To ask if it's futile trying to stop a 7.5 year old boy showing off and being silly?

[Pushpins40]

Exactly that. He'll try to be the real clown, the silly one - sometimes it's good natured, other times (like today in a changing room with two other kids, a girl and a boy that he's doing a swimming class with) he starts shouting, 'I can see you vagina and your penis!'.

It's embarrassing and very annoying. If it's not that sort of stuff, it's just generally trying to push boundaries, be the funny one.

How do I stop it? Can I? Am I being realistic given his age? He
We talk to him about it and I think he 'hears' but then, in the moment, of course he does exactly the same.

That’s exactly what the op is doing though. You can’t write her ds after one incident at 7 years old, you just can’t.

youarenotkiddingme exactly!

I think there may have been a lot of projection on this thread. Iuswim.

These dc weren't total strangers they were swimming class attendees all in a communal changing area. No dc shouldn't be pointing out that the others were naked and he could see their private parts, yes it was rude and yes dc was most likely aware of this and this was one reason why he was doing it. He is a small child though and not a sexually aware post puberty dc, he also wasn't sex specific, both his peers were involved, boy and girl.

Just a little bit.

Absolutely no one has suggested writing him off. Just shock at the lack of boundaries and consideration for the other children.

Yes I agree, I have projected and I can imagine it has been horrible to receive some of these comments (mine included).

Yet societally we have a MASSIVE problem with boys/men assualting girls/women.

Just shock at the lack of boundaries and consideration for the other children.

But can't you see that the OP is too, and has started a thread asking for advice to deal with it?

And can you see the absolutely hammering she has had, to the extent that it would probably put other people off asking for advice?

Is that really a good outcome?

Oh FFS some of the comments on here really are batshit!!!

Kids are being taught at school what private parts are called and that they are private. So here we have a group of young kids getting changed in a communal area with private parts in show.

Adults wouldn't bat an eyelid but a kid who's just been taught "you don't let people see your privates" spots them and points it out.

Really is it any different to any other kind of tell tailing ?

I think if the OP had dealt with this with the utter disgust it warranted at the time then it would have all been well. The fact she’s come on mumsnet well after it has happened asking for help, then been very rude to anyone who calls her out on this as a failure in her parenting is part of her problem. He is still a small boy, children won’t understand why they are being punished with something well after the event so all the advice given is pretty useless. At 7.5, you should know how to deal with your own child- and to be honest I do judge as mine is the exact same age and would never come out with that sort of crap. I would hope I’ve taught them right so they wouldn’t do this when I wasn’t there, but I definitely know they would know better than to do it in my company as they know they would be absolutely blasted for it. Unless I’ve skimmed past it as well she also has no empathy for the children involved. That is the problem. The whole thing comes across as a mother who won’t hear her son is doing anything wrong. It is also totally disregarding of the fact that he has publicly and loudly embarrassed two innocent children (in front of his own mother- therefore not scared of any consequences from her) in a sexual way- intentional or not- in a space where privacy should be respected. Extremely poor behavior all around and one which I would be utterly ashamed of, not posting on the internet.

I would like to say - even though I should not have to, but there are some women hell bent on making these ridiculous links - that I have been the victim of a horrific assault as a young adult. It took me a long, difficult time to overcome it.

It has not ONCE occured to me that my son's behaviour yesterday is linked to the possibility that I am raising a son who does not respect women.

His behaviour was inappropriate, immature and not to be condoned. But it was innocent. It was for laughs. Not to humiliate or denigrate. I genunely believe that. It was unthinking. The result of overexcitement, and immaturity.

I refuse to even consider that I'm raising a boy who will assault others as I've been assaulted.

It's a disgraceful, unintelligent link to make on a thread where I have come to ask for help in dealing with THE BEHAVIOUR OF A 7 YEAR OLD BOY.

Those of you who have made these claims should feel incredibly ashamed.

Now I'm going to hide this thread. Good luck to you all.

To answer the OP title question: no it is not futile at all. If you don't teach him accepted behaviour he is not likely to learn it. He's definitely not too young.

This pile-on (which one can only imagine must have been orchestrated elsewhere, if not driven by sock-puppetry) is appalling. Insinuating to the OP that her son will grow up to be a rapist because he was silly and rude in a changing room? Absolutely nonsensical and extremely unkind. He's SEVEN. He did something inappropriate. OP spoke to him, but was concerned that wasn't enough so came here to ask for advice. Instead she's faced a barrage of judgement about her parenting and people saying the most awful things about her child - CHILD. I can only hope she has done the sensible thing and hidden this thread because it's just got absolutely ridiculous and completely unhelpful.

PushPins40

It’s aibu so a rough ride.

You also have to understand that posters have different experiences and parenting styles and some have been abused and that colours judgment or they only have dds and feel very protective of them.

And no poster on here has all the answers and no poster is the perfect parent.

No idea why anyone should feel ashamed of thinking that behavior is hugely inappropriate and I stand by that stance entirely. I think you need to reflect later on why so many people are disagreeing with you (you do have many who agree with you though, so maybe take points from both). I can’t say I’ve agreed with you on much here and it has riled me as the mother of two daughters.

Genuinely though, aside from the rest, I really am sorry to hear what you went through. I hope all is ok now.

Like I said before. The motivation matters not. The RESULT is the same. The children’s hurt feelings are the same no matter what he meant by it.

But it was innocent. It was for laughs. Not to humiliate or denigrate. I genunely believe that.

That doesn’t matter to the of the children that he did humiliate. Do you see why people are suggesting you dont empathise with the children affected?

The sexual element (or lack of, and nobody seriously believes it was sexually motivated - of course it wasn’t) is derailing the thread, I think.
It was still completely inappropriate, and op is still saying “it was for laughs” as if that excuses his lack of boundaries.

It was just as inappropriate as commenting on how fat / skinny / hairy / whatever any of the bodies around him were.
He needs to be disabused of the notion that his remarks about other people are in any way amusing, or that the fact that he was only trying to be funny lessens the impact in any way.

That last sentence is a total fuck up, sorry 😂

I think it’s been an interesting thread actually.

I have both sons and daughters and I recognise boys of this are see silly! I saw it many times with friends dss but not allowed in our house because we also had dds.

I don’t get the naked between different sex siblings either unless toddlerhood or naked in the changing room. 7 is too old in my opinion to be stripping off naked unless needeing help from mum or dad

No need for it

With dds if they’ve done/said something inappropriate we have a one to one ‘chat’ about appropriate behaviour. Usually happens before bedtime when it’s quiet, and dds are listening with no one else around.

You can say something like ‘today, when you said I can see your penis/vagina, well it wasn’t an appropriate thing to say. It’s not funny, and really you should be listening to your swim instructor not looking at the other children. I want to see you behave better next swim lesson, or you will not be having anymore (iPad time/ds/tv et al)’. Then follow through if he does or says anything inappropriate during his swim lesson.

And it matters not his motivation for saying it.

It’s just not on. But I think op knows that anyway

Yes I think why this thread has become so feisty (for want of a better word) is that the mothers of daughters are absolutely gutted that this is being brushed off as a laugh.

This behaviour is horrible and insidious. It's galling to hear excuses being made. I'm out now.

as the mother of two daughters

There was another boy there too and he’s barely had a mention on this thread. It’s all been about the girl. How about how the boy felt? I don’t see why the girl or girls or mothers of girls are more of a victim so maybe stop with the “As a mother of GIRLS” stuff.

Longdistance that is no way harsh enough. If my DS did this I’d be straight, “that sort of behaviour will get you arrested as an adult, you never comment on or stare at other people’s bodies, its rude, cruel and hurtful. You don’t have a tv now for a week.”

Nobody is brushing it off as laugh.

The OP literally says It was for laughs.