
whenwillsummerend · 16/08/2018 20:33

As Georgie said, in PE, at home, in the bath etc. It's quite fascinating to a lot of little girls when they realise boys have willies. The girls in DSs class are no 'better behaved' than the boys.

ethelfleda · 16/08/2018 20:33

I think intonation is very important here and as none of us were there - only the OP could tell us more about that.

Saying something along the lines of "ommmmm I can see your penis" for example is very different to saying it with the intention of making the other children uncomfortable for instance. (Either way it is inappropriate behaviour and the OP knows that and is trying to rectify it) but I do think his intentions are important here - especially to stop it from happening again! Simply asking the question "why did you say it" the OP has already said that her son essentially wanted to make people laugh... he didn't say that he wanted to make those children feel uncomfortable!

I would imagine that the reasons that some men go on to commit sexual assault are MUCH more complex and more numerous than simply using inappropriate language as a 7 year old though!! Seriously!
I'm no expert but I'd imagine that many, many factors would determine a predatory nature in men - and it's really not a good idea to suggest that every boy who makes comments like this will grow up to become a rapist!!

funinthesun18 · 16/08/2018 20:34

fatfeckingmavis

I get you now (I think). There was nothing untoward in his behaviour in a sexual way because he’s 7, but it still might have made the other children feel embarrassed and both children should be acknowledged not just the girl.

I bet that hasn’t helped and I’ve still not got it! I’m totally confused myself now.

midgesummer · 16/08/2018 20:39

Girls are definitely capable of giggling about private parts, it is a developmental stage not a sex exclusive one, I am the parent of both sexes and although I would say my ds was more focused on it than my dd it afflicted them both.
I also work in safeguarding and post sex abuse work with dc I agree with pp this isn't a safeguarding issue.
I n my experience safeguarding issues are caused by access to pornography, abuse of all sorts, mimicking the witnessed behavior of adults and spending time in damaging environments.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/08/2018 20:44

When are girls always saying to boys they can see their willies

You're kidding, right...?

Little girls CAN BE just as obsessed with body parts and 'willies' as boys of that age are.

My BF's DD was, from the age of about 5 to now 8-ish.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 20:47

Jesus, who suggested it was a safeguarding issue? Hmm
It’s not, but it is rude and silly, and shouldn’t be just accepted because “they all do it”.
If we ignored all poor behaviour on the grounds that they all do it; none of them would ever learn not to.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/08/2018 20:49

FFS. The OP is not ignoring it!

🤯

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 20:51

I was just wondering in what circumstances all these willies were swinging free, Dowager!
Their sibling’s in the bath, sure. Not sure where else they’d be confronted by one, going about their daily business.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 20:54

I didn’t explicitly say the op was ignoring it. Some posters seem to think it’s a perfectly age appropriate thing to do, though.
So is picking your nose in public, but that shoudn’t pass unremarked either.

funinthesun18 · 16/08/2018 20:54

getting changed for PE, swimming changing rooms, toilets?

whenwillsummerend · 16/08/2018 20:56

European beaches, running through sprinklers in the garden, getting changed at friends houses etc etc

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/08/2018 20:57

Those places are very rarely mixed, though. Except the swimming changing rooms, but kids tend to be accompanied by their parents there.
Which reins most of them in, but not op’s son...

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/08/2018 20:58

You're giving people a caution about ignoring bad behaviour - when not one single person, least of all the OP, thinks this is the way forward.

Confused
funinthesun18 · 16/08/2018 20:59

My 3 year old wiped a bogey on the window on the bus the other day. I’ve seen him pick his nose but never go that far! I wiped it off and told him it’s yucky obviously, but I did have a quiet giggle at that one. Grin

Sorry, I’ll head to the crap parent bin now...

midgesummer · 16/08/2018 20:59

True, I haven't read a single post saying OP should just ignore it.

georgie262 · 16/08/2018 21:00

I think it’s also fair to not that at 7 (Y2) most children have just had their first sex education lesson (these are you private parts) and are just comingnround tonthe idea thatbthere is something different about willies vaginas that they hadn’t really considered before. Making them fair game for silly behaviour. Of course it should be pointed out as inappropriate and rude behaviour but it shouldn’t be made into too much of a big deal either.
They have literally just watched the pantosaurus video

GoatWoman · 16/08/2018 23:12

Ok so now we have people finding smearing snot on windows as endearing as the swimming changing room incident.

Utterly fucking rank.

georgie262 · 16/08/2018 23:14

Goat- you have now lost any credibility well done 👍🏼

madmomma · 16/08/2018 23:22

Ffs what a storm in a teacup. Most of the 7yr old boys I know find willies etc hilarious and it just depends on their impulse control as to whether they can keep it in or not. Obviously the behaviour needs stamping out, but it's hardly 'abnormal'.

funinthesun18 · 16/08/2018 23:23

😂 I was just responding to someone who mentioned picking noses and it just reminded me of my 3 year old’s not finest moment. Fancy having a pop at him as well?

GoatWoman · 16/08/2018 23:30

Ok. Just good luck to you when your daughters are one of the very many whom have to tolerate this shit and curtail their lives as a consequence.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/08/2018 23:32

Goat, I suggest maybe going and getting aerated on a thread where the OP doesn't want to do anything about the issue.

This one isn't doing your blood pressure any good.

ethelfleda · 16/08/2018 23:33

fun this is no laughing matter - your son is a VANDAL and is probably going to be an arsonist when he grows up 😂

youarenotkiddingme · 16/08/2018 23:37

Goat. You keep going on about woman having to endure this. You did read the OP right? Where it says he said to both a boy and girl.

And where the op asks for help to stop it?

And I can assure you it's not just girls who deal with this shit.

FlorencesHunger · 16/08/2018 23:37

Sorry about the kicking you have got on here op it clear you came for advise, your ds is only 7 and is still learning impulse control and kids that age still need reigned in when they get hyper and start acting the clown.

My dd is 8 and acts the clown often and has said penis/nipples on repeat at some point, a simple glare and being told it isnt appropriate and why nipped it in the bud.
She does have adhd/sn and she gets it so it's not a get off scot free card and if your ds hasn't got adhd as pp suggested then there's more than a chance you can sort it.

She has been on the other side of the coin where boys were calling her fat at school and she started getting image conscious at 8yrs old and a bean pole I wasn't having it, went to the school and it was sorted straight away.