To want to scale back, or even cancel, gift giving this xmas?

[Alldaylong1]

Not for the children obviously, I am thinking more siblings and their partners? My DH and I have large families and each year it is a mammoth task to think of and buy all the presents. The piles of gifts is obscene. I have tried to suggest scaling back and secret santa in the past but as it approaches everyone seems to cave and start buying. I know it's only August , but realistically I would be sensible to start thinking about gifts in September if we are doing the usual affair.

I would genuinely love to just spend money on good food and enjoy each other's company, watch the kids open gifts etc, and be free of all the stress.

AIBU? If not, how can I suggest this without seeming mean? because I do love giving, for families birthdays I put a lot of thought and time in. Xmas though, it just turns into panic buying and ticking off names on the list.

We don't bother with adult gifts. It's lovely. We buy for eachothers' children and give and receive cards for the adults, no stress, just enjoy Christmas.

Me and DH don't even buy for eachother, we decide on something we'd like to buy for the house or for us and do that in the sales in January.

We do secret Santa for everyone including children. Each family picks out the same number of secret santa names as people in their family. We then just do a stocking for our own children and a couple of other little bits. Having a huge family it's made life much easier and people get things they want rather than huge piles of cheap joke gifts.

I’m knocking Christmas in the head this year. I’ll buy presents for my great nephews, but nobody else. DD (22) and I are going to go away for a few days before Christmas. She’s offered to work on 25th as she gets lots of benefits for that. I’ll hole up and eat lovely food and watch films. Can’t wait, actually.

My SIL tried to do this last year. Her idea was that the children are all bought presents but the adults are not. So that would have meant my DH and I buying for five nieces and nephews on my side of the family and since we are childless we would have received nothing. I did suggest that they buy for our dogs and cat but that was shot down.
Now I know that it is about the giving but not the receiving but her suggestion was just plain rude.

As long as everyone is on board with the new christmas rules then it isn't going to harm anyone. I would suggest do a secret santa for the adults instead. Everyone likes having a gift to open. One workplace I was at had everyone fill in a short form saying their top five ideas of what they would like. It worked well so could work for a family too.

We have a smallish close knit family but never mind how often I suggest scaling down presents DH refuses to, over the years we've lost grandparents, godparents, and gained children in law and grand children. I'd rather we concentrated on the kids but he insists everyone gets the same.

ivy perhaps you could suggest the secret santa idea to your sil? Maybe she’s struggling and it’s not really in the spirit of things to want to keep it going because you are childless and to suggest they buy your pets instead seems a bit ridiculous. Or why not just opt out altogether then you and your dh could buy each other and you would still have something to open

I just buy for children under 18 on my side and something small for my parents as well as the DCs of course. I don't buy for siblings or any other relatives. This has worked well for years.

DH's side is unfortunately another thing altogether... One year I suggested they did something similar and nearly got my head ripped off. Instead they spend hours putting together lists as they insist on knowing what each other wants. Then on Christmas Day they open something off their list, and have no surprise whatsoever. As none of them actually needs anything, previous presents have included exciting things like screenwash, printer cartridges and paper. Completely pointless imo, they might as well just buy each other a box of tea bags

Not RTFT but you are not being unreasonable (as long as you tell people ASAP...)...although I was a little 🙄 when it had never occurred to me to stop buying for my bro and sis in law (which I frankly enjoyed doing) in the 13 years they’d had children but as soon as we had any they decided we should stop....!
I like the idea of secret Santa! Sounds fun.